After today Update Day will be every other Sunday. There will not be a Who Am I on Sundays. A more happens over two weeks so this will give us more to share. As to the Who Am I there just isn't enough time to do one on Sundays. That Sunday newspaper and leisurely breakfast takes a lot of time. The answer to yesterday's Who Am I is one of the founders of the National Women's History Project, Mary Ruthsdotter. Here is a link to their web site.
http://www.nwhp.org/
It is the leading source for women in history. This year's theme is "Writing Women Back Into History." The theme for 2011 is "Our History Is Our Strength."
Before moving on to my update for the week just a little note about yesterday's blog entry for Dona. This article is for her:
http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2010/08/baconfest_2010_sizzles_dedicat.html
See Dona I told you that you could get crispy bacon in Portland. How about the rest of you, would you have guessed that Portland would have an event combining fitness and bacon?
In some ways this has been a busy week, a trying week, and a relaxing week all rolled into one. The biggest event was Tuesday at Mom's when my sister had to call 911 for the caregiver. She was very dizzy, couldn't lift her head, fell, and was nauseated. The EMTs thought it might be an infection. According to caregiver when they got to the hospital in Newberg, they released her as soon as they found out she didn't have insurance. The didn't give her any medication and didn't tell her what to do. I'd really like to know the hospital's side of it but short of a court order I won't be able to do that. The caregiver is still sick which means that sister spent last night at Mom's and I will spend the next two nights at Mom's. If I disappear you will know why. One of the hard parts of dealing with this incident is that Mom gets scared and upset and doesn't really know what to do. I've tried to tell her to take a deep breath, call 911, and call me. She usually reverses the last two and calls me or my sister first. This bothers me because Mom has had four heart attack and four strokes and if she gets sick and calls me or sister first instead of 911 the delay in time could be fatal. I am going to still work on this. Another thing that bothers about these kinds of incidents is they bring down Mom for the rest of the day and sometimes for a couple of days. That I understand, the older you get the longer it takes to get over things. I would appreciate prayers and positive vibes the caregiver's way and Mom's way. Thank you.
Tuesday we had dinner at Mom's house just to give her some support after the day she had. Wednesday I went to the movie Eat, Pray, Love which I may review later this week. I do think the woman in the movie could have saved a couple of years and a lot of money if she would have just asked me what her problem was. I could have solved her problem with seven words, get out of yourself and into life. Thursday was five loads of laundry. Yes, I know it would be easier if I did it more often but I'm not going to. Thursday night was dinner out with family. Friday was lunch with Mom. Saturday was working on some work projects.
For next week? All I know right now is the next two days at Mom's and a meeting with the caterer for the football party.
The entertainment update. Alex was eliminated from Top Chef. Finally. I didn't watch the show I just got the information from the Bravo web site. Two bits of other entertainment news. The first article is about Betty White and the second article is about Dancing With The Stars.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100822/ap_en_tv/us_tv_creative_arts_emmys
http://realitytvmagazine.sheknows.com/blog/2010/08/18/dancing-with-the-stars-season-11-cast-press-conference-on-august-30th/
I'm happy with the Betty White win but think maybe a full blown press conference is a little to much for Dancing With The stars.
The blog is now yours. Tell me what was on the agenda and what is on the agenda. Share your lives with us. You and your stories are what makes this blog. Don't hold back.
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16 comments:
Oh My Gosh...Bacon, Bacon and More Bacon...I would have been in HOG HEAVEN. Or I guess that would have been BACON HEAVEN? Thanks for sharing Bill, just another reason to come to Portland. I am not sure about the cupcakes with bacon, I think they looked good, but I would have had to eat the bacon off first then the cupcake...haha.
Sorry about the Caregiver. I am sending good vibes your way that not only will she get better quick, but you and Sis survive until then. Oh and I didn't think hospitals could do that? I really think if they did, that is just wrong.
I am happy Betty White is getting her time, I just love her. I also think too much is being put on about DWTS. That is the one thing I hate most about reality shows like this, they start doing stupid stuff and just makes it harder for me to keep watching. I didn't watch much of it last season, mostly because they kept keeping Kate, which was ridiculous. I am also like you done with Top Chef.
