The blue reflectors along sides of the streets are called “Zot Dots” and named after a California Highway Patrolman that invented them. Every time you see one of those blue reflectors on the street you will see a fire hydrant. The reflectors are there to help the fire department find the fire hydrants.
Today is computer trivia. What company is credited with having the first successful computer with a mouse attached? Which company is credited with the first laptop? What does JPEG stand for? The next set of questions are bonus questions and aren’t trivia. What I am looking for in the following questions is punch lines not correct answers. What is an astronaut’s favorite place on the computer? What is a computer’s first sign of age? What does a baby computer call his father? What happened when the computer fell on the floor?
I seriously considered calling the post today “Justifiable Homicide,” However, I took some nice pills this morning so instead of the jugular today I am going for how a class that I took years ago relates to the comedy class I take now and how the two classes relate to an incident at a dinner out with mom, sis, brother-in-law and moi. For the time being I will ignore that it was insinuated at best that I almost killed Mom and at worst almost sent her to the hospital but because quick actions were taken I was saved from the guilt. For the time being I will ignore that had I said something similar to the relative in question it might be sometime after the year 2200 that I would be spoken to again. For the time being that I will ignore that when I apologized to mom for my apparent downfall (I always apologize, even if I don’t think I am at fault just to keep the peace) I learned she had fallen twice in the last twelve days because a relative wouldn’t listen to the struggles she had with things like rises in the pavement. Nope I am going to ignore that and talk about effective communication today.
I’ve been recalling lately a class that I took in college titled “The Art Of Communication.” It was a required class so that I could get my minor in psychology. The basic theme of the class is that we are all to anal when it comes to correct grammar. That the purpose of communication is that the person that you are talking to receives the message that you are sending. The message being received correctly is more important than how it is sent. That what happens often in communication is the message is changed in the middle of the stream by someone correcting your grammar or interrupting you. Combine that with last week’s lesson from the comedy class about agreeing with your stage partner and it made for an interesting take on that dinner out that I mentioned in the previous paragraph.
Mom was catching me up on her trip Utah. I have a relative that corrects everything everyone says and disputes everything you say. If you say blue, that person says yellow. Here are couple of examples:
Mom: “I told Ty my oranges on the bus story and he thought it was so funny that he told it to his dad..”
Said Relative: “He didn’t tell it to his dad he told it to his mother.”
Mom: “He told me he told it to his dad.”
What was the message Mom was trying to send me? She was sharing a story that she told Ty to let me know how well her and Ty related to each other. But it the middle of the stream the message was changed to something so immaterial as to who Ty passed the story on to. What could have been a fun moment between a son and a mom now became memorable only because of an argument. Instead of remembering how well Mom and Ty related I will remember how well the relative and my mom didn’t.
Later on I was sharing some of the things that I did while Mom was in Utah. I was telling Mom how fun the comedy class was and how much I learned from the scenes where you had to agree with whatever your stage partner said.
Me: “Yes, Mom. I really enjoyed the class. The thing that was so fun about that if you agreed with everything you partner said eventually the scene turned into very fun self-depreciating humor.”
Said Relative: “You mean defecating humor”
Me. “Self-depreciating.”
I was trying to share a story with Mom to let her know I had fun and learned something valuable. Instead of remembering that message I will remember being corrected and how much I really wanted to respond with the sarcastic “I don’t think I meant self-shitting humor.” What could have been a memorable moment of sharing was turned into a not so memorable biting of the tongue.
So do you have any problem relatives? Does it bother you when people correct your story or grammar and change the message you are trying to send? Am I making to much out of it?
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8 comments:
There's not a jury of caregivers in the world who wouldn't agree on justifiable homicide and set you free! Your comments do beg the question of how you almost killed or sent Mom to the hospital, given the care you take with her at all times. I gather a fall or near fall was involved. I'm glad she wasn't hurt and suspect the "attack" may have been a bit of scare combined with guilt on the relative's part, knowing Mom had fallen twice on her watch.
As to people interrupting to correct grammar or message content... irritating as sin. I hadn't thought about the fact that a third party interrupting to do either changed the message, but you're right. Soon as I read that, I could remember numerous occasions where I was relating an incident and was corrected and it changed from telling a humorous story to a choice of arguing, saying the story wasn't important or suggesting the other person tell the story, since they knew it better than I did. None of which were particularly pleasant or satisfying for anyone other than the third party (apparently, else why did they do it?)
