Good morning everyone, not much to write about but I try to post something at least every other day even if my mind is drawing a blank which it seems to be today. I am making this family matters day.
Mom is moving home October 1st. I think she is making a huge mistake but am I backing off. The agreement that I made with her is that I am going to continue to have my life and if I want to take off and travel I am going to do it. She has agreed to this. For almost a year now I've felt a strong pull towards the Los Angeles area and really want to visit there to check out real estate while the market is down, see what the job market is like compared to Portland, contact some old friends that I haven't seen in years, see some relatives, and just take a week to two vacation that I haven't been able to take for a few years. I'm not sure when I will take the trip but definitely before of the end of the year. Mom is really aware of how mentally healthier I am since she has been in a assisted living and she wants to me to stay that way. What she doesn't see is how mentally healthier she is since she has been at The Springs. Even my brother notices a difference in her attitude when he calls her. Whenever he calls she is upbeat and happy which leads to him calling more. When she was home and brother called she was depressed and negative which lead to him not calling. Everyone sees the happiness but mom, inclduing her friends at The Springs. We have had a lot of quality time since she has been at The Springs so she knows now I will still be a huge part of her life but that when I am free to have mine it is healthier for me, now if she would she see how better off she is too.
My nephew lost his job in a plant closing a few months ago. He lives in Eugene, a citty about two hours from Portland. We just got some good news that he was offered a job in the Portland area. He was also offered a job in Wyoming. With a couple of kids in high school the timing of a move to Wyoming would probably not have been the best for his family so he accepted the job in the Portland area. He may even live with my Mom for a while. He would like to keep his kids in the same high school until they graduate. He could live with mom during the week, keep his house and then travel home to wife and kids on the weekend. I'm excited for my nephew for going through a new phase in his life.
My brother if your remember tore the ACL in his left leg playing tennis. He had never had a serious injury before. We were all worried about whether or not he would follow the doctors orders and stay off of the leg until he was healed. Patience has never been his strong suit. Well, wonders of wonders my brother did everything the doctor said and was off cructches in six weeks instead of ten. He is wearing a boot but the doctor expects that to be off in a couple of weeks and he will be back to normal walking within three months of the injury instead of the year they had anticipated. I'm so proud of him!
Although not family but like family my Houston friend Shirley that was in the wake of IKE posted an update here, http://thedahnreport.blogspot.com/2008/09/prayers-needed.html She is doing fine and thanks everyone for their prayers!
What is going on in your life, with your family, the parent you care for, you? Inquiring minds want to know.
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8 comments:
Great news about your brother's recovery, Bill. Good for Bro! And it sounds as if nephew's life can be worked out well, too, in spite of his plant closing.
I hope your experience echoes mine and that your mom will decide to go back to C.Springs after a few weeks at home. Having nephew there with her may help or hinder that decision, though. As to you, be strong and don't get sucked back into fulltime caregiving, okay?
Hi Pat
I'm really proud of my brother for following the doctor's orders, those darn lawyers usually don't follow orders well.
This is an even better job than the one my nephew lost so it is a really good thing. I'm not sure if my nephew stays at mom's if it will be a good thing or a bad thing, I'm withholding judgment. If my nephew pays rent it will help mom with deciding to go back to C. Springs.
I hope my experience does mirror yours and mom will decide to go back to C. Springs sooner than later.
I'm going to try to be really firm about not getting sucked back in. Grocery shopping, taking mom out for dinner etc yes, caregiving no.
Bill
Oh, dear. Empathy on your mom's decision to move back to the house. I'll also hold good thoughts she may decide The Springs is a better alternative, after all. Congrats to your brother on following directions and healing more quickly than expected and big congrats to your nephew on his new job. Sounds like being able to stay at your mom's house will be a big plus for him.
Us? Mom seems to be going downhill, in terms of pain and spending more time in bed and the recliner. Her only outing this week was groceries, although I offered lunch and she had a lunch invitation from the lady across the hall today. I read your comments about your mother's happiness level with interest, as it's one of the reasons I've thought with longing about assisted living for Mom. Yes, I can (and would still) take her to doctor app'ts. However, if I didn't have to do her grocery shopping, her laundry, periodic cleaning, changing her bed and deal with other household issues, I'd have quality time I could spend with her, instead spending that time as healthcare giver and maid. More important, she could "go out to" lunch and dinner every day in the dining room, if she wanted, and there would be other people to socialize with and some organized activities that might interest her, given she's still sharp as a tack and wouldn't have to be taken somewhere to enjoy them. I honestly feel her relative isolation is a part of the problem, as it leaves her too much time to think about her aches and pains and what she can't do, with no encouragement or easy opportunity to see what she CAN do. Everything you say seems to confirm suspicions I've had for some time now. I really appreciate you posting those thoughts.
