Snugpug is a daily reader of the blog. Like a lot of us here she cares for an elderly parent. Like a lot of us here she sometimes faces issues that she would like input on. Snug is from Singapore.
Here is the email I received from her yesterday:
Hi Bill,
It is very kind of you to open up your blog so that those of us with elderly parents can exchange ideas.
I'm sorry I haven't the experience to contribute, especially to LadyDR. But it does sound like so many people have given so many good ideas.
I do have a question, if you don't mind posting it. I'm concerned that my father is getting very detached. His hearing degenerated a long time ago. He had hearing aids for a while but lately has given up on them. By this year, he started to lose vision in one eye because of MD. He no longer reads, nor watches TV because of the sight and hearing problems.
For a while, his interest was food. And then that came to a halt last Christmas because his Parkinson's had reached a state where he lost his swallowing reflex and had to have a feeding tube.
That was a very depressing holiday season for him, and for all of us. But luckily, after months of physiotherapy, his doctor and therapist decided that he have the tube removed. He still can't eat proper meals, everything has to be blended into a pudding consistency, and he cannot drink liquids, but must have thickener stirred into his water.
Basically, my question is: Is there any activity that I can get him interested in? He doesn't like to participate in any elderly day care things, partly because of immobility and also because he can't hear very well, and has distanced himself, even from family members. I don't like the idea that he withdraws into silence almost all day.
Back to me. Gosh Snug you are dealing with way to much. My heart just goes out to you. The one thing that I noted in your email that stuck home with me and I don't really have a suggestion just a worry and a tip for something to watch out for. My dad had Parkinson's and what we learned after the fact, when it was to late to do testing that could have resulted in treatments to delay the onset of dementia, is that Parkinson's is often but not always a percursor to dementia. Have him tested for dementia as early as you can.
OK, the blog has the most wonderful women posters and you always step up to the plate when asked. Step up to the plate again and give Snug some suggestions. And if you are reading the blog and haven't posted yet and have some suggestions for Snug please post them, none of us bite. Even if there are men out there, don't be afraid that you will be treated any differently, you are always welcome to blog here. Helping another is always a good way to introduce yourself!
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12 comments:
Oh Snug...I feel bad for you as well as your dad. Here I think I am experiencing the worst and there you are! My dad too has no hearing. It seemed to be I got used to it until I had to come here. Now I remember what my mom used to mean when she would say, "The Silence is Deafening!" It is a hard thing to deal with. When I see my dad not responding (ususally in the winter when he can't golf) I just say come on dad and I do something with him. Even if it is going to a local store to get him out. I know that may not be the solution for you, but I agree with you that in their silence you feel they can just slip away. I play card games with him also. I just try to do with him something that he has an interest in..even if I don't.
God Bless and I hope more here can offer more suggestions.
Oh, Snug, what you're dealing with sounds so very difficult. I can appreciate the difficulties with the loss of vision. Do the retina specialists over there use the Avistan injections for MD? They can stabalize the eye and sometimes improve the vision a bit. The sooner they're started the better. Do you have any agencies that deal with the blind? Even though your father has vision in one eye, the fact he can't read or watch TV may well qualify him for some assistance with magnifying tools, which are much better than over the counter magnifiers. For example, there's a magnifier on a stand that can be adapted to whatever his eyesight is and would allow him to perhaps continue reading. There are also magnifiers for the TV, from what I've been told.
Does your father live alone or with you or another family member? (May seem a nosy questions, but would help some maybe answer your questions)
Mom's hearing is gradually going, but not critical at the moment. However, when we say the eye-ear-nose-throat specialist, he mentioned that she would want to have it tested periodically and that there were several new "generations" of hearing aids now available. If it's been some time since he got his hearing aids, it may be that they have annoying echoes or are no longer the proper aids for him, he may need stronger ones or ones that filter peripheral noise. Is it possible you could convince him to be retested and check on why his no longer seem to work and what's now available? I would think losing both sight and hearing ability would be extremely frustrating for him and for you.
As to activities... that's a tough one, given what you've said and not knowing your situation or much about Singapore. Could you interest him in going on rides with you outside the city? Or walks in a city park? Even though his vision is failing, he could still see/feel the sunshine, smell the flowers, enjoy the wind on his face. I recently stumbled across something called "ecotherapy," where research over years has proven that exposure to nature has a positive effect on personality and lonliness and withdrawal, whether the subjects were children, elders or stressed middle agers. Is his vision good enough he could be encouraged to have a small garden at his home/apt or could grow houseplants and maybe some herbs inside? Digging in the dirt -- inside or out -- is often beneficial.
I guess I'd really start with finding out if anything can be done about his hearing. Part of his withdrawal may be that loss of hearing, particularly if it's more in one ear than the other, can lead to balance problems and that may make him hesitant to do things, if he's fearful of falling or doesn't feel steady on his feet.
