I made the comment that generally throughout my life that women inspired me and men disappointed me. Sure there were some exceptions to that rule, my dad, the dean of men in high school who trusted me completely without any strings attached, and the doctor that stood faithfully beside me during the eight year recovery. However, generally there never has been a truer statement about my life.
Here is part of a message Lady Dr posted in response to my claim:
Interesting, your comment that, generally,women have inspired and men disappointed. With a couple of exceptions, I've found just the opposite. Men have inspired and even "pushed" me to test and try and explore, while women have often discouraged or explained (sometimes at length) why it "couldn't be."As I say, there have been exceptions, CJ certainly being one and some of the S16 group, but by and large it's been men who've provided me motivation and support. I don't think this is the place to get into that -- you have plenty of response! -- but it might be an interesting issue to explore in the future, do you think? I mean, are you and I "strange" or have others found the same to be true. Not that we can have a balanced discussion, since we don't seem to have other guys here... and that raises another interesting question of "how come?" You can't be the only intelligent, sensitive man on the earth who's capable of communication, can you? Then again...
OK two questions everyone. When you look at your life, then and now, who inspires you the most men or women? Why don't you think there are more men posting on this blog?
I'm looking forward to your answers.
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Well Bill, such is another interesting post. I have to say that other than my mother, most in my life to inspire me have been men, also. And I have to agree with Ladydr in that I have had the men push me into doing/trying new paths where, most of my women friends would have never given me any motivation or support whatsoever.
And then to your next question on why there aren't more men here posting on your blog?.....
Easy, that's because most men are just plain stupid. :)
I can't say that I've been inspired/pushed by much of anyone, with one exception. Oh, wait, two. My husband got me into the film biz when there was no reason to think I could succeed there, so I give him credit for having faith in me. When I worked in medical research, the two docs I worked for gave me lots of interesting stuff to do that was really above my pay grade (to quote Barack Obama). So I guess I'd have to say that men were the most "inspiring" in my life. Otherwise, most of the chances I've taken that panned out were my own doing.
I think that if more men knew about your blog, they'd chime in. Have you told your men friends about it? Be sure to tell them your women friends welcome their input (you see, I have faith that men friends of yours wouldn't be divebombers.)
Hi dona
Both yours and DR's comments make me wonder if women might just be more honest than men. Men may think what you are doing is a bad thing and not tell you to avoid hurt feelings, where is women will tell what you are doing might not work.
And I agree many men are just plain stupid. lol.
Hi Pat
I can't really say I am surprised that you haven't been pushed by much of anyone because you are both so confident and independent.
It is interesting that you are the third one that has chimed in, counting DR, with men being supportive.
It also doesn't surprise that you accept responsibility for your own failures. We are twins there.
Most of my men friends aren't blog types. Ted is to busy. Mark is a right winger that would have a heart attack at some of the things that I type. The guys that bought my business stopped by a couple of times but it wasn't their cup of tea. Maybe I will let a new but not real close friend Jack about the blog. He is genius intelligent, very liberal, and a tad weird. He might fit in.
Bill
I can't say that any one person has inspired or motivated me. But in terms of people supporting me, well, they're almost all women. I think this sharing and caring thing isn't something that most guys would do. I find that men just aren't as forthright when it comes to talking about emotions and inner feelings. And the guys I know who do blog, most only rant about politics and a bad day at work. It's not indicative I know, but I think it does point to the fact that guys just won't use blogs to nurture, but as a soapbox. Must be a guy thing, I suspect.
AS for as inspiration, I would say it's a tossup, with maybe more men being an inspiration than women. But both, at various times in my life have inspired me, challenged me, and got me to go out of my own comfort zone.
As for why more men aren't posting here, I think you said it yourself when you wrote about your friends and how they would react. I think women are more into introspection than men, with obvious exceptions. I think you will find that by and large, there are differences in the kinds of blogs that men write vs. the kinds that women write.
Of course, it could just be lack of exposure. You need to visit blogs and comment on blogs to get people curious about you and to come and check you out. "If you build it, they will come," doesn't always work in a world where a million new blogs are started every day (a statistic I read once!)
Hi Snug
I've also found women to be the most supporting of me. Maybe that is just a product of having more women friends than I do men friends. But my women clients were always there wanting to know what is going on with me, what I am doing and how life is doing. A while back I posted about having breakfast with my friend Ted and later in the morning his wife came. Ted didn't even notice the changes I had made, S. immediately notice talked on about how I did it and was a tremendous amount of support for me to continue my path.
Men aren't always as forthright talking about emotions that is why I have always had a hard time fiting in. I've always talked about my emotions. A product of being raised by strong women.
Thanks for your input!
Hi Bev
Knowing you it doesn't suprise me that both men and women inspired you. You are just one of those lucky people that both sexes relate to and respect. You have been a big part of me doing this blog. I'm curious, have you ever failed when you went out of your comfort zone?
Truthfully, I am not disappointed that it is only women posting here, quite the contrary, I am quite flattered by it. DR was just kind of curious why men aren't posting here so I thought it was an interesting enough question to explore.
I'm also not unhappy with my blog traffic and most of the blogs I do go to are women blogs. So maybe I should branch out to men blogs.
Thanks, Bev.
To expand a bit on my earlier comment about men being more inspiring. My dad was always my biggest supporter and "pusher," telling me I could do anything and making sure I could use a screw driver as well as a sewing machine, for example.
I think another issue at play was the fact that I spent much of my working life in situations that involved either close wroking relations with male coworkers or positions that were predominently male by tradition. Granted, in one or two cases it was "negative motivation," as in being hired because they needed a female in the count and then proving I could do as well as the guys. Mostly, tho, it was male co-workers and friends you simply said, "You can do it," when I hesitated. In retrospect, a lot of my female friends and acquaintances were "traditional," not risk takers or willing to get outside the box, which likely made it difficult for them to encourage me to do so.
