OK, since nobody wants to laugh let’s get serious with Update Day. The day when you tell me everything that is going on with you, your concerns, your joys, your questions, vent if you need to vent, or just to say hello to us. If you have been reading the blog for a while and haven’t commented now is a good day to introduce yourself. Or if you were brought here by a search engine and see something that interests you let us know about you and what you are interested in. Caring for elderly or not caring for elderly doesn’t matter we love to hear from everyone!
Been a different week. I wish I could say it was a week when I didn’t lose my patience with Mom but I can’t. Wish I could say it was a week where I didn’t have to change plans due to the actions of others but I can’t. First Mom, she gets these spells some days. They come about three in the afternoon. I *know* they are low blood sugar. However, it doesn’t matter now many times you tell Mom that you have to eat a decent lunch to avoid those spells she will never admit that it is low blood sugar. I just can’t be there every day at lunch time to make sure she eats the appropriate lunch. Of course I call everyday to ask her what she had for lunch but I’m not really comfortable with her answers. She also believes contrary to all the evidence that she eats enough and the spells are just because she is old and not because of the low blood sugar. Why an I worried about the low blood sugar readings? Because if they get low enough you pass out. If you don’t get food in you right away or are out for more than thirty seconds you could die.
Here is what happened yesterday, Started out with plans to go to a movie in the afternoon after Mom and I went to the foot doctor for our semi-annual appointments. I went over early and fixed her a decent lunch. She didn’t eat it all. Said he wanted to lose weight. I tried to get her to eat a snack before we went to the doctor but she is a Dahn so she tends to be bullheaded. After the doctor appointment we went and mailed some letters and back to Mom’s house. When I was helping Mom get out of the car she got dizzy. The garage is right off of the kitchen. So I got Mom in the kitchen and had her sit down. I asked her to take her blood sugar, “No, it isn’t low blood sugar, I just don’t feel well.” I damn near had to browbeat her to get her to take her sugar. It was 50. Pass out low. I quickly got some food into her. Solved the immediate problem of keeping her from passing out. However, when blood sugar reaches that low for someone Mom’s age it takes a couple of hours to recover. It also effects circulation so you get extremely cold. I got Mom in the living room, put her in her lift chair, covered her with two blankets, and fixed her a cup of hot tea. The caregiver wasn’t going to be there for a couple of hours so there went my movie plans. As long as I had to sit there for a couple of hours I went ahead and fixed dinner for her and the caregiver, whom arrived an hour late. The last time she was late was Wednesday night, so there went the comedy class plans! As to the low blood sugar scene, was this the first time? Try about the twentieth. Mom still doesn’t believe it was a low blood sugar bout. Every time she has a spell like this, I browbeat her into checking her sugar, and the scene replays. I really blew it yesterday and pretty much said things I regret. Like if you don’t want to take care of yourself and eat appropriately to avoid your low blood sugar spells than I’m going to quit worrying about coming to visit you and find you lying dead on the floor. Which is actually one of my fears. Do I owe Mom and apology? How would you have handled the scene? With the job starting Monday I am really worried that the scene will replay when nobody is there to watch Mom. Should I consider tubing the job so I can better watch out for Mom? The job is close enough that I can head to Mom’s for lunch but history is even if I fix a good lunch she won’t eat it all. I can call her from work every day at about 3 when the blood sugar spells happen. I need your advise here. Help me out.
Now let me know what is going on with you. How has your week been? Do you need to vent like I just did? Inquiring minds want to know.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
14 comments:
You did NOT overreact. You may have said things that hurt her feelings, but if that's the only way to make an impact, it must be done. Maybe a follow-up conversation now that the crisis is passed to tell her your fears for her might help, but I know what it's like to have a mother who doesn't want to admit that there could possibly be anything wrong with her health--she feels it's a "weakness" to admit to needing medication or doctor advice. I feel for ya, kiddo.
As for me the update is that our neurologically damaged puppy may finally, after nearly 5 months, have a forever home. She's going home "on trial" tomorrow. Hold the good thought.
I'm spending today transcribing the interview I did with this cool director on Thursday. I saw her rehearsal for "Winters Tale" last night and interviewed several of the actors as well.
