A big thank you to all that responded to the question of how to improve my blog. All your comments were appreciated. The general consensus is I should keep doing what I am doing and that I should write about what is on my mind at the time. Also that I should be myself. The problem is sometimes I don't know who myself is. I also agreed with Mary that I should show more of my humorous side. I've been thinking about my type of humor and why I haven't been able to show more of it on the blog. I've come to the conclusion that my kind of humor is reactionary humor not creative humor. I have a unique ability to see the humorous side in what people say and do. I also have the ability to make fun of the crazy things that I do and say. In the line at the grocery store I can make the whole line laugh by saying something in response to what the checker said or by making fun of what I am buying. However, to stare at a blank piece of paper and create something humorous is really difficult for me. It gives me an area of my personality to work on. I love that.
Here is some updates on what is going on in my life:
Mom. She seems to be losing a lot of her physical strength. Her mind is still sharp but she is having a lot of trouble walking. This worries my greatly. The place that she is in isn't the great place we all thought it would be. It is very poorly managed and they don't have the healthy menu that they promised us before we moved in. The number of activities they have is limited because they aren't that full. Mom is planning on going home in Septemeber if we can find the help. I'm still having trouble separating from her. I go out there to often. Not daily but often enough that it is to often. I feel such an obligation to help her that is hard to not do things for her. Because she is often emotionally down when I visit her and then emotionally up while I'm there I feel like I'm hurting her by avoiding visits there. I really do have to place a higher priority on my own life.
My Uncle. Not all the results of the tests are in but it appears that they were able to give him the right medication to stop the big stroke after the little strokes so that he didn't lose any movement on either side of his body. This is really good news. There is still a little danger until all the test results are in. However, we are hopeful. Thank you all for your good thoughts and prayers.
My book. You all have read the opening. I have a good start and a very chilling ending. The last four chapters are some of the best writing that I've done and has a very creative ending. Not an expected one that is for sure. It is the middle that I am having trouble with. It seems like the middle of the book is boring. It is mostly story and character development. I need to learn more about how to write the middle of the book. I have about 12 of 40 chapters done. Forty seems like a lot but not really because some of the chapters aren't that long. When I read I found out that I like books that have short chapters because that gives natural breaks for me if I have to stop reading to do something.
My goal list. I'm stuck at 200. I can't seem to break that number. I want to get to 185 and I know I will get there but it is taking longer than expected.
The visit. Tomorrow.
The end of the visit. Sunday.
Hope this is a great day for all of you.
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8 comments:
First, good news about your uncle! I hope the results continue to be good.
Second, reactive humor. I've never thought of it that way, but there are certainly those divisions. I worked with a guy who was just *great* at reactive humor, but now that I think on't, that was the only kind he practiced. Hey, one real talent is more than most of us have.
Third, Mom. Sorry the place isn't quite as promised. These places do wax and wane according to how many residents they have. My mom's place used to have PT people and mental exercise/crafts people coming in regularly. But right now they have more sick residents and fewer in total, so the outside groups aren't coming any more. The food is still good, though, and the staff people still very nice and caring. I imagine the food in most places, especially the big ones, varies according to budget and number of residents.
As to trying to separate your life from hers, all I can say is lotsa luck.
Still waiting eagerly for the book.
Have fun on the fourth of July!......Will there be fireworks? ;)
Hi Pat
I never truly thouht of the divisions of humor either until Mary made a comment that got me to thinking about it.
I think the food has gotten worse because of the prices going up. Multiply how much more it is costing us individually and multiply by the number of residents in the facility and it is mind boggling how much more it is costing them.
I am making progress in separating my life from mom but no where near where I wanted to be.
How are things going with your Mom?
LISA!!!!
So good to hear from you. Been worried about you.
There will be definitely not be fireworks during this visit. During the phone calls before the visit and the reminders of what it was like before I know this isn't the one and I am just to much of a gentleman to create fireworks with someone that I don't think I will have a long term relationship with.
Bill
I'm also sorry to hear the place for your Mom isn't what you were expecting. My brother, sister and I are doing what we can to keep our Mom in her own home as long as possible. She'll be 87 next Monday. It seems all the body parts are giving up except for her heart. We have an excellent care taker that is with her 8-9 hours a day and one of us goes out on Monday and Friday nites. I'm also there all day Sunday so the caretaker has day off. This is still alot even splitting the visits with siblings. So.. I assume your siblings live elsewhere and aren't able to do that?
