Lame Jokes & Google This

The answer to yesterday’s question was Loretta Young. Today’s who am I is titled “Google This” and appears at the end of the today’s blog entry.

Since my creative spirit seems to be on vacation I am doing lame jokes today. The following are from today’s Edge Column in The Oregonian. You can always read the Oregonian at Oregonlive.com:

Did you hear that a boat carrying red paint crashed with a boat carrying blue paint? Both crews were marooned.

A policeman stopped a man who was walking along with an alligator and ordered him to take him to the zoo at once. The next day the policeman saw the same man walking along with the same alligator. “I thought I told you to take the alligator to the zoo” “I did and today I am taking him to the movies.”

Then there was the man that named his two dogs Rolex and Timex. They were watchdogs.

Two jokes from http://www.ajokeaday.com/Clasificacion.asp?ID=22:

Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom and stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately orderedher to be discharged from the hospital as he now considered her to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Mary the news he said, "Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."

Next joke:

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, this driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back -- wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem? "Ma'am," the officer replies, you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers. Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-two miles an hour! "The old woman says a bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that 22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time, "the officer asks. Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."

Now today’s question of the day:

I was born in 1916 and am still alive. I was married for over sixty years to my husband. We had three children, two boys and a girl. The eldest, my daughter is in real estate, but early in her career she was an editor of contracts for Hughes Aircraft. She just finished helping her own daughter finish a novel which an agent is currently shopping. My oldest son is an attorney although he us no longer in Oregon, he claimed fame there by being the first attorney to sue a rapist in “civil court” and win a judgment for the victim. My youngest son is also a professional and is probably the most loyal to me. My two eldest children are happily married but my youngest son has yet to meet a woman smart enough to snap him up. I’ve often said he would be the best spouse of my three children. I like to read and read many books a week. I also like to play games because like books they challenge my mind and keep me active. During my life I have been a teacher. Teaching all grades in a one room school house in South Dakota. I also worked with my husband in two of his business, a roofing company, and a hardware store. Not to mention I also helped my youngest son in his office, he often said I was the best help that he ever had. Before it became to painful for me to hold a paint brush I was a budding artist paintubg under the name Camilla, which is my middle name. While some museums wanted to display my work, I was just to embarrassed to display my art work because I just didn’t think it was good enough. I painted the following picture at age eighty and one of my sons proudly displayed it in his office. The picture is now proudly displayed in his home. I am stunned that he has been offered as much a two hundred dollars for it:





Google This! Who Am I?

Got any new jokes today? Do you like any of the above jokes? If so which one do you like best?