I agree with Bev, you did not overreact. But a suggestion... how about not pushing lunch. She may be eating as much as she can at that time, and forcing down more food when you're no longer hungry is fine for some of us gluttons, but difficult for some people. How about making a point of calling her around 2:30 or 3:00 and reminding her she needs a small snack. Just a glass of OJ might do it, I don't know much about sugar levels. My own 3 p.m. snack tends to be a piece of string cheese and some kind of drink -- OJ or V8 or lately, hot chocolate. Maybe you or the caregiver could put together a few ready-made snacks that she can just grab without fuss. Find a granola bar that she likes. And then nag, nag, nag until she gets used to doing it. The caregiver can help, but I wouldn't count on it completely.
My own update is that my mom (103 next month) has been kicked out of Hospice after almost 2 years. They'd love to keep her, but Medicare says she's been stable for too long. So now there are more things I have to take over. Getting her back on Blue Shield, finding a doc for her, getting supplies like wipes, bed pads, and lately diapers for night-time, where she's not as reliable as in the day. Also overseeing refills of meds (which the staff will do, but in the end, it's sort of on me to make sure). I don't know what-all else, but I guess I'll find out as time goes on.
And this just in time for also getting all the tax stuff together for both of us and the kids coming down for a conference that I'll also attend. I'm not having fun yet.
Bev, good thoughts coming for Nicki to have found a forever home.
Hi Bev
I'm glad the puppy found a forever home and will be praying for the best!
I look forwad to your review of Winter's Tale!
We did have a followup conversation today. I brought coffee over early and discussed the situation with her. She honestly doesn't think it is low blood sugar, she thinks it is her stents blocking up. But if she had the later she would get chest pains are arm pain. She promised me she would test her sugar at 2:30every day. I will call from work at that time to followup on it.
Bill
Hi Pat
I don't know whether to be happy or sad that your mom is no longer in Hospice. I do worry about you having to do more. If I can help you in any wat getting the tax stuff together please let me know. I hope the visit with the kids goes well.
As to Mom's lunch it isn't like I feed her a huge meal. Yesterday it was a half of pork sandwich, a few chips, and a half of banana. That just isn't enough for diabetes. And she didn't even eat all of that. She also never had the problem at the assisted living center because their big meal was lunch.
What we decided to do was to monitor her sugar for a few days. The push the time back that she takes her insulin. She takes her insulin at 6 in the morning when she gets up. If the sugar readings show what I think they will show she will take her insulin at 9 instead of 6 and that would push the low sugar time period back close to dinner.
The talk did do some good. She tested her sugar before we went out to lunch, it was 104. At the restaurant she waited until the food was served to take her glipzide.
A snack to mom is a half of cup of yogurt which really doesn't raise the sugar levels that much. But mom knows how I feel now and it being good today. I just hope it lasts longer.
We do have crackers next to her chair. We used to have a can of coke next to her chair, that is the fastest thing to raise the sugar. I'm going to do that again, I just hope my nephew or the caregiver don't drink it.
Bill
Well Bill, as usual I am late here to give you advice..but you got a lot of it anyhow and I would have agreed with it all.
I am glad you talked to her later and hopefully it will work out.
Sometimes you just cannot change stubborn people. :) It sounds to me like you do pretty well with making sure to have things ready for her, just in case.
Its funny as the Shankster has all those symptoms too when he doesn't eat lunch. He does not have diabetes though. I had an Aunt who did and when I see him do that, I do as I did for her with the OJ, stick of honey in my bag or a quick sandwich if able and it will do the trick. He too believes it had to do with his stent. I wonder if all who have those stents are a bit paranoid that way?
I say keep the job and take a minute to give her the call....see how it goes....
Gee Bev, Glad the puppy may have a home. I just love dogs.
Pat, sorry to hear about the Hospice and you having to take over all things. Wish the best for you that all will go smoothly.
No overreaction, so no guilt, please!
But I just wanted to share...Our Jesse is almost home from Iraq. He's in Baltimore, trying to get a flight out tonight to get home. We're at the ready to head for the airport 2 hours away.