Last week was for the most part usual. The best part was neither the Shankster or I didn't have any Doctor appointments or tests to do. Knock on wood. The worst part was I went totally out of my comfort zone the week before. The after effects lingered on all last weekend and I am still fretting over it. I think I said something about it in a comment to a post, but didn't post about it on update day last Sunday. I just didn't know what to say about it. But wonder now what you all may think. Without having to go into too much detail, I will say that I have a cousin. She doesn't live in this state anymore, but did when we were kids until age 15. We are 2 days apart. Very close then. We have in the past 10 years gotten back in touch as she was having to care for her mother and father in their last days. I supported her in all she had to deal with with her family, as we all know here, it is usually one child to deal with mom and dad when the troubled health begins. Now that they are gone, she has went back to her usual life and it is as though none of it happened. That is ok. But When I say anything to her in hopes of getting just a supporting ear, I get the opposite. She has a reason for whatever is bugging me, that does not support me. But me being me, I have bitten my tongue and I have let it go. Recently some events happened that caused me to not only get my feelings hurt, but it really, really made me mad. I never get mad. REALLY I never do. But this made me mad and I called her up and called her out on it. I totally caught her by surprise, and I was quick, to the point and said goodbye and hung up. I almost felt relief as I think with the none support and some other things, it was a long time coming. But I just don't do that. I mean she is family. She in turn wrote me an email that turned everything into my fault and so I am just thinking I am done with her. Another family member off my list I guess. But my question to you all here, was I wrong to do what I did in anger, and with hurt feelings? I didn't hurt her feelings, I wasn't mean, just asked why she did what she did, and told her my feelings were hurt. But I think I was blunt, maybe a bit loud. I am never loud either. I guess that is the part I am having a hard time with. Just still feeling a bit weird by it, but then a lot relieved as I don't want to be surrounded by people that are fake, whether they are my family or not.
Hope everyone here has a great week. AND, Thanks for listening to me.
Hi Dona
Generally I think it is better to not lash out in anger but you reach a point where it is unhealthy to keep it inside. Like you I keep it inside way to long and then when it gets it out it gets out at a pretty high level. Many times I keep things inside because I don't want to hurt the other person even though their life's mission seems to be to hurt me. Finally, enough is enough. Then after Mt. Bill erupts he feels extremely guilty.
Do I think you were wrong to lash out at your cousin? Yes, but only because you didn't do it earlier. You were there for her, she wasn't there for you. That deserves a tongue lashing. Her coming back at you and making it feel like it was your fault is her guilt which is just further proof that you were right. It also is an indicator she wouldn't have accepted anything unless you did explode.
Although I think you were both well within your rights and right to do what you did I wonder if the reason that you feel guilty is that the reason you were angry wasn't all her, she just was the one that rightfully angered you the most. You have had a lot on your plate. Your dad. Your health issues. Your husband's health Issues. That is a hell of a lot to deal with and you may have been angry that life put you in this situation that you are seemingly stuck in. The cousin deserved to be told how she hurt you and instead of feeling guilty be glad that you got your feelings out in the open with your cousin before you exploded at your dad or The Shankster. And I think after time and after she talks to other family members she may come to terms with the fact that you were right and reach out to you, it may take a while but I wouldn't rule it out.
My two cents.
Not sure about some of the entries, like the bacon-flavored vodka, and I've yet to try Baconnaise, but I'd sure attend a bacon festival if there was one around here.
I would certainly avoid the hospital the caregiver was taken to, and if I were the caregiver or a family member, I'd file a complaint about it. Lots of good vibes coming for caregiver and for your mom, too.
Sorry to say I have no interest in Betty White or DWTS any more. I'd probably enjoy having lunch with White, but I don't care for her on screen and never like the characters they give her to play. DWTS? Tired of it before last season. I still like Top Chef and Project Runway, though I often disagree with the judges on both shows.
Dona, I agree with absolutely everything Bill said. I think you needed to express your feelings, and good for you for having the courage to do it. Your cousin may have second thoughts and reach out, but if she doesn't, it's her loss. You don't need to deal with anyone who should know enough to be supportive but turns everything back onto you.
Nothing new around here, except that a new caregiver where my mom lives announced to me that she just heard of two people of advanced age -- one 125, the other 135. I told her if my mom lived that long, she'd be living in a cardboard box on the street. Money only lasts so long.
Here's a question for everyone: If you were confined to a wheelchair, needed help to do anything at all and remembered nothing of your 104 years beyond childhood, even if you were not in any particular discomfort, and relatively contented most of the time, would you want to continue living? Me? I wouldn't. Or at least that's how I feel now. Ask me again when I'm 99 or so. I'm pretty sure that's what my mom would say if her brain was still working, but I'll never really know. Not that it matters, as we keep her as comfy and happy as possible, and there's no decision to be made.
