In the first hour of the morning news I must have heard the phrase "no drama Obama" about ten times. Well, after yesterday the phrase in Portland is a "a lot of drama Dahn.
I am at Mom's this week until at Friday. When I visited Mom yesterday the regular caregiver was very ill. Of course my main concern is my Mom because if she catches a virus it could be fatal for her. Carolyn said she couldn't afford to go to the doctor. I can't really afford it right now but I can't really afford my Mom dying either so I told Carolyn to get dressed that I would take her to the Urgency Clinic and pay for it. At the urgency clinic we found out that Carolyn has a virus. She thought she was going to stay at Mom' and have Mom take care of her. Let's see a woman with a contagious virus is going to stay with a 92 to year-old woman with serious heart trouble who can barely walk and be taken care of by her? I don't think so. I was very blunt with Carolyn about her not staying at Mom's until she gets well. Heck she has a Mom five doors down from my Mom's place, a brother and two sisters within in a mile of Mom's house. I told her I would take to one of her relatives and when she got well she could come back to her job and mom's but there is no way in hell she would stay at Mom's while she was ill.
I waited until she made arrangements for where she was going to stay. Then took her there. Went to Mom's house and got her night stuff and makeup. Then went to the pharmacy to pickup her drugs. Back to mom to get her car and drive it to where she was staying and drop of the drugs and the keys. All told from the time I took her to the doctor and got her and all her stuff to her brother's it was six hours.
I'm not really a germaphobe but I am very germ aware. I completely cleaned out my car and sanitized it with Lysol. Then I completely cleaned Mom's house and also sanitized it with Lysol. The cleaning took a good three hours. That was my day yesterday.
The doctor said Carolyn would be down anywhere from two days to a week. The other caregiver comes Friday. That is why I am at Mom's until then.
OK, I need some support here but I also want you to be honest with me if you thought I was to harsh with the caregiver. Should I have let Carolyn stay with Mom while she was ill?
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18 comments:
Heck no! YOU were well within your rights to ask that she stay elsewhere and I think you went above and beyond in helping her go to the doctor's and retreiving her stuff. Stick to your guns! It's your's and especially your mother's health you should be taking care of first!
Nope, not too harsh. You were very generous to see to it that went to a doctor and got her medications. If she was employed at a company, they most likely would have sent her home. Keep your chin up. Your mom is your priority!
Agree with both the above. You were absolutely right to ask that she not stay with your mom. And you were very kind to help her out as much as you did.
Now the bad news. I've always heard that you are most contagious just before symptoms appear, so your mom may have been exposed already. If it's just a viral cold, there are a couple of medicines that help if you take them at the very first sign of symptoms. The prescription one is "amantidine", and it sure has worked for me. The OTC one is "Cold-Eze" (not sure of the spelling) lozenges, which I think help some. They seemed to help my mom with cold symptoms. So if your mom shows any symptoms, try to get her some amantidine right away if you can. You're supposed to take 2 a day for 10 days, but I've never taken that much... after 5 days with no new symptoms, I quit, because they are constipating.
Is that more than you wanted to know?
Hy Symply
I am sticking to my guns. I just don't want to risk mom.
Thank for the supprt!
Bill
Hi Kim
It is always nice to see your name here.
Thanks so much for the support. I was really worried that I was to harsh with her but then I was kind of stunned that she would expect mom to take care of her.
Bill
Hi Pat
The doctor did say mom was most likely already exposed to the virus but there was a chance she wasn't. That is why I lysoled everything.
Also with my mom's heart trouble and serious at that I was worried about the stress of having someone sick in mom's house.
Thanks for the medicine suggestions I've written them down and talked to mom about them.
What source you friends have turned out to be!
And no it isn't more than I wanted to know.
Bill
No question about that one, Bill. You were absolutely right! I can't believe she had the hutzpah (sp?) to think Mom should take care of her. And for this she should be paid, too??? SHEEESSSSHHH!
Good heavens, Bill, if it's not one thing, it's two.
There's no way you were out of line with the caregiver. Given your Mom's health, the woman should have contacted you the minute she realized she wasn't feeling well. You went above and beyond the call of duty to take her to Urgent Care and pay for that and get her meds and get her situated with her brother. I'm not thinking much of the lady's logic, if she thought she was gong to stay at the house and her "patient" was going to care for her. Sorry, but my patience runs a little low in these situations.
I hear you on the germs and such and don't think your actions were the least phobic. They were practical preventatives.
I guess this hits home, with Mom down with either a bug or allergies or exhaustion or some combination. They've just finished painting the hallways and are laying new carpet and there are all kinds of odors and Mom has all kinds of allergies, so I'm at a loss as to what to do and can only imagine how you feel, knowing the caregiver has a virus.
You certainly weren't out of line and I can imagine your concern. And the fact you're not caregiver for the week is one of the issues we all face -- one of the reasons we feel that freedom of action isn't an option for us at the moment. Also one of the reasons we need to take care of ourselves -- we never know at what moment we may need to "step into the breech" as you're doing.
I agree with everything you did and are doing. Germs are one of the major enemies of elderly parents with health consdierations. A shame the careagiver didn't recognize that.
Hi Mary Z
Both Mom and I thought she should have made arrangements to go somewhere else without being asked. We also thought is was a lot od hudspah (sp one of has to be right) to think mom could take care of her and be paid for it.
Bill
Hi Dr
Hope your mom is feeling better. I wonder if you can get some of those plug in deodirizers that could take away a lo of the painting and glue smells. Please keep us up to date on how your mom is doing.