You've got my support for the vent and certainly understand losing patience. Yes, 50 is dangerously low. No, our parents aren't going to admit that's a problem. Remember when I was going to Mom's every day to monitor her b/p which was running low eighties and she didn't think she had a problem? Sometimes I think things we say in anger or frutration *may* make more impact than our steady counsel or nagging or attempting to use logic. The anger gets through, even though we feel guilty as H*77 later. And I hear you on the week being one of changing plans. I'm so sorry you missed the comedy class, which I know you were looking forward to, as well as the movie. No wonder you ran short on patience. After reading Pat's report, I think it's something in the stars or a planet in retrograde.
Let's see... Monday the aide got lost in downtown G'ville and said she couldn't spend three hours so wasn't coming, but would come the next day. Tuesday aide shows up, is feeling "poorly" and her back hurts. She can't move boxes. The cleaning she did was marginal at best, didn't even wipe off the mirrors in the bathrooms and swiped at spots on the kitchen floor, missing half of them, didn't change Mom's bed or do laundry and left after two hours. Color her gone and we'll decide whether Mom needs an aide when she gets back from AZ for the 2 months before she moves wherever.Thursday took Mom to early lunch, since she hadn't been out of the house for a week (been feeling lousy and spending more time in bed again), then back to her house, where I shifted more boxes, rearranged the closet, wedged the coffee table (which was lying on the spare bed) between the bed and bookcase, before leaving to teach. Back to Mom's to wake her and take her grocery shopping, which is a minimum two hour excursion, even using the scooters in the stores. Today, I went over ahead of her doctor app't and finished some shifting/cleaning, made up Deb's bed, plugged in the power chair to charge, spent two hours at the retina specialist, back to unplug power chair and have Mom check her sugar, so I could fill her syringe, since she can see nothing after dilation. Bascially, leave home around 11:30 and get back after dark. Editorial hours logged - 3, since I lost Thursday and today doing what the aide was supposed to do. Meantime, Deb calls and says there's a delay in plans and she'll just call us when she's actually on the road, heading this direction. Whether that means this weekend or next month is unclear. See, the stars have to be crossed for caregivers this week!
On the up side, I got in some pool time, classes went fairly well, we had a lovely dinner with guitar friends and their spouses and us pickers got in a short jam session after eating. Mom and I had a lovely lunch on Thursday.
Have decided Deb can deal with a dose of reality, despite Mom wanting everything "perfect" (sort of) when she arrives. Her bed is made and there's a path to it and the bathroom. However, Deb can deal with the mirrors, changing Mom's bed, doing the laundry, swabbing the floors. If she gets here Monday, she can deal with taking everything off the patio for the scheduled (as of today) power washing, including the Christmas lights Mom wanted left on the railing (don't ask). I am becoming a not-nice-person, which is a clear indication I need a break.
Bev, good news about the puppy. I'll hold good thoughts the new home works out well for all.
Pat, I'm so sorry you're being thrust back into handling so many medical details and being hit with so much time-consuming stuff to be done in a short period.
Dona, sounds like your Shankster is as stubborn as Bev's Mom, Bill's and mine. Aren't
we glad Bill gave us this place to come and vent and to get helpful ideas and suggestions and support!
Bill, it sounds like you've got a plan and one that might work. I agree with Pat on the smaller meals and snacks being a possiblity. I don't eat much at a given time, because food is just something I have to have to keep going, not something I particularly enjoy preparing or eating most of the time, so I can sorta relate to not wanting much lunch, but snacks both morning and afternoon might help. I'll keep my fingers crossed and good thoughts headed your direction.
Hi Dona
No such thing as late on the blog, it is a rule!
Mom promised me she would take her blood sugar at two-thirty everyday. I called her at 3 and she said she didn't take her blood sugar today because she was feeling good. That promise last almost four hours.
The Shankster is probably the opposite of diabetes, hypoglycemic (sp) which can be more dangerous because it is more immediate. OJ is the perfect solution for low blood sugar because it gets in the blood stream the fastest.
People with stents must be paranoid. I think they quit reading articles about stents!
Bill
Mary Z
I hope Jesse gets a flight out tonight and some good citizen pays for the ticket for his service to his country!