The rest of the family? My brother is working "storm" in IL, which means he's away from home and working almost 24/7 to try to deal with the ravages of Fay and Ike in the Midwest area. My middle sister, last I heard, was putting in long hours as assistant to a muckety-muck on the CA water/irrigation commission, attending lots of evening meetings, as well as her hours in the office. The youngest -- as usual, playing her cards close to the vest and not sharing much, as has been the case most of her adult life. Himself is up to his ears in readio repair and refurb and trading on the ham net, having just completed carpeting his office (which meant we both got a lot of exercise last week).
Hey, where are the rest of you? Pat, you didn't tell us what's going on with your daughter and nobody else posted. I'm like Bill -- I'd love to know what's happening with your families.
Hi Dr
I'm hoping for the best where Mom is concerned, best for both of us not just mom.
I'm sorry your mom is going downhill. Pain is awful to deal with and it does make it hard to get out.
I'm sorry she isn't getting out much. Did she turn down the two invitations?
Really consider the assisted living options DR, go to eldercare.come and entire your zip code and it will give you names of assisted living centers in your area.
Also when they go to lunch or dinner at assisted living centers they are also having social interaction.
Wow does your brother have his hands full.
Your middle sister sounds goal oriented!
I hope some day your younger sister will share more of her life with you.
I love Himself he always seems to have a project to do, I admire his ability to stay busy!
Bill
Hello everyone!
Bill, I too am glad to hear your brother followed doctor's orders. YAY! With what you and DR have posted, I agree that the assisted living is so much better for our aging parents. They really do better with interactions with others in their age bracket. My Mother's caretaker gets here out to play bingo at least once a week and dinner once a week. It's a big effort to get her showered, dressed and loaded up in the car, but it's good for Mother. Othere than that, it's TVLAND day in and day out. She use to be so social, I think she'd welcome an assistive facility once she experienced it. It's just the perception of giving up what she thinks she has control over now like her independence and her home. Independence shouldn't mean being alone at home.
Bill.. glad to hear you're going to get out and do some traveling and visiting friends and relatives. You are overdue!
Hi Kaye
My brother surprised all of us!
Your mom's caregiver sounds like a jewel. Getting out is so darn important, even if it is just a walk in the neighborhood. I used to push dad through the neighborhood in his wheelchair two or three times a day on my caregiving days. Talking to people along those walks always made him happier.
Does your mom win at bingo? And I think the dinner and bingo is definitely worth the effort to get her out!
I really want to travel but have to be at my perfect weight first, have to make sure mom is taken care of second, and finances in order third! I love to drive and would probably drive to LA vs flying then could stop at Ashland and other cities along the way to see friends.
Bill
Mom turned down my invitation and the one for yesterday. Thankfully, she did go to Sue's b-day lunch at the church, which was mostly Sue's family. And enjoyed it. And said, "At least, it was something different to do." And I gritted my teeth (wry grin). The sad things is, SA has lots of luncheons and such, but Mom always says no, because they need advance reservations and she never knows how she feels.
Thanks for the website. Checking on assisted living is onmy list for the very near future.
Kaye, I agree with both you and Bill. Being alone so much, not getting out *with other people* is Not a Good Thing. Like your mom, mine ewas very social -- tupperware manager, president of square dance club, very active in the church. Since she could drive, she went out to lunch almost every day, knowing she'd run into someone she knew and not eat alone often (although she never minded that).
And you know, the ironic thing is I honestly believe Mom would be more independent in assisted living than in her apartment, where I'm her only mode of transportation and 99% of her social life.
Hi Dr
Sad that your mom turned down your invitations.
When you look into assisted living centers make sure you ask them if they take medicaid should your mom run out of money. You can also do some financial planning to move your mom's assets out of her name into your name, etc so that medicaid would start picking up the tab earilier.
I also think your mom would be more independent in assisted living but it is just the idea of them giving up something by going in there, like their house.
Bill
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