The good is Mom has now been in her new place going on four days and seems to be adjusting. She has already done more in those four days then she did in a month while at her house. She went to an ice cream social and played bridge. So she is at least trying.
Two bits of bad. I haven't been able to distance myself because there seems to always be something. One day she forgot to charge her phone so had no method of comminication and I had to go out there to get it charged. Another day she wanted some stuff from her house and so on. When I leave on Monday and then again next week will be the only time that I will really be able to distance myself if she keeps forgetting things. Oh well.
The other bad has more to do with one of my personaliy quirks then it does with Mom. I am germ conscious not phobic. Where I spend time around an elderly parent I have to try to avoid germs that can be carried to the parent. If the elderly get sick it can always turn in something worse and they may never recover. In addition to being germ conscious I also dislike immensely when a stranger stands extremely close to me. Anyone I know fine, they can stand as close as they want. But a stranger? When the stranger stands close I get a real claustrophobic feeling and sometimes have trouble breathing. Friday Wal-Mart had some things on sale that I needed so I took the almost hour drive out there. Gathered my stuff and was standing in the checkout line when the man behind me moved as close to me as one could get. Not only was he standing close, he was coughing and sneezing. Normally I wouldn’t have said anything but I felt he knew I was uncomfortable and was acting to make me even more so. Every time I moved away from the man, he moved closer. I finally said to the guy “look the only people I let stand this close to me are the ones that I want to have my baby.” Then I got out of line, put the basket out of everyone’s way, went to the rest room and washed up and then went home. I’ll buy the stuff another day. What should have I done?
Now the ugly and it is really ugly. The regular caregiver discovered a cyst on her back and it is cancerous. She has an opertion scheduled on next Wednesday. Please pray for her and wish her the best. I am sorry that she has cancer but somebody must have been watching over us because the timing of this is amazing. The caregiver would have had to take a lot of May off and we would have to hired someone else. Having Mom in a facility is just such a relief now. Even the caregiver said she is so happy Mom is taken care of because she won't worry about her and can concentrate on her health. Susan we wish you the best!
May this be a great day for you.
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6 comments:
Bill, her forgetting stuff is a way of keeping your tether tied. The things you've mentioned are certainly inconvenient, but not life-threatening. If you didn't take care of them, the world would not come to an end. Rest easy - or as easy as possible.
Re your Wal-Mart experience - perhaps you're in such a heightened state right now that fairly a benign situation took on more significance than it would have at a less tense time. I guess you handled it in the best way you could. In any case, it's over and done with.
Fortuitous as the timing turned out to be, I am sorry to hear about the caregiver. I do hope that all goes well with her treatment and outcome.
Glad to hear that your mom is participating in the offered activities. I hope that continues.
Pat can probably give you better feedback on this, but it maybe that you need to do gradual weaning. She may be afraid you are going to just leave her and go off on your own. True, you want a bit of separation, but she's also going to need reassurance that you'll still be there when she needs you.
That said, you don't have to jump instantly when it's something that can wait a bit. You both need to figure out what works for both of you.
I understand about the closeness thing. That drives me nuts too.
But someone is looking out for you. I'm sorry for the caretaker's news but, as you said, the timing was very fortuitous.
Hi Mary Z
I actually think Mom's memory is really declining and that it really isn't this time a way of keeping me tether tied. No doubt she has done some of that in the past but this time I think it is real. It was actually my sister that called and asked me to go out there about the phone not charging. Mom has had four heart attacks and four strokes. Not having a way to dial 911 could be life or death. She does have several pull strings in her room but that would mean a middle man and would take longer for the 911 people to get there.
It wouldn't have mattered if I was in a great mood and just won the lottery that man standing that close would have bothered me. For US Ocds somethings that seem fairly benign are major events to us. Huh, the other Mary?
Susan, the caregiver, went out to have dinner with Mom last night. She is a little worried but doing great. We are letting her stay at mom's house for free so that she is close to treatment. She finds out more tomorrow.
Hi Bev
That is the exact reason I've been available to Mom. Two main reasons really. One, I want her to like it so much out there that she stays and to do that I have to show her that I am not deserting her. Two, to let her know I will still help her so she doesn't feel alone and separated from her family.
I talked to Susan, the caregiver, yesterday and she absolutely loved the place. She went to dinner out there with mom and then her and two of her friends stayed and played scrabble with Mom. While at dinner Susan played the piano for the group at dinner. Everyone loved her. She finds out more tomorrow. She knows we love her and support her!
Bill
Yes, having someone bump me like that would really annoy me. The good thing about being a woman of my age is that I would have no fear of throwing an elbow to make him back off. I'd figure he was either a predator or after my purse.
Excellent news that your mom is so happy. I'm really pleased to hear it.
Hi Mary
I knew you would understand about the bumping!
Mom had some long time friends visit her today for lunch. This are the couple that was dead sat against mom leaving her home. They loved the place and called mom tonight to tell her what a great time they had there! The positive feed back is good for Mom.
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