Let us know when her arrives and make sure to let him know we all were rooting for his safe return!
Bill
Hi Dr
I do remember the blood pressure incidents. If anger is the only thing that works then we shouldn't feel guilty should we? Easier said then done.
That aide sounds awful. She had no work ethic. I'm glad you decided to let her go.
I'm glad you got your mom out. I hope she is feeling better. I'd go crazy if I spent two hours in a grocery store.
I am sorry DEb changed pland, did she say what the delay was? Any indication of when she will come? The up in the air thing would drive me nuts.
Yea to the pool time and dinner with the guiter friends!
Reality is a good thing where clueless siblings are involved.
Thank you for the good thoughts!
Bill
As to anger is a good thing... it may be an individual issue, but I find when I do finally hit the wall and get angry with Mom and tell her why I'm angry and what my concerns are, it often gets results, at least for a sort period. Remember, however, my Mom was raised on guilt and I'm beginning to think it works a technique from her children as well as it did from her mom. Sad, but true.
The very first aide, Mom was happy with. The second one, Salina, did pretty okay the first time she came, but then she was off a week and the sub didn't show up and then this last Tuesday was obviously not good. Time will tell where we go from here.
Yeah, two hours of grocery shopping is very wearing. I can do our shopping in two different stores in less than an hour, using a grocery list of specials and essentials. Mom has to go up and down every aisle, to see if there's something she needs/wants that's not on her list. And then we have to ponder the possibilities and think about whether it's good for diabetics (if it is, it's rejected, if it's not, it's purchased). I tag along behind, because with her knees so unstable she's hesitant to get out of the scooter for things she can't reach.
Deb's delay seems to be due to some sort of possible tooth problem and deciding whether to see a dentist or doctor at the Crisis Care Clinic and when she can get in. "Up in the air" is the way Deb operates the past few years. Drives me crazy when I allow it to do so. Wouldn't be a big deal, but it affects doctor app't rescheduling and, more immediate, reservations for the Orlando trip were due in the 26th and we still don't know if we can make it, which makes getting a camping site iffy, if we can go and we can't, unless Deb is here. Hoping Deb will be here, we can send in money and email the fact family issues caused a delay in reservations, then get on the road the 10th, even if Mom and Deb haven't left by then. Hold good thoughts, please? (See, I really am becoming a not-nice-person, planning to leave before Mom and Deb head out!)
Hi Bill. I have a little old lady friend who is 87 and has diabetes, she puts fruit or a snack in her purse, her car and next to her chair so it's always available for her. She too eats string cheese and takes it with her.
Also, you have a life and a new job. It's ok to vent and take care of yourself as well.
I'm not a Super Bowl fan but will be going to see Grand Torino on Sunday. I know you've seen it, so I am looking forward to it.
By the way, you asked if I lived in Sherwood and don't know if I answered you. I don't live in Sherwood but over by Highway 217 and I-5 near SW Portland.
Good luck with your new job.
Hi Dr
I also find when the anger gets there my mom fights back and although I would never tell her that I like her spirit.
Our mom's probably worked together to invent guilt.
Sorry about the tooth problem for Deb and hope she gets it fixed fast.
Up in the air drives me nuts, I've wanted to go to LA this summer then again in October to explore housing and catch a comedy show of someone I admire. Had to cancel the trip both times because of either mom, my sis, or a caregiver. It is costly both finanically and emotionally.
You have all my good thoughts and prayers that you trip will go off in time to everything you planned to do.
Planning to leave before mom and Deb leave doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you a real person. It also will cause Deb to face reality.
Bill
Hi Red
We used to live off of Haines Road, first in Southwood Park and then across I-5 to near Landmark Ford, which they turned commercial. We sold it ten years ago, I moved her and parent to King City.
I hope you like Gran Torino, I did, I went to Frost/Nixon yesterday and loved it. Michael Sheen who played Frost was almost as good as Langella.
I really hope this isn't to forward of me but I'd love to meet you and have a cup of coffee with you, if interested email me at williamjdahn@aol.com. We might find that we have some common friends.
Thanks for the good luck!
Bill
Post a Comment