Before discussing settling just some other information first. Here is a link to Kaye's Mother's obituary:
http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/statesman/obituary.aspx?n=lillian-iden-hutchison&pid=139304304
Wow, what a surprising background. It always amazes me what a varied group that have done so much in her lifetime that post here. Forensic handwriting expert among other things. Kaye obviously came from good stock.
How is work going? I am glad you asked. Wednesday was my first day back into the work force. I am working Monday through Thursdays. It may expand to six days a week later in tax season but right now it is four days a week. I was really surprised at how much I remembered from last year. I wasn't as nervous as last year. Of course a lot of the first day was spent recalling the procedures and getting familiar with their equipment. The second day was actually good hard work. The people there are really nice. They have several new staff members. The new folks seem more professional than some of the ones they had last year. I am looking forward to a much easier tax season than last year. Definitely there won't be fights be between two female employees, with me stuck in the middle, like happened last year. I was also very touched when I looked up at the chalkboard above my desk and there was some notations from last year that I hadn't noticed before. "Come Back!" was one of them. All in all a good first couple of days at work! Next week the production starts!!
Now about settling. In an article a woman suthor advises other single women to "settle." Here are the first couple of paragraphs:
"Just in time for Valentine's Day, the world has found its anti-Cupid. Her name is Lori Gottlieb, and she's a pretty, 42-year-old single mom who will be on the Today Show tomorrow. So why is the blogosphere calling for her head!?
She just wrote a book called "Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough," advising you to, among other things, give the online date with bad breath a second chance, and not ix-nay a guy over his unfortunate taste in denim."
You can read the entire article here:
http://www.lemondrop.com/2010/02/03/marry-him-lori-gottlieb-should-you-settle?icid=main|htmlws-main-n|dl7|link6|http%3A%2F%2Fwww.lemondrop.com%2F2010%2F02%2F03%2Fmarry-him-lori-gottlieb-should-you-settle
That kind of advise just stuns me. Doesn't that just play into the notation that "I don't deserve better" and doesn't that promote poor self-image? Sure there are a lot of women and men that do have such high expectations of the opposite sex that no man or woman could satisfy their definition of Mr. or Mrs. Right. However, that is different than settling.
Your comments are always appreciated! Of course you are welcome to post on anything written today or any day on the blog!
About Me
- William J.
- First, I think the birth sign is wrong. 6-21, some papers say Gemini, some Cancer. Guess that means I have so many personalities that I can do group therapy alone. For those that don't know how to read Google profiles I have put what I really mean in ( ). Hot (Good looking enough to be in movies(if I buy at ticket). A body like a God (Buddha). Romantic (Thinks begging is foreplay.) Physically fit (Heart trouble. Put 911 on speed dial before we get initmate.) Good Provider (has good life insurance in case you forget to put 911 on speed dial.) Loyal (has reference letters from Mom and parole officer.) Intelligent (scored 1600 on his SATS but you have to total the scores of the four times that I took the test.) Looking for someone compatible (Be between 30 & 99 and not inflatable.)
10 comments:
In the article about the book, toward the end, the writer says, "I don't think either one of us thinks we've settled. It's more that we grew up. And I think all Gottlieb's urging you to do is use your perch on the bar to scan the room for nice guys you might otherwise overlook -- because you might find they grow on you when the time comes not to settle, but to settle down."
That makes sense to me. I don't like the phrase "to settle", because that implies desperation, and I certainly don't think you should marry someone who's just probably "good enough". I think you really need chemistry for a marriage to succeed. But to widen your horizon of "possibles" to include people who might not be your ideal at first sight is good advice. IMO.
Oh, PS: Got caught up in the book business there and didn't comment on Kaye's mom. Wow! What a background. She sounds like an amazing woman, and I'm sure she'll be very much missed.
Bill, thanks for posting the obit for Kaye's mom. She sounds like quite a lady and how interesting, her interest and career in forensics. Kaye, more hugs.
Glad to hear work is looking good and you're more comfortable this year. Nice, the notice on the board!
As to the article... I think "settling" is a bad word choice, quite frankly. Realistic might be better? I can't remember where the quote came from, but it was something about the best dancers don't necessarily make the best husbands (which hit me, because of my love of dancing). And I think there's validity in the idea that as we grow older, our priorities may change and that's a good thing.
I'm thankful God prevented me from marrying in my twenties, when my priroities were pretty nebulous. In looking back on my late teens and twenties, better the short preiods of heartbreak than a lifetime of misery. Granted, my first husband was a dancing fool, which was great, but he also shared 'my priorities. My second (current) husband, hates to dance, hates country music (mostly), etc. But we share priorities. Did I "settle" for someone who didn't share my interest in dancing and country music? No. I found a man who shared my basic priorities and who was willing to let me pursue my interests, while he pursued his and to enjoy the interests we shared together.
Maybe it's a simple matter of semantics. I think I've shared the fact that when my friend wanted me to join her and Dr. L for lunch, I said no, because of bad experiences with PhD "types." It's so easy to form images and sterotypes, at almost any age. So, I'm thinking, yeah, give the guy or gal who doesn't appear to be your ideal a chance to show what he/she has going for him/her, before you hold up your plastic ideal and decide it's not a match. Sometimes, our ideas of "perfection" have a few flaws.
Hi Pat
I agree with you all the way. Settling was a terrible choice of words.
I like your take on what her advise is and I also think it is great advise. Give people a second chance and open your arms to more choice. That isn't settling that is expanding the search.
Bill
That makes sense to me. I don't like the phrase "to settle", because that implies desperation, and I certainly don't think you should marry someone who's just probably "good enough". I think you really need chemistry for a marriage to succeed. But to widen your horizon of "possibles" to include people who might not be your ideal at first sight is good advice. IMO.
Hi Pat
Kaye's Mom's background was definitely impressive and I know Kaye is proud of her. She spent a lot of time with her and helping her the past few years.
Bill
Hi DR
Kaye's mom's whole background surprised me.
I was really surprised they asked me to come back because I didn't think I did that well last year. But I was the only temp they did ask back. This year I am going to produce a lot more than last year and because I get paid on production instead of by the hour I should make a lot more this year.
As both you and Pat pointed out settling was a terrible choice of words. And priorities due change sometimes every day as we get older. And I do think the most important thing to have in common is values and what is important.
And looking for perfection in a member of the opposite sex is really a dead end. That is why I am just looking for breathing.
Bill
Thanks Bill for posting Kaye's mother's obit. It sounded like a very interesting career and life. More prayers coming Kaye's way.
Bill, Glad to hear you aren't so nervous this year and glad all is well with the workload so far.
Hi Dona
You are welcome re Kaye. I imagine after the memorial today she will kickback for a day or two and then maybe stop by for a quick post.
Work just seems more organized this year and I did make it through the first day without falling and having a concussion!
Bill
Thanks for posting the obit, Bill. Interesting in that I was living in Bellaire, TX, at the same time. My folks moved there right after WW2, and my mother left in 1972.
Maybe Kaye and I had some mutual friends. I graduated from Lamar HS in 1953 and went to Rice. John and I married in 1956, and we moved to TN in 1962.
Small world!
Hi Mary Z
It is indeed a small world! I am passing on all comments to Kaye maybe you and her do know some same family members.
Bill
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