I didn't make it to Las Vegas this week it just wasn't in the cards. Today I am telling my new friends what is going to happen the first week in July. A lady that I used to date a long time ago, my one serious relationship, that has made a really strong effort to keep in touch with me over the years is going to come to visit between July 2nd and July 6th. Right now she lives in Arizona. She is very close to mom and wants to see her too. When she visits she is going to stay at Mom's house, I'm going to stay at my house. That is what a gentleman would do. The last time I saw her was 2001. I have a lot of reservations about the visit but I think seeing if there is anything there is worth the effort. It was my choice to end the relationship because I didn't think a marriage was possible and I wanted her to move on and find the husband she was looking for. She married shortly after we split up and then after only four or five years divorced. She has been single since. She has went back to college and will graduate as a social worker in one year. She has contacted me the miniumum of once or twice a month since the split up. This is what I see may happening out of the visit:
1. Closure for her and for me or.
2. People change and we are the good match that we weren't before.
Like I said I have my reservations. I am going to view it as a week just to have fun and whatever happens happens. It will be good for Mom and Laura to visit.
What do you ladies think? Any advice for me? Any comments would be appreciated.
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7 comments:
My advice would be to treat the weekend as a chance to renew an old friendship. That's the most important thing. If something else develops from that - that's just icing on the cake. Try not to come up with too many "what ifs" and/or expectations beforehand.
[And while you're at it, don't be nervous, etc., etc., etc. 8^)]
Hi Mary Z
That is really good advice. She is the one that really has kept the friendship going over the years. Calling and checking on me, etc. I've pretty much limited to my contacts to her birthday and Christmas. That is what happened this year, I called on her birthday, June 6th, and it went from a conversation to a planned visit.
I'm just viewing as a fun four or five days. Shoot I haven't had a date five days in a row in a long time lol. So we will do a lot of fun things. She likes walking, movies, and cooking. So there will be each of those in there. We will also do a lot of things with Mom. I think the main reason this visit is important for L. is to see mom, she isn't sure she will get the opportunity again.
Bill
Mary Z
Oooh and I'm not nervous. I know this lady very well so there is no shyness with her.
Bill
I'll echo Mary Z's advice. Don't work up expectations other than to have a lovely few days with an old friend. Whatever happens will happen and there's really no predicting it. Renewing an old friendship is a Good Thing, so you're viewing it just right. It sounds as though you have a lot in common, so Im sure you'll both enjoy the visit and I know it will be good for your mom, too. The future will take care of itself.
Hi Pat
I honestly don't think there is much future but I don't want to rule out the possibility. She has a lot of health issues and I'm not sure I want to be in a caregiver role again.
I'm just viewing this as her coming to visit my Mom and her and I having a real good time. Other than that I'm not sure.
The worst that can happen is the we don't get along at all and she can move on from me. Which in the long run isn't that bad. The best that can happen is that we find all the problems we had in the past were smaller than we thought and we get along great. My guess is it will be somewhere in between.
Bill
Hoping for the best for your visit, Bill. I can sure understand your not wanting to take on another caregiver role. It's sure something I'd like to avoid in the future. Don't want to be the caregiver or the one who needs it, either.
Pat
After what you and I have went through with our moms we deserve to be taken care of, lol. However, like you I don't want to be taken care of or be a caregiver. I know in any relationship there will be some of each but I just don't want to be in a situation where it is the main focus.
Bill
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