Don't know if any of this helps. Everytime I think I'm dealing with the pits or get impatient or whatever, I see situations like yours and Dona's and others here and realize I'm really very fortunate.
Sending encouraging hugs and prayers.
Hi dona
Thanks for contributing your input gave me an idea.
Elders like to talk about themselves and family history is always important to them.
They could play a game like twenty questions where there would be interchanges between the two. Snug could direct the questions toward his background. Where he went to college, high school, who his friends were etc. He could also ask question of her like her favorite movie, etc. It doesn't require hearing or sight and could fill up a lot of time.
The other thing she could do is just not go a game but get a tape recorder and have him tell his life story to it.
Bill
Hi DR
Thank you also for contributing.
The magnifer is a great idea!
Great idea about the walks and they often result in interaction with others which is always a good thing for the elderly.
Thanks for the helpful post!
My heart goes out to Snug, too. It's so hard to get out parents to do anything they don't want to do, and especially so once they've all but given up. I will add these two thoughts, tho. The first one will sound familiar to most of you. I encourage you to ask his doctor about antidepresents.
The 2nd is just some insight on the hearing aids. My Mother won't wear hers anymore either. But... I understand a bit on why. For the past few years I was having to ask almost everyone, especially men, to repeat themselves. This was annoying to me, but then I realized that it had to be more annoying to them. So, I went and had my hearing tested. I've been diagnosed with premature hearing loss and now wear hearing aids. I have the upper-middle of the line that have a programable button that will raise the volumn in closed areas, i.e. for meetings.
I like that I don't have to ask most people to repeat themselves anymore, but male voices are still the most difficult for me to hear. I kinda find a sweet justice in that (shy smile). Anyway.... yes, they help me hear voices, but they also elevate the sound levels of everything else. With normal hearing I could "tune out" some things and filter what I felt I really needed to listen to. Can't do that with hearing aids. Not only are all the noises louder, they compete with each other. That and the echo effect that DR mentioned takes some getting use to.. ok, you learn to tolerate.
Once I'm home for the evening, I take mine out. Who cares if my TV is a little loud? You're always aware they're in your ears as they are very much like little plugs. So, there has to be a BIG benefit to you, to wear them.
One more thought, if you don't wear the hearing aids everyday, it's expensive. The batteries are activated when you remove the little sticky tab from them, and then only last about a week. That's even with turning the hearing aids off during the time you're not wearing them. So once you activate a battery, you're only going to get 7 - 10 days out of them.
OK, maybe more than you wanted to know, but just thought I could add some insight on why they don't want to wear their hearing aids. Sounds become very annoying.
Snug, I'm so sorry you have all this to deal with. I'm afraid I have nothing much to offer beyond what's been said here... good advice, all. I would second the suggestion that you look into the newer hearing aids and the magnifying devices. My mother was much more in touch after she got her hearing aids at last. Unfortunately, really good hearing aids are extremely expensive, but if your dad is still there mentally, I think they're worth pursuing if you can manage it.
I very much like the idea of taking walks. If he can't manage it, perhaps you can use a wheelchair for an outing now and then.
Good luck, and let us hear how things are going. We care.
Thank you every one for your suggestions and advice. I appreciate your taking the time and effort to leave a comment.
Bill, thank you too, for opening up your blog in this way. You've got some very kind people in this space.
God bless you all.
Adi in Singapore
(snugpug's just my nickname on my blog -- http://snugpug.blogspot.com/)
Kaye
Thank you so much for posting about your experience with hearing aids. I had no idea that you were dealing with early loss of hearing. You certainly handle it well. It takes the most special of people to share personal experiences with others to help them. I'm positive that you not only helped Adi (Snug) but others as well.
Hugs, Kaye.
Bill
Hi Pat
You have a lot to offer, Pat. Support sometimes is all that is needed!
Bill
Adi
You will not find a better quality woman anywhere else. The are really, really good folks!
Bill
Hey Bill good idea on the family history thing..I had forgotten about that..it honestly kept my dad busy all last winter. When he had an idea we looked it up on the internet and printed things out and then he was able to talk it over with his cousins/their kids he goes to church with. He even kept it all in folders and gave them to his sisters and other members of the family.
Even though Snug's father's eyesight is getting bad I agree with Bill in that most elderly love talking about family history..the recorder is a good idea.
Hi Dona
We did the tape recorder thing with my grandmother when she was alive. It has been really valuable to still have that tape and the information we got when taping her life was amazing.
We found out that we were related to John Adams and John Quincy Adams. She was named after Margeret
Adams.
It not only keeps them busy, it provides good information to you.
Bill
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