Only time it's amusing is when Mom and Aunt D do it to each other, which then involves going back through either historical events and lining up people from sixty or seventy years ago or figuring out just who is right and why. This has been going on as long as I can remember.
You know (digging toe in dirt), I wonder if I do that on occasion? If when two people have different perceptions or memories of the same event, it's too much temptation to correct what we perceive as an error? And to what purpose? I'm going to listen very carefully to myself for a bit and see if this is happening and, if so, correct it!
I'm with DR. Homicide would have been justifiable. I never quite thought about how it changes the story when that happens, but you're absolutely right that it does.
I don't have any relatives who do that, or friends, either. Happily for me. I do have one friend who you can NOT tell a story to, because she can't stand not talking herself long enough to hear one. So long before the point of the story, she is either telling one of her own or asking completely irrelevant questions or relating the opening paragraph you've managed to get out to something else entirely.
She can hardly tell a story herself, either, because she'll dither about whether it happened Tuesday or Wednesday and somehow the actual happening gets lost. She's really a lovely person, but conversations with her can be, well, limited.
If your relative actually said "self-defecating", I would have cracked up and used your self-shitting line. S/he meant "self-deprecating", which would have been technically correct but certainly unnecessary, as "depreciating" means the same thing. That's a relative I probably wouldn't talk to very much.
I'll be interested in the punchlines that come forth. Do share any good ones as well as the "correct" ones, okay? At the moment, I'm baffled, but who knows, I may come up with one later.
Hi DR
Nope it wasn't a fall. My dad fell once in my care since that time I've super aware and super careful and not elderly in my care has fallen since.
It had to do with a phone call I made to Utah that apparantly upset my mom so much she had chest pains and they were so worried about surviving that they had to take her to the hospital. It came up in a conversation when sis was telling me how well she did in Utah except for that time "you talked to her on the phone about your work project." I was helping one of mom's friends out of a tax problem and doing in free of charge. When I told her friend was a pain in the rear she got really upset according to sis. Of course because they were they the were able to get her to lie down and give her an aspirin and mom survived my effort to kill her.
I was never told about the falls, mom told me sis didn''t, or how high mom's bp was the whole time she was in Utah mom showed me her charts and the day of the supposed murder attempt her blood pressure was lower than other days.
Since the comedy class, since the recalling for the college class, I have been more acutely aware of me often doing the correcting and have made great strides in correcting that behvaviour.
Now that I quit doing the annoying, I expect everyone else to follow suit!
Bill
Hi Pat
I think it is interesting that I reaclled the college class and the crux of it after all these years. Maybe the comedy class helped with that memory.
The relative definitely said self-defecating. No doubts about it. I can't really avoid the relative because I need her and she has a lot of good points. I know as long as she is alive I'll never be homeless or alone. I just either have to bite the bullet or challenge her one of this times and then be prepared not to be spoken too for a long time.
Your friend would annoy me! Although I think often the constant correcting and interrupting could be a sign of lack of confidence and a sign of a poor self-image.
Bill
She really said "self-defecating"?? How funny! This is not a person who should be correcting anyone!
You may be right that the constant interrupting is a sign of poor self-image or lack of confidence. This woman is also what I'd call a Type AAA. She is in constant motion, very impatient, and has every day of her life planned down to the second. In many ways, she's quite admirable, and I do like her most of the time. With a few reservations. We're none of us perfect, after all.
Hi Pat
Nope none of us our perfect except in our moms' eyes!
Sis is usually correct when she constantly corrects but she sure wasn't this time and it so damn annoying to have everything you say be corrected!
Bill
Well I agree with everyone on the Justifiable Homicide. As I read I worried too what could you have possibly done to hurt your mom and was sure too it was a fall or something to that effect. After reading your extra post on what actually happened I am sitting here laughing my toosh off.
" mom survived my effort to kill her."
"the supposed murder attempt"
Even though your post had me laughing while wondering, these two things in your comment/post let me know you have just the kind of sense of humor I like.
You just made my day.
Hi Dona
Our senses of humor is another thing we have in common! We both do a lot of tongue in cheek humor!
Thanks for the nice post!
Bill
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