Today's entry comes to us from guest blogger, DR. She is an editor and writer. She has authored many books including, When Someone You Love Has Cancer. She is also an important contributor to the blog and I am proud to call her my friend. I hope you will enjoy her take on the love we show our pets and the love they show us. Please enjoy the writings of a professional writer and welcome her with comments!
Who's in Charge
Lots of us here have pets or have had pets. Some of you may have seen the following or parts of it. How much of it applies (or has applied) to you and your household? How much would apply, if you had a dog or cat?
Dear Dogs and Cats:
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.
The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:
TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.
As an example, we had invited-themselves-over guests for the superbowl game. M went up to pop popcorn and came back to find Skeeter (who's 12-1/2 years old, with cancer,) curled in the corner of "his" recliner (which was really "my" recliner" and Skeeter's favorite spot, if she's not in my lap)
"What's this?" he asked.
"It's Skeeter, in HER recliner," Himself replied.
"What should I do with her? Just put her on the floor?"
(Not likely, in THIS house)
"Well, you can sit down carefully, so she can lay beside you, you can pick her up and put her on your lap or you can pick her up and put her on my lap," Himself responded.
How about in your house? Who rules the roost?
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9 comments:
Hi DR
I would have told the guest that is was the dog's chair and to sit somewhere else!
Bill
Very funny piece, DR. Can't say much of it applies to my pet experience, as I don't have stairs and the only time one of my dogs went for our food was when Trouble as a puppy climbed onto a dining chair and put his face into my daughter's birthday cake. He sure heard about that, and never tried it again.
In my house dogs were not allowed on the furniture. One good whiff of their bed and I put limits on where they slept.
Otherwise, yes, in many ways they ruled the roost. They were endlessly entertaining and good and loyal friends for many, many years.
Bill, Himself was being very nice. The only other option for M was the floor or a folding chair And he knew Skeet would be quite happy and content on his lap, even if Spook didn't approve.
Funny story about Trouble, Pat. I had a Sheltie mix, years and years ago. We had a SuperBowl party and I'd made up a tray of deviled eggs and put on the coffee table. They kept disappearing. As I was making more, I looked out and saw my little lady standing at the edge of the coffee table, very carefully extending her long,narrow tongue to slide under a half egg and devour it. A stern talking to was all it took to discourage that course of action!
Our dogs have free run of the house and the furniture and the bed these days (although it took Himself a while to get there). Spook is a breed that's naturally clean and cleans up and has no doggy odor. Skeet is bathed and clipped regularly, to prevent such. Spook's a little oversized for a "lap dog" but doesn't realize that and can make herself pretty small, when need be (g).
What about the rest of you? Dona, I know you recently lost your furry "kid" and hope this isn't painful and that you have some fun memories you can share. And I know how Bill loved his kitty. We really haven't talked about pets much here.
Hello DR, I love this post! I love dogs. And I couldn't have said what you said better. To me it rings true to home. Our pets we have always had, have ruled the roost. It wasn't painful at all to read this as even though we are still at a loss it was all too funny even if it is true.
Our last dog Elvis was also a Sheltie mix, and larger than a lap dog to say the least. My dad would always say that someday Elvis would be surprised when he awoke to find out he was a dog.
Needless to say my dad isn't an animal lover by any means and thought my dogs were treated as if they were my kids.
Thats ok, they were.
I have not had a dog that smelled bad either. Elvis was the cleanest dog we had always grooming himself, but I kept my dogs bathed and groomed, & am happy to also say that most people/family who frequented my home would comment on how my home never smelt of dogs/animals...which is nice as I have been in homes that aren't so lucky. So I think I did ok in that area too.
We did have one dog we called "Hooch" She was a boxer/doberman mix and quite large. She was fast and kept on the go. She was about 150 lbs. At the early age of 3 she found herself in the mommy way. We were a bit worried about her as she wasn't eating much and we expected her to eat more during this time. One day after fixing a whole chicken for dinner I placed it on the kitchen counter towards the farthest back of the counter I might add and went to the door to call in the Shankster. About 1 minute or less I turned around and couldn't find the chicken.....but found Hooch licking her chops, and I think she had a huge smile on her face......
After telling this to the Vet he said, you might need to stock up on chicken until she had the pups. He was right. She ate almost a full chicken each day til then and went back on her regular eating habits after. Guess when you have a craving, you have a craving.
Dona, I wish I could take credit for the bulk of the post, but it's floating around the net for some time and it just seemed a good topic for discussion. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I hear you on the dogs and house "smell." When we sold all three of our homes, I made it a point to not have the dogs around as a distraction. I had three real estate agents tell me they never would have known we had dogs, until they came to do the closing papers and there they were (g).
Great story about Hooch! Hey, pregnant females have their priorities! I remember when we still had PC, the cat, and two dogs. I'd glazed a ham and put it on the counter in a corning ware dish, then Himself and I had to go somewhere for a short period. Like you, the casserole was on the back of the counter. We came home to find the casserole dish in pieces all over the floor and three very satisfied looking critters lounging in the family room. Apparently, PC got up on the counter (although he knew doing such and getting caught was more than his life was worth) and was charitable enough to share his findings. Thank goodness, all anyone ate was the ham and the corning ware was in big chunks, so no one got cut.
Hi DR
I just wanted to thank you for being the blogger for a day! It sure helped me big time!
I loved the posts and the comments!!
Bill
Hi Pat
Love the name trouble and the story of the cake!
Bill
Hi Dona
It is always a pleasure to see you post here!
Pets are supposed to be treated like kids!!
Love the story about Hooch!
Bill
Bill, it was fun to have a discussion item to offer. Thanks for letting me post.
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