Some days I just struggle with things to write and often the only things I have to say are all about me which really isn't me. I would rather hear how and what others are doing. However, the only thing I have to write about today is my week and a party that I am going to tonight.
The week started in grand fashion Sunday morning with brunch with my good friends Ted and Doug. After brunch I took Mom to the King City Library so she could check out some books. This was mom's first visit to her local library. King City is a retirement community that operates everything on the honor system. Yes, the honor system. Every resident of King City has a key to the local library. A resident can visit the library any time day or night. Because Mom is having trouble walking long distances now I always put her in the wheelchair and wheel her through where ever she wants to go. Sure it is difficult to get the chair out of the trunk of the car, etc, but I don't mind doing it and since I did it with dad every day for the last three years of his life I'm pretty wheelchair efficient. Mom checked out four books and God love her, said "This should be enough for this week."
Monday I took Mom and I out to get our flu shots and then to lunch. Uusally getting the flu shot is drama free and the shots don't really hurt but this year I knew I was in for a bit of trouble when the pharmacist said to me, "You remind me of my ex-husband." Wow did that shot ever hurt. We had a nice lunch and then I went home for a bit of rest before going to my salvation, the comedy class.
Tuesday it was taking Mom to the bank and the post office. She needed money and stamps. There are always errands to run.
Wednesday one of the caregivers had some things to do so I filled in at Mom's for a couple of hours. She didn't really feel like going out that day so we just talked. Plus before going over there I stopped and got us a couple of frosties from Wendy's for us to partake in. Mom would be happy eating a frosty for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I don't really like frosties but it is one of those special moments that I like to create with Mom so I bit the bullet and shared a frosty with her.
Thursday I didn't really spend a lot of time with Mom but still I had to do some errands on her behalf. She takes a pain pill that is a narcotic so the doctors can't fax it or call it in to the pharmacy, you have to have an actual paper prescription to take to the pharmacy. Off to her doctor's office to pickup the prescription and then off to the pharmacy to get the prescription filled. My niece is a pharmacist so to support her we go to her pharmacy. It is 14 miles from Mom's doctor making this errand a little time consuming. Off to the pharmcy and then back to Mom's to drop off the prescription. On the way home I decided I needed some peace so went to a movie, The Body of Lies.
Yesterday, another caregiver was missing in action. I went over and filled in for a few hours. I took Mom grocery shopping. Again the wheelchair thing. The store we went too doesn't really offer one of those riding wheelchairs to use so this becomes really fun for me, pushing both the grocery cart and the wheelchair at the same time. I survived. After we got to Mom's house we played Yahtzee for an hour. Mom loves to play games. She used to beat me all the time. This time I won two out of three. Seriously, playing Yahtzee with her yesterday turned out to be really traumatic for me. Watching mom struggle with some of the calculations was absolutely heartbreaking. It is so painful to watch as her mind is slowing down, memories of Dad. But what can I do? She needs me, I have to be there for her. I would love to run far away and not face my Mom's declining health but that isn't me. I wish I could be as clueless as my brother and as far away as my sister. Oh, well.
Today I am taking Mom to lunch and to a postal outlet to get some legal documents notarized.
Then tonight I am going to a party. This is the first social situation for me since my new found confidence. It is a 50th birthday party for a former client. He owns a well known cooling and heating company in the Portland area. He is a millionaire with a house that you just couldn't believe unless you saw it. He is a great guy with a very sweet and lovely wife. They have adopted two kids. This party is way above my social element but I want to go to test how I will do in a social situation now as opposed to before the class. Also his wife has said that there will be a couple of single women there for me to meet. From the descriptions of them, they are really to young for me but nothing ventured nothing gained. Already an improvement because before I would have made up an excuse to get out of going to the party just because there were single women there to meet.
How has your week been? Inquiring minds want to know.
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16 comments:
I hope you have a wonderful time at your party tonight - and we're looking forward to hearing all about it.
However, I must butt in to say that, if this week is any indication, you are again starting to dedicate an awful lot of your life to your mother. You've got to be very careful so that you don't fall into that routine again. Be sure to take plenty of time to take care of yourself.
Hello Mary Z
Hope things are well with you. I will report in on the party if anything major happens.
Thanks for the concern re mom and you are right it does look like I am getting sucked back in but this time I feel freeer to move back out on a moment's notice.
Bill
Bill.. you'll have a great time at the party! Sounds like a perfect mix for mingling. We expect a FULL report!!
Take care of you! This is a good thing and will probably give you some experiences to draw on for Monday nites!
Hi Kaye
I am already thinking of excuses to leave early from the party!
Would you believe I only have two Monday nights left?
Bill
Yes. What Mary Z said. About the party and about not getting sucked into too much caregiving again. My week? Pretty boring, but you asked for it. Let's see... the two book groups and the investment club all happened to meet this same week. So I guess it was actually less boring than usual, now that I think on't.
Yesterday, my daughter and I, 400 miles apart, started Spanish III online together. And we started a little late, so had two lessons to catch up on. I've done one, will do the second later today or tomorrow, and hope I catch up with vocabulary soon. Don't yet know what she's doing, as she had a real-life math class she was working on first.
Today, when I visited my mom, my favorite part-time caregiver was there. She speaks mostly Spanish and is my best practice partner. She understands much more English than I do Spanish, but is shy about speaking it. I understand perfectly, as I am very shy about attempting Spanish, expecially since I'm very shaky on conjugating the few verbs I know. But we enjoy each other, so I like seeing her there. She's also very, very kind to my mom. As are they all, but she's kind of special that way.
