I have all twenty-nine questions ready to go for the contest starting at 7 AM Pacific Daylight Time on August 1, 2009 right here on my blog where anyone that has ever or will post a comment on the blog by the time the contest starts can enter. The questions will cover three in common, trivia, current events, who am I, where am I, questions about me from the blog, Jeopardy and other things. I tried to pick questions that were hard to Google so be prepared. Post a comment now on The Dahn Report and you can compete with the regular posters for a $50 and a $25 gift card!Now that I have the contest completed we can go back to daily or every other day questions. Today's questions come from an email from Kaye, meaning she can't play today. The questions are at the end of today's blog entry.
Tomorrow will mark one week of Mom being gone. She is doing amazingly well. They have taken a couple of day trips in Utah. At Mom's request they drove the fourteen hour trip in one day. She was a little stiff the day after the trip, well duh. But she recovered in one day. Now here is the surprising thing. Either Mom or Sis has called every day. I've done a great job of letting go. I've called twice and once it was a required call due to an emergency. The emergency call was the day after Mom left when I got a call from my Aunt, really my second mom. She had just spent five days in the hospital. They didn't call Mom while my aunt was hospitalized because they didn't want to worry her and they didn't know Mom had went to Utah. They called me in a panic since they couldn't get ahold of mom. My aunt's lungs filled with water, they had misdiagnosed the problem she was having a couple of months ago as bronchitis, so they had to drain her lungs and put her on an oxygen tank. When my aunt called she was home but still on the oxygen tank, and it is up in the air whether she will have to keep the oxygen tank the rest of her life. I called Mom to catch her up and tell her to call Velma. Prayers, good thoughts, and good vibes my aunt's direction would be appreciated. The other time I called was this morning. Just a catch up call.
How am I doing? I'm glad you asked. The first week has been one of baby steps, healing mentally, healing physically, and stark realizations. I didn't really realize what having the responsibility of a parent could really do to your mental and physical health. I did realize it on some level just not the depth of it. Especially mentally. After one week I am sleeping better, my stress level is down, these unrealistic but constant fears that I have had for a long time have subsided. They haven't gone away but they are on each day getting less and less. The fears have gone from such a high level to such a low level in such a short period of time that I am going to suggest that if you soon get the responsibility of an elderly parent or have just recently become responsible for an elderly parent that you seek out counseling on a weekly or monthly basis. I will admit this is a case of do as I say not as I do but do gain from my experience. I am also going to suggest that your elderly parents also seeks counseling on a weekly or monthly basis. Another case of do as I say not as I do. But again gain from my experience. Now on to the questions of the day?
Today's questions:
What can liquid inside young coconuts be used as a substitute for?
Watch your ass because this animal kills more people annually than plane crashes or shark attacks.
How old do oak trees have to be before they began producing acorns?
What was the first product to have a bar code?
In a regular deck of playing cards what is the only king not to have a moustache?
What planet is the only that rotates clockwise?
What rodent was Walt Disney afraid of?
What do pearls do if you put them in vinegar?
What reptile of the Testudines group can breath through their butts?
Kaye's answers are final. Hope this is an enjoyabe Sunday and really because I don't want to be legally liable this is a cover my arse warning, please don't try breathing through your butts.
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8 comments:
Kaye has some hard questions there.
Your reactions to your mom's brief absence are interesting. Shows how invested you were (and probably will be again). When she comes back, will you seek counseling for both of you? My own reaction is that I know perfectly well what my stressors are, and counseling would be just one more darned thing to schedule into my life. But if you do it, I'd be interested to hear about it.
Never considered trying to breathe through my butt, but now that you've brought it up... {g}
Hi Pat
I knew what my stresses were I just didn't know how far reaching the results were. Things that on the surface weren't related to caregiving actually were.
My mom would never go to counseling. I would but like you I don't have the time. What I am doing is learning self hypnosis and other techniques that I will learn when mom returns.
Bill
There are support groups and agencies for people taking care of elderly parents. They can help you get respite breaks.
Hi Connie
Both Mom and I have been to those support groups and they are great. But they aren't really as healing as counseling they are more of sharing war stories with people in the same boat as you which is healing but the anxiety level is so high with caregiving that I just in addition to the support groups counseling would help.
Bill
Tough questions from Kaye, particularly as my mind is fried from another day of full time editing.
Prayers and positive vibes being sent to Aunt Velma. I so hope all will be well.
Not surprised to hear Mom is doing well and they're enjoying day trips and the like. It's ever been the same when Mom's spent three or four weeks with Deb or a week with Lake. This, of course, means they can't understand why I think full-time caregiving presents any challenges, since Mom is happy and ready to go and do and not "sick."
Also not surprised to hear you're beginning to realize just what stress the caregiving creates and how consistent it is, now that you're sleeping better, feeling better. Yes, we recognize the stressors, but as we gradually fall into more and more of them, it begins to seem ... normal, I guess, and we don't see ways to remove or reduce them, 'cause they come on slowly, kind of insiduous.
I'm a strong believer in counseling, given the tremendous assistance I got from CJ during therapy for the panic disorder. Yet, as you and others say, when do you find time for it? And how do you find the right therapist? And, no, not a chance Mom would ever darken the door of a counselor's office! Like you, I'd encourage folks to do as you say, not as we've done. The group here is wonderful about offering support and suggestions and has been a godsend to me the last year or so. Making the time to meditate each morning and exercise every day has probably been my salvation more often than not, in general terms. Although my stint has been short-term (5 years), compared to others of you, it's had its affects and ramifications. It'll be interesting to see what happens come August 1st.
Question: Now that you've found what a difference even a week makes, will you encourage your sister to take your mother to Utah more often? I know it doesn't do any good for Sis to come to Portland, because you still end up the responsible one.
Hi Dr
They were tough questions, I loved the last one and the answer to the first one was extremely interesting.
Aunt Velma and I both appreciate your prayers and vibes,
I wonder if our Mom's are on their best behavior when they are gone but feel they can be themselvies with us. I know when mom gets back I am going to hear how my sister fixed her (from my sister not my mom). Which in a way is kind of insulting to me actually.
I think we recognize the stressers but don't really ever understand the depths of their effects until they are gone.
I remember how much CJ helped you from our Sacred Circle days.
I hope on August 1 that this will be the place to come vent, share, and tell us your progress!
I will let sis decide when to get her, they were talking about every three months at one time, which changed to every six months. What I am going to do with mom her is continue to separate myself from her and only go the days I have to stay overnight.
Bill
Of course, our moms are on their best behavior when they visit and themselves with us. They don't want to be a "bother" to anyone and they're "on vacation" and people plan things for them and they do them.
When they come home, they're tired and we're familiar and the constant and anchor in their lives and they know, from past experience, they can be themselves with us.
And I hear you on the "I fixed it," which is one of my hot buttons. Do not be insulted (hard, but try). Yes, she may fix one little thing -- or feel that she has, because Mom was out and about -- but you're dealing with a dozen different issues and each impacts the other. Plus, Mom's not going to complain to Sis and spoil the visit and maybe not be invited back. You, yeah, she can complain to and trust to either fix or at least find some way to make her feel better. It's a role reversal, I think. We could go to our moms (or dads) with issues we wouldn't talk to others about. Now, they come to us.
Hi Dr
The fix thing is definitely one of my hot buttons, it is like they think we don't have a clue about the people we see daily and they see hit and miss. And it does insult me!
But you nailed it.
Bill
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