Happy Halloween Everyone! Don't forgot at 2 a.m. Sunday morning this weekend you set your clock back one hour. Spring forward fall back is the ridiculous exercise we do twice a year. I wish they would leave the darn clock alone.
On to tonight. I love Halloween. I love the little monsters, goblins, ghosts, and princesses that stop at my door every Halloween. Love it so much that when I moved to this neighborhood ten years ago I gave out full size bars and now I am a neighborhood tradition. I give out the full size bars for two reasons. One, I love the reaction on the faces of the kids when they get a full sized bar. Two, it is cheap all year round protection. I think I am the only house in my neighborhood that hasn't been tped in the ten years that I've been here. Certainly the bars are cheaper than having to clean up messes!
On to other things. Mom is adjusting now to the arrangement with the live in caregiver. That takes a lot of worry away fro me. There are still a lot of responsibilities for me. I have to take care of two houses, do all the grocery shopping for both houses, doctors' appointments, social outings and the list goes on. Sometimes it is very overwhelming. Since I am feeling overwhelmed today and it helps me to know others out there are dealing with the same situation I would like all of you that are reading this to do two things; 1. Whether you are caring for an elderly parent or not I'd like to know what you are doing for Halloween & 2. For those of you that are caring for aging parents update me on how the things are going between you and your elderly loved one.
For the next couple of weeks I am going to call Fridays, Update Friday. We will use the next few Fridays as the day when those caring for elderly parents can tell us what is going on in their lives, what concerns you have with your loved ones, what is the most difficult thing that you face with them, what is the thing you like the most about care giving, you can vent, or just tell us anything you want. For those out there that haven't posted yet, we don't discriminate here, if you are caring for an elderly parent tell us about it, if you have parents closing in on the time when they may need more care tell us your concerns. In addition for those of you that aren't caring about elderly parents I would still love updates on your lives. Your joys, your concerns, your stresses. For the next couple of weeks, Fridays my blog is yours!
May you remember to fall back at 2 a.m. Sunday morning!
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16 comments:
No plans for Halloween here. We rarely have more than 4-5 kids come to the door - no children live in the neighborhood right now, and it's very hilly. We do have some candy ready (always some kind that we dislike, so we're not tempted to finish it).
As I've said before, my parents have been gone for years, and John's parents died in 1992 and 1997. But I'm very sympathetic with all of you.
And now, our kids are the ones who are going to have to deal with US!!!! (Evil laughter!)
I'm planning to blow off Halloween this year. I did last year, too. I'll go to Las Casitas and spend the evening with my mom. Usually, I come home about 8 when I do that, but tonight I'll give everybody a treat and stay later. I'm wearing black with an orange scarf (the only piece of orange I own) and my spider earrings. That's it for Halloween.
For at least 43 years, up to last year, I've given out candy. Before that, for several years just by coincidence, our season opera tickets just happened to fall on 10/31. But after we had a kid in the house, we gave out candy plus went out ourselves for trick or treating. When daughter got too old for it, she'd give out the candy and I kept doing it after she left the nest. Mostly, I enjoyed it. I love the early ones when it's the little kids. When the ones taller than I come around, maybe not so much, but mostly they're cute and they have good costumes and they say thank you. I get tons of kids here when I open the gate and have the lights on. I've given out 8 to 10 of those bags of small-sized candy bars some years.
Caregiving continues the same. Some days/nights good, some difficult. My mother's general physical health continues to be good, so this promises to be a long haul. I just hope her money holds out as long as she does, because I need to hang onto mine for my own dotage, which may come sooner rather than later.
No plans here either. We don't have any familys with children living here right now, so it will be a quiet evening at home.
The caregiving is about the same. Sis is with Mom tonite and of course, no kids in Sun City so no trick-or-treaters.
Oh... I wore my Halloween costume today at work (evin grin). I found these cute little clip on devil horns at a dollar type store a couple of weeks back. Got a pair for me and each of my employees. I have a lot of hair, so they're kind subtle.. but once someone noticed the red, then they noticed they were horns. I felt a tad devilish all day today! One of the ladies that works for me is very religious. I was actually surprised she put the horns on. I told her it was a very different look for her! One of the guys shaved his head last weekend. I offerred to loan him my super glue... but he declined.