Today, she had two of her daughters with her, so that livened things up even more. They are bilingual, totally fluent in English, and she said they speak more English than Spanish. The oldest one is in college now, and last year, her mom was so very proud when she graduated h.s. and was showing photos all around.
So this was a very good visit, everybody all cheerful, including my mom, who kept admiring older daughter's long hair. If I were doing this just for me, I'd always visit in the daytime, when I can almost count on good cheer. Evenings are more grumpy and agitated, with lots of questions about when we'll be leaving and admonitions to "hurry up". Consequently not as pleasant, but I feel more needed in the evening when the staff is busy putting other residents to bed, so I tend to do that a little more often than the daytime visits.
Are you sorry that you asked?
Bill, By the time you get this comment you are sure to be back from the party. I hope you had a great time, both with meeting new friends and testing out your newly acquired social skills. I am with all the others in that we hope to get some details!
I also am wondering what is up with the new caregivers? Taking so much time off so early....
Also another bell was ringing for me as you said you did the wheelchair thing with the grocery cart at the same time...I am glad you survived. I had to do that once with my mother and tore my rotator cuff. I would not wish that on my worst enemy. SO be careful on that!
Hope you had a great evening!
Hi Pat
No I am not sorry I asked I love learning about what others are doing.
What are the two book groups reading? I won't ask how the investment club is doing!
I love that you and your daughter are doing Spannish together. I also think it is great to have a practice partner where your mom is because it can cut into some of the boredom while you are there. Your practice partner and her family sound absolutely adorable.
It is also super that your mom was cheerful. It is kind of sad that can't just always visit in the day time. That might make things easier for you.
Thanks for the report!
Bill
Hi Dona
Always a pleasure. I had a nice time and will report on it this morning.
We always have trouble with caregivers showing up when they say they are going to. However, it is so difficult to find good ones you have to put up with some drama.
Wow I am sorry you tore your rotator cuff when you pushed both the wheelchair and the cart. I was very careful and mom helped a little with the wheelchair. Now in the future I will be even more careful.
Bill
You asked about the book groups' selections... one group is reading "The World Before Her" by Deborah Weisgall, which follows George Eliot (female) in 1880 and a fictitious woman in 1980, both experiencing Venice for the second time and both dealing with some marital issues. The other group just finished "Fugitive Pieces" by Anne Michaels and will next read "44 Scotland Street" by Alexander McCall Smith. All good books, probably the first two not to everybody's taste. I haven't read the third, so can't comment on it, except that I often (but not always) like his books.
My Spanish practice partner is adorable, and always cheerful despite having a kind of hard life in some ways. There's another staff member there who is voting for the very first time, and is being extremely conscientious about making her decisions. We will go over all the many propositions together next week, when we've both read some more. As you can see, part of my visits with mom are social connections with staff, which makes things more pleasant.
William, William, William... you are supposed to be my example and mentor!
Sunday sounds good, but the rest of the week... sounds like one of my weeks and we all agreed we needed to not fall into this trap and we need to care for ourselves. Do you realize there wasn't a day last week you weren't caring for your mom in one way or another and out with her? I love you for that, but... could we talk about blood pressure and sugar readings? And reliable caregivers, although I understand they're very thin on the ground.
I cannot believe there are still stores that don't have either wheelchair carts or scooters. I've reached the point where one or the other has to be available or we ain't shopping there. I can't imagine navigating a chair and a cart separately -- you're a better man than I, Mr. Dahn! (Which reminds me, I need to call Palmetto Ctr and be sure they have courtesy wheelchairs for the craft show next weekend!) I never really mastered the wheelchair efficiently, but I can tell you I'm an ace at her walker with the seat and hydraulics and all!
My week you all pretty much know about. Mom's blood sugar did settle down. Took her and a neighbor to brunch Saturday AM, then out to get groceries. Today was a day not on the road and with no doctor calls. Heavenly.
Now, I'm off to hear about the party!
Hi Pat
"The World Before Her" by Deborah Weisgall. sounds really, really interesting.
Sometimes people that have the hardest lives are the ones that are always the most optimistic.
Bill
Hi Dr.
Sorry I slipped back into old ways.
But I've been have a really uneasy feeling for a while now that mom may not be here for very long.
I realize now that there wasn't a day that didn't involve mom!
The store that doesn't have the riding chair is a discount store with dirt cheap prices on groceries, called Grocery Outlet.
It is weird that they don't have a riding chair since most of their customers are senior citizens.
If you are a walker ace, you will be a wheelchair ace in no time!
Speaking of the number of days with my mom, did you count how many days that you were doing something for your mom last week?
Bill
I just remembered what I was trying to remember after the other post. It might be worth the investment for one of those small scooters that will break down and fit in the trunk of you car. You can often find them for under $1,000 .. I"ve seen them for a low as $700. The heaviest part of them is the section that holds the battery. Bill AND Lady DR... think about it.
Now, off to read about the party!
Hi Kaye
Great idea about the scooters!
I will look into it.
Bill
Bill, yup, counted the days and I had one less than you, so I'm ahead (nahnahnahnahmahya).
Seriously, I hear what you're saying. I keep telling myself we have a lot of time left, but whoever knows? It seems we have some type of slippage every week-- kind of one step forward, two back. One day at a time, my dear, one day at a time, I keep telling myself.
Hi DR
Bet you beat me this week though!
I honestly don't think I have that much time with mom, she is declining so fast.
Bill
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