Hi Pat
Answering your last question first. Nope. To me it would be a quality of life issue. And I wouldn't want to be here. I'd want someone to do me in but in a way they wouldn't be charged with a crime.
I've already got the next baconfest circled on my calendar. The bacon cupcakes I might try but certainly not the vodka ones.
The hospital is supposed be one of the nicer ones around but we won't go there anymore. I just wish I had both sides. Thanks for the vibes.
DWTS still interests me because it is a show that our whole family likes and can watch together. Last season was actually probably the best of all their seasons.
125 and 135 is just to old. And if we were all alive we wouldn't let your mom sleep in the street or you for that matter. We would take up a collection here and in S16.
Bi;;
Okay, sending this as two messages, as the blog master says it's too long to accept.
A bacon festival... I'd have first in line. I'm glad to see White get the award. She's one of the few who's still getting jobs at her age. As to DWTS, I think a press conference is a bit of overkill. Just how important is the competition, really?
You've had a busy week. I'm amazed the hospital refused to see the caretaker. I'm not sure simply dismissing her was legal and it's sure worth her checking into. I do recall, in FL, there were hospitals who would refuse non-insured patients, but they were required to transport them to a hospital which would take them.
I understand your concern about your Mom calling you or Sis, rather than 911. I suspect it may be largely a case of her knowing you two will take care of her and 911 is an unknown entity. Don't know how to get across to her that 911 can save her life, you can't. It's one of the reasons we got Mom the MedAlert necklace. She didn't have to dial anything, just press the button on the pendant. If she didn't respond normally or at all, they'd immediately alert 911, then call me. We never had to use it, thank the Lord, but a couple times she inadvertently put pressure on the button and they were on the speaker phone within literally seconds, asking specific questions and monitoring her responses and breathing and reaction.
Dona, I'm sorry to hear about the brouhaha with your cousin, but there does come a time when you can't hold in the hurt and anger any longer. The lack of support, given your past history, is very difficult to understand. I agree with Bill, you've had too much on your plate to put up with someone being unsupportive and better you let loose on her than your dad or the Shankster. There was more than once, while caring for Mom, especially during the long weeks of hospitalization and rehab and her return home, when I exploded at a sibling, usually when they tried to tell me I must be patient and Mom was the priority and she couldn't be expected to do this or that and I thought, "If that's the case, why the h*ll aren't you here? Where are your priorities?" We're all still speaking, but I have to be honest about the fact they never did get it, they never did come through, except the time I told my brother he had no choice in helping, if he expected me to retain my sanity, my marriage and future care of Mom. Julia Cameron taught me a lot about "toxic" people in our lives. Even if we're close to them and feel guilty about it, it's sometimes better to remove them from our sphere, whether for the short term or the long haul.
Part II
Pat, If I were in the situation you describe, I wouldn't want to continue living. Not that I would care, because I wouldn't really be aware of what was going on, but because of family and friends. I have too many acquaintances and, now, my next door neighbor, who are going through this and it's h*ll on the loved ones and caregivers and, as you said, money only lasts so long. I wouldn't want Himself spending money on a wife who couldn't communicate with him, never mind all the other issues. I talked briefly with Craig (next door neighbor's son) and he's being torn apart. His mom is in a nursing home, in a wheelchair, relatively comfortable, but doesn't know who or where she is and, half the time who they are. His father is miserable, being home along and visiting daily. And C's worried about him, because he's quite frail, obsessed with his wife, not too steady and C's afraid he's going to fall again. And the dad is so independent and hard-headed, he's refused any and all offers of help from us. One does wonder how life really works, sometimes.
My week was relatively quiet, compared to the previous one. Tied up some loose ends on the credit card thing, just have the sheriff's report to deal with and downloading the Equifax credit report, to see if anything looks strange. Finally got some editorial hours in and hope to finish the current project tomorrow. I did take today off to putz and clear some paperwork, get Skeeter's nails done, read a couple of the magazines that have collected. Next week looks busy. Finish the project, a line dance show Tuesday (which Maryanne is going to try to videotape), a massage for the frozen shoulder on Thursday (I don't care if it's PT, a massage is a wonderful thing.)
Bacon flavored Vodka? Must have missed that one, I wouldn't try that either.
To answer Pat's question, NO I wouldn't want to live either...if you can call that living. I am with Bill, if someone will do me in, without getting charged, I am all for it, if I get in that kind of shape. I think it is absolutely great that you are in a position, if only for a time, to do what you can to make your mom comfortable, so to not have to make the dreaded decisions so many of us have to make.