Other than that... TGIF!!
And a Happy Halloween to you and all the others here. Since we live on a little semi-circle behind the old Turner homestead, we've never had T&Ts. Used to have a lot in FL and would dress up to pass out treats. Since Ralph is here for the night, before he and Himself head to hamfest at 0-dark-thirty, we celebrated with dinner out.
Like you, wish they'd just leave the darned clock alone! What difference if you turn the lights on earlier in the morning or in the evening?
Quick question -- why can't the caretaker take care of the light housekeeping and take your mom grocery shopping? Since she's there full time, I'd think she could do some light housekeeping and take your mom on errands... that's what I see in the websites I've checked out and Sue and Thelma's caretakers do that, but I have no personal experience. Guess I'm looking for some answers, if we end up going that route. I understand about the social outings and I'd never let a caretaker (or anyone else) go wtih the doc with Mom, because I have "THE" notebook of all visits. I'm glad to hear Mom is adjusting to the new arrangement.
Your questions: I've answered #1. As to the second... we saw the retina spec Monday and Mom's vision in her right eye has come up a bit and we see him again on the 14th, to get a better idea of what's happening and might happen. Tuesday, she recovered from the dilations, which are always more difficult for her than most. Wednesday we did her fasting blood tests, breakfast, a haircut. After line dance, I did a run to Michaels to get her embroidery floss and she was sound asleep when I dropped that off at 4:30. Today we did late lunch and grocery shopping. Tomorrow I go over to clean the apartment, move furniture and set up the Christmas tree, as she figures she'll need more time this year to get ready for her open house (which she says will be her last at the apartment) because of mobility and vision issues.
My emails with provacative comments about elder care att'ys, comm on the blind, PoA, signature cards and assisted living has created more movement. Middle sister is due in the 8th, to stay a week. She's never visited Mom, since she moved here and Mother is in alt, of course. I'm hoping Rho will share perspectives and perceptions with me, but not counting on it.
I think the most difficult thing with Mom right now is that she's not sharing her feelings, her plans, what she and youngest sister may be considering... Mom has a lot of hopes, but I'm not seeing confirmation of these, so I can't plan on anything changing, other than Mom being disappointed if things don't work out as she hopes. Also, the fears that if the gel injections and MD injections don't work, we're looking at issues of both mobility and vision and no one can give us a solid prognosis on either. I'm trying to think positive.
What I like most about caregiving -- being here for Mom, having her nearby, spending time with her, knowing I'm dong the best I can and repaying her in small part for all she's done for me throughout my life. While I get very frustrated at time, because she has pain and complaints I can't fix, being able to do what I can is a blessing a lot of kids can't/don't/won't enjoy or experience. Yes, as you say, sometimes it seems overwhelming, particularly when sibs don't seem to have a clue, but the bottom line is I have my mother here, I can enjoy her good days or her good hours and I know I'll never regret missing time with her. While there are days I pray for patience, there are more days I express my gratitude for the time we have together. The biggest challenge continues to be making time for Mom, time for me and time for my husband and I together, amidst all the doctor app'ts, errands, caregiving, work and life's general demands.
Hi Mary
I only had 15 last night when I usually have fifty or more. I thought with it being on a Friday night more would be out but it worked just the opposite. Maybe with parents not working the next day there were more parties.
We all love your support, Mary, even if your caregiving duties are in the past!
Bill
Hi Pat
Judging by my experince last night was a good night to blow off Halloween. There just weren't that many out there. Maybe with the economy the costumes became unaffordable and also less people in the neighborhood left their lights on maybe because candy wasn't in their budget.
It also sounds like you more than did your fair share of trick or treating and handing out candy.
The hardest thing about caregiving for me is it does seem it is for the long term and that there is no end in sight. It just makes it seem like I'm on a merry go around and can't get off.