I do wonder if I am going to miss all the drama when mom goes. I don't think I will.
I agree the caregiver should have called immediately. And she should have made her own arrangements to
You won't believe this but she just called is still getting dizzy and wants to come back today. She just doesn't get it and I think we are going to have to look at getting rid of her completely.
Bill
I think you did all the right things. Elderly people, depending on their constitutions and ailments, sometimes do have compromised immunity systems so really, a caregiver who's down with a virus should stay away. And I don't think you were too harsh, especially as you got her to medical care, ran errands like getting her medication and took her to where she was going to stay. I think she isn't exactly all clued up on being a caregiver to an elderly person if she wants to return to work while still ill. The best she can really do is to stay away. And the cheek to expect your mum to take care of her.
Hi Snug
It always pleases me when I see you post. Yes and when you add that mom has diabetes and serious heart trouble to her already compromised immune system it is quite a concern.
I think the is pretty clues also but more a tad on the selfish side she wants the money no matter what harm it causes.
Bill
Mom's not better. Today she's worse. Been on the phone twice with doctor and we see the PA tomorrow afternoon. Have rescheduled her Friday app't for the MD injection. Will see what we find out tomorrow and whether I need to reschedule the ortho, who's set up for next Monday, and I suspect won't happen. The concern is bronchitis moving into pneumonia, which has happened more than once in the past. Like your mom, mine has diabetes and the heart considerations, as well as the sleep apnea. The MD and lack of mobility don't help. Assisted living or home health care are looking more and more appealing at the moment.
Unfortunately, it does sound as though you need to replace the caregiver. This is the one who works five days, right? It doesn't sound to me like she knows a great deal about the issues surrounding care of an elderly patient, if she didn't recognize the need to remove herself immediately, thought "MOM" could take care of her and is now suggesting she come back, despite still being sick.
So many folks don't understand about how fragile the immune system is in the elderly, nor do they understand that we can tolerate a lot "bugs" when we're 35 or 65 that we simply cannot handle when we're 85 or 90, like our parents. An inconvenient bug for us can become a major illness for them. And where we can snap back in a week, the recovery time is a lot longer for our elders. I think Mom was especially susceptible to whatever's going on as a combination of the let down when Rhonda left and the total exhaustion of trying to keep the pace during the visit, without her usual late mornings and aftrnoon naps.
Positive vibes would be appreciated. I'll let you all know what we find out tomorrow.
Hi DR
Oh that is awful about your Mom. You have all my postive vibes, prayers and good thoughts about tomorrow. Please do let us know how she is!
Maybe this is a sign from above that your mom needs more care than you can provide and assisted living has become more of a requirement than an option.
Yes this is the one that works five days. Also her living in the house is stressful. The caregive that works two days a week may want five days and if she does we will ask the five day one to move and find another caregiver for the two days.
Your mom being exhausted would definitely make her more open to viruses.
Hugs, Dr.
The verdict, after an afternoon of waiting in various rooms, of course, is that Mom has a severe sinus infection. Not good, but better than my fear of bronchitis and her fear of pneumonia! I had no idea a sinus infection could so affect all parts of the physical system. So, we've a course of antibiotics and she should be better in a few days, according to the PA.
A piece of unsettling news was her B/P at 90/50. When I questioned it, doc admitted she'd not even noticed that (sigh). She asked how much water Mom drank. (Bearing in mind, one of my constant nags, I'm afraid, is for Mom to get more fluids) When she was told a couple classes a day, with her pills, Doc came a little unglued and really emphasized that Mom needed at last 64 ounces. She explained dehydration affected blood pressure and aside from that caused dizziness, lightedness and lack of balance. (I've only been preaching this for three years!) Then, when I picked up the prescription, pharmacist emphasized Mom was to drink a full glass of water with the pills and to drink a lot of extra water throughout the day.
So, we have a diagnosis and "fix," Mom has instructions, I've rearrange other doctor app'ts and hopefully we're on the way to being back to what we kind of consider "normal" for our situation.
As to your other comment, yes, I think this is going to cause Mom to take a closer look at other options for her living situation, whether that's some home health care or assisted living. Plus, the headlines on changes in the Part D coverage is a bit grim and the news that SC has reduced funding for their gap program for seniors is unsettling and Mom "thinks" she remembers getting some information, but she's not sure. That says I need to be monitoring her mail more often and, while I hate anything that questions her capability and independence, this is not stuff that can be ignored.
Thanks for caring.
Hi Dr
I used to get sinus infections as a teenager and they can take a ton out of you. The can effect everything even your balance. I am praying that the anitbiotics work!
Infections and dehyrdration both can cause the bp to dip low. Also in one percent of the population, which includes me, when stress hit it can cause your bp to go low. The other 99% when they get stress it causes the bp to go high but there is that one percent. So just be aware of it.
Of course I care. You are a good friend. Keep us up to date on how you mom is doing!
Bill
Ok.. I'm late in reading and posting, but I echo what everyone says, especially LadyDR. It sounds like this particular caregiver is not versed in caring for the elderly. She can bring your Mom, and you more issues than she will personal relief for you.
LadyDR... glad to see the issue with your Mom wasn't as bad as it first seemed, too.
Ok, off to read more posts :)
Hugs to all!
Hi Kaye
And hugs to you!
I'm pretty sure we are going to let this caregiver go. It may involve me staying there at some nights but this caregive is both lazy and clueless and we need to do something else. I'm going to be tied up with work a lot anyhow so where I sleep really doesn't matter for the next few months.
Bill
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