Thanks to both you and Bill for making me feel I was ok in my decision, albeit a quick one. I think Bill, if you knew exactly what she did to me and another cousin did it also, not once but several times in the course of a few days, it may make it easier for you to understand that it wasn't a buildup of my living situation here or the health issues we have had recently. I really don't think that had anything to do with it. It was a matter of deceitfulness on both the cousins parts. (I am not sure that is the correct word to use, but they both went behind my back intentionally)
So not a lashing so to speak, just as Pat put it, I finally had the courage to stand up to her/question her reasoning, I have never done that to her or anyone.
Oh and guess what I had for dinner? Bacon Burgers on the grill!! :) Wonder where I got that idea?
Totally off the subject, but a wake-up call others may benefit from. Mom's cousins were visiting their daughter in Clemson SC a couple weeks ago, when Nellie smelled smoke, when she went to bed. She managed to get everyone out of the house, with nothing but whatever they were wearing, except one of the dogs. The house (big, fairly new, I've been there) burned to the ground in about two hours. Pam's car was a pile of molten metal in the garage. Nothing was saved or salvaged.
Point is, Pam and her husband were very successful in their own businesses and both worked from home. Computers and records are gone, toast.
We're sloppy about backup. However, today we bought three (pick up the fourth when it comes in) external hard drives and next week I'll get the safety deposit box we've talked about and a bunch of stuff, including weekly backups, will be stored off site. And our insurance will be updated. You can replace a house and furnishings and computers, but you can't replace records that haven't been backed up.
Just a heads up for anyone who is "gonna get around to it."
Sorry about the caregiver, Bill. I know from experience what happens when the caregiver is out of the picture even if for a few days. I understand about your Mom as well. When people, older folks especially, are knocked out of their routine it makes them uncomfortable and scared. Routine keeps them safe. I'll say some prayers for everyone... : )
Hi DR
Sorry it took so long to respond am still at Mom's. I did today's entry yesterday and preset it to post at eleven this morning.
I've put the baconfest on my bucket list.
White is a symbol of how one can age and still contribute to life.
I really question the caregivers not being treated since Oregon law requires treatment. I'm just don't want to cause waves without knowing both sides.
I think you are right about Mom but I also think she really wants someone else to take over the responsibility. We tried the med alert thing and it didn't work with Mom she still called us first.
Interesting that you wrote about exploding at your siblings because I came really close to exploding at mine the other day. I've been taking care of Mom and Dad in some capacity know for fifteen years or more. Yet I'm constantly made to feel incompentant by one of my sibling. The other day I was called and asked now just what did mom have for lunch because she was having a spell and I most likely didn't give her enough to eat. Of course I had. I know enough to do that. The spell was because Mom was upset at being corrected all the time and having everything she does done over. But I get the blame. I told Mom an explosing isn't far away.
Bill
Hi DR
The thing with the situation Pat described I wouldn't want to be a burden to anyone unless I could enjoy life. It is why I believe in Death With Dignity laws.
I'm glad your week got a little quieter and you were able to take a day off.
If Maryanne video tapes I hope you can upload it to a sit we can watch it!
Bill
Hi Dona
That is just it with Pat's situation you really can't call that living.
OK, now that we know it is a behind the back issue. Call 1-800-hitmen.
You had Bacon Burgers and didn't invite me over?
Bill
Hi DR
I was pretty much aware of the backup problems from all the seminars I go to. A lot of people use a tape backup system but they fail over half the time. I have two computers and everything on each of them. I store one computer either at Mom's or in another place so I'm good to go.
I hope your friends are recovering and hope they had insurance.
Bill
Symply!!!
How are you doing? School? Work? Daughter?
The first Janet Evonovich movie, One For The Money is coming out. Kathryn Heigl is playing Stephanie. I think that is a really bad choice. I just hope Betty White is Grandma Mazur.
I have no doubt that you know what happens in every caregiver situation.
Thanks for the prayers!
Bill
Bill, Dona, all caregivers - Sometimes I think we have to explode, in the interest of our own sanity and, maybe, self esteem. Long distance or inexperienced directives and semi-accusations (however subtle) get old really fast, when you're busting your buns and you know the situation intimately.
Hi DR
I compelte agree with you. We also have be strong willed enough when they come riding in on their white horses after we done the dirty work for years and then not even listen to us about how to do things. Instead they tell us what to do. It doesn't matter that we have been there when the physical therapists taught us how to lift or how to manage the wheelchair or the diet classes we went to or the elderly care classes we went, they know better then us and aren't willing or able to be taught.
Bill
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