Bill
Hi Dr
When I said two houses to take care of I didn't really mean housekeeping. The caregivers do do that. There still are a lot of things to do around the house like cleaning out the gutters, preparing the house for winter, and the list goes on. I do that for two houses plus the inside cleaning of mine. As to the shopping mom prefers that I do it for two reasons: 1: I am a terrific shopper and when I buy the groceries, using coupons, watching for bargains, etc I save moom two to four hundred a month. The caregivers are at the age where they aren't willing to be taught how to shop which brings us to 2: Mom is diabetic and the caregivers just don't understand how imoportant reading food labels is. Just one example, Mom sent one out for yogurt last week, she came back with the ones that have 32 grams of sugar in them instead of the 7 gram ones. Also fat content is important for diabetics and they don't pay attention to that either and aren't willing to listen to instructions. As to the errands most of my errands are banking and doctors. Mom doesn't want the caregivers to know anything about her finances and I actually agree with that.
I wouldn't mind if it was daylight time all year round. It just seems stupid to me to keep changing the clock.
I'm looking forward to a positive report on the 14th and that your mom's eye sight will have come back even more.
By the way it sounds like you had mom stuff almost every day this week!
YEA! As to the movement that your emails have caused. I hope when your sister gets there you will get a complete break.
It is real common for the elderly not to share their feelings. I've been looking into to mind reading classes so I can better take care of mom.
I like the same thing about caregiving that you do. And truthfully, DR, I think even if our parents were pain free they would still complain about aches and pains. The other thing I like about caregiving is the momnents I create with mom that the other siblings will never be able to experience.
Bill
Hi Kaye!
No treak or treaters are allowed in mom's retirement community either. However, a lot of residents are disappointed by that.
Way to go as to wearing your costume at work! Did you take a picture? I always knew you had a little devil in you.
lol re super glue.
Bill
Bill... check into what DR mentioned. Most caretakers will do light housekeeping, laundry and grocery shopping. Most will, you just may need to specify what you'd like them to do and how, and provide a list of what groceries you pick up as a routine. I have a document with just about everything we get for Mom.... then during the week either we or TJ will check off what's needed. I can send that to you if you'd like so you can see what we work off of. It's really not that lenghty. It makes the decisions easier especially when there's more than one person fixing meals and eating.
I understand your analogy of the merry go round.
Supportive hugs to all.
Hello there Kaye
We were on the blog at the exact same time. I was posting my response to DR, when you were posting your message!
See my response to her.
Bill
We had Zero trick-or-treaters last night. This will probably be our last time to leave the lights on.
Hi Mary
It probably will be the last time for me too.
Bill
When I came home last night at about 8:30, there were still quite a few groups of trick or treaters out, but maybe they were on their way home. I kept the lights visible from the street off until about 9:30, just in case. I think next year I'll give out candy again. It's more difficult to hide out than to just do it.
Yes, it's the "can't get off the merry-go-round" aspect that gets to me. How long will the money hold out, how will the inevitable decline happen, how can I get a better handle on my own so-called life... all questions with no real answer. I suppose we want to be able to plan our lives and that's impossible at the moment. Same for DR and others in the same boat, I'm sure.
Hi Pat
That seems late for trick or treaters although I shut my lights off.
I ask the same questions that you do plus do I have enough money to live my life out?
Bill
Hi Bill,
I am a little late for posting on Halloween, but here goes anyhoo.
I love Halloween. Actually I love all holidays. I used to dress up with the kiddies when trick or treating, and carried that on when passing out treats. (If you must know I was a witch with the green mole and all!)
But since living here at my dad's no kids come here. Except of course for my bro's kids. But for some reason this year I failed to buy something especially for them, I don't know if its because of my attitude towards my bro but, good thing I always have some kind of candy as they did get around to coming by.
SO I miss the little Trick or Treaters.
About the time change...I wish they would have left it alone as well!
Last thing, Bill since you didn't have nearly the amount of treaters...what ARE you going to do with those EXTRA FULL size Bars?
Need some suggestions? :)
Hi Dona
Always great to hear from you. You are never to late for Halloween! I have a year supply of full sized candy bars in my freezer but am willing to ship them to anyone and I will pay the postage!
You know what I love all holidays too although Christmas not as much as I used to. I will bet you looked good even as a witch!
Bill
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