And I'm glad to hear about the good news on your Uncle. Those first hours are so important when one has had even a small stroke.
Good luck on the book. I have a sister in law who writes, too. She says her charcters always change the initial story line and get into such interesting situations!
Good luck this weekend. Remember, peanut butter is good protein!
Hi Kaye
I really respect you for how you and your family are taking care of you mom. Please give your mom my birthday wishes on Monday.
My brother is on Wyoming and it just isn't possible for him to help either emotionally or physically. My sister is in Utah and visits every two months or so to help out. I'm the only one here so ther burned is really mine.
Pat that posts here also is taking care of her mom. Even when a parent is in an assited living center there is tons that the family has to do to watch out for them.
Way back before you came to the blog I posted the introduction and first chapter of the book on the blog. I will see if I can find the links and email them to you.
Due to stomach problems she can't eat peanut butter. See where this is going?
Good news on the uncle.
I'm sorry to hear about your mom losing physical strength and the situation at the facility. As you know, you've got my empathy. Mom is failing, I think. She's finally admitted she thinks she has depression (doesn't want to do anything and now has frequent crying jags, along with other symptoms) and her vision seems more blurred and she's scared to death she's losing her eyesight. Joanna (the PT who seems to be more caring AND more knowledgeable than the darned docs), encouraged her to talk to the doc about the depression and to insist on an MRI of her head and, based on some reactions and comments, called a halt to physical exercise until she can reseearch the pressure in the head, which everyone else has blown off, but J is quite concerned about. She did say Mom's got problems with propioception and my own research connects that to neuropathy from the diabetes.
Which leads me to also understanding what you're saying about trying to separate from your mom and how difficult that is. I have friends telling me to take time for me and to not "obsess" about Mom, but how do you do that? Like you, I'm sole caretaker, due to geographic situations. Mom doesn't drive, uses the walker even in the apt, fears falling, her eyesight is failing, now we have definite signs of depression. She lives in a senior apt building with no activities. While she's sharp as a tack, she's very hesitant to be at all agrssive with medical folks. So... how do you separate? How do you not take her to doctors and PT and tests? How do you not take her grocery shopping and to Walmart and on periodic outings? How do you not call every noon to be sure all is well? How do you say "no," if she needs/wants to do some sort of shopping or outing? She so rarely asks and is so grateful for whatever I do. When you've taken care of someone for several years, how do you turn that off? I know Pat deals with the same issues, even though her mom is in assisted living. It's easy for other people to say and easy for us to sometimes recognize we need time for ourselves, but how do you implement that, if there are no other family members and limited resources for any sort of home health care? You've been dealing with this for years and I've admired you from the get-go for your care of your parents, even before I was in a similar situation.
As to your book -- sagging middles are the bane of writers. However, you say yours is character and plot development and this is a Good Thing! It's often a key ingredient that doesn't happen in books. Any chance you can "jazz" it up a bit by using more dialogue to show the character development. If you want to bounce ideas, send me an email. This is the kind of thing I love "playing" with (a deliverance from the Bob Project, too) and God knows I owe you! From what I know of your book, I rather suspect you may be over-critical of the middle and you may need just a couple hints to get it where you want it.
DR
Sorry to hear your Mom is failing so many of us are dealing with the same situtation. Pat, Bev, You, new poster and old friend Kaye, Snugpug from Singapore, Dona are all dealing with elderly parents.
It is a big step for your mom to admit she has depression. Now you can work with her to improve it.
The blurred vision could be diabetes, have they checked for that? Or caterracts. I made the diabetes comment before finishing reading the paragraph. It could be
neuropathy. Do let us know what the tests results are.
When you are the sole caretaker it is impossible not to obsess. The friends that suggest that have your interests at heart but have never been in the same situation.
Just like me you are in a situation where if you don't do the grocery shopping for a parent they starve. If you don't take them to the doctors' appointments they don't get the help or ask the questions they need answers to.
My heart really goes out to you DR.
A lot of the middle of my book is dialogue. Thank you so much for the offer of help, you are such a nice friend. But you are a professional editor and that is how you make your money. I wouldn't ask for your help unless you would let me pay you.
Bill
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