I suppose the biggest case of getting out of my comfort zone through male support was agreeing to work with my boss on doing the "program" for the regional Golden Gloves (amateur boxing) org, which led to being on the regional board of directors, which led to becoming a knock-down judge at ringside, which led to "working" the ring at the nationals in Miami one year and being invited to go to Moscow (they cancelled the bouts). In the working world, it was a man who convinced me I could handle space planning for the State of Alaska, but a very brusque but caring woman who convinced me I could handle the EEO mgt analyst position and argue with the legislature. There have been two or three supportive women in my life, in terms of stepping out of the box (a lot more in terms of nurturing in other areas), but in terms of pushing the envelope, especially in business, it's been men who said "You can" and women who've said, "Never happen.
As to guys coming in... I think part of it is exposure. I also wonder if part of it is that they come in, see all these women and are hesitant to put in their two cents worth, maybe rock the boat, maybe get negative feedback.
To any guys reading this -- some of the women here I've "known" for years, some only recently, but we're a pretty easy group and pretty good at discussion and we welcome diverse opinions, so long as everyone plays nice in disagreeing (Uh, Bill, am I allowed to post something like that? It IS your blog.)
When I think about people who have inspired me, besides my parents, I think of two, both women. One was one of my first bosses, who really pushed me out of my comfort zone and taught me a lot. One was an administrator at my college. I was lucky to go to a college with strong women everywhere. Of course, the worst boss I ever had was a woman too. Can't win 'em all.
I can't think of anyone, male or female, who has ever told me something couldn't be done, or I couldn't do something. Or maybe I've just ignored them.
I think men aren't posting here because they're too busy watching TV. Oops, that was my outside the head voice. Sorry.
Hi DR
First, you can post anything you want any time anywhere on the blog. We have no rules here, we don't need no stinking rules.
My dad and mom were both always supportive me.
What I find interesting is I have spent most of my time working with women, usually men bosses with a few exceptions but co-workers were always women. Then when I started my c.p.a. practice my clients were married couple or women, probably one or two per cent of the practice were men. I didn't solicit just women it just seemed that when women found someone that treated them with respect and was willing to talk with them instead of down to them they became an amazing referral source.
Maybe that is why we have had different experiences, or associations have been mainly with the sex that has inspired us.
Here I am learning something new about you again. I never knew about the Golden Glove history and that just fascinates me. A knockdown judge? You judged whether it was a knockdown or a fall?
Bill
Hi Mary
Don't be sorry about the TV remark it very well be true. Heck dona said men are stupid and I agreed with her! lol.
I've had women bosses before but they were usually really good to me. They had it tough because at the time I started in the working world women did want women bosses and neither did men. So they had to work harder to be sucessful.
I've had people all my life tell me I couldn't do things I've shown they were wrong every time. Mostly men except for one high school woman teacher that said I'd never make it in college. I was an honor student. I thought about sending her a copy of my report card with the note, take that bit.. However, I didn't.
Bill
Hello again, Bill
Yes, another intriguing post. I was more reluctant to add a post as my supporters were never my parents. I know it was more about what generation they were from and when I was born, but I was raised to be a wife, mother, cook, maid.. all that stay at home stuff. Women with jobs let alone careers weren't "in" yet. My 1st supporter was my 1st boss when I was 16. He was a great mentor, even though I was only tending the cash register. He taught me what iniative is, and how it can work in your favor. Since I was too shy to date (and I wasn't allowed to date until I could cook a full dinner from scratch for our family of five), becoming a wife wasn't happening, and I knew that wasn't what I wanted, even tho I didn't know what I did want.
I've never really thought about it before, but looking back, most of my true supporters were men, and usually bosses. Similar to Dona, most my female friends are not supportive, they only seem to be jealous of what I can do and that encouraging me to do more doesn't happen.
I've also wondered why more men don't post to the blog. I think Snugpug has it right.. mostly men blog about other "stuff".
Now, don't get me into the stupid men convo.... I could write a book! lol (just kidding, guys!)
Hi Kaye
I think my parents might have been a little like your parents with my sister. It was back when women were raised to marry. Eventually my parents became really supportive of her in her career, but she was married then lol
I think it is interesting that yours and dona's experiences are so close.
So when is the book coming out?
Bill
When's the book coming out? Geeze... I keep having to add new chapters. This may take awhile!
Hi Kaye
You could do a first edition, second edition, ninety-seventh edition.
Bill
Oops! When I said Men are Stupid....did I say that outloud? :)
I have more to say on the inspiration subject. I too have worked mostly with men...not by choice just the types of jobs, and I have to say even though I am a woman, I would rather work with 100 men any time over working with any 2 women. They can be very nasty in the workplace...or so I have found in my lifetime. Which brings me to the inspiration part....I found that the women would be just as Kaye r says, jealous of what you could accomplish and therefore would never give you encouragement.
Hi Dona
It is ok that you said it out loud with few exceptions I agree with you. lol
Women are very competitive but I think that will change over time. Ours is really the first generation where there is as many women as men in the work force. Also so many women playing sports and learning teamwork will help to change it.
You and Kaye may be related in another life. Gosh you two think so much a like.
And I think I would rather work with women unless it was a very large employer and the department was large. Like 50 women and a couple of men, I'd gravitate to the man.
The women here sure have been encouraging to me.
Bill
Hey Bill! My female friends are supportive and nurturing.They inspire me on a daily basis....My male friends inpire me in other ways...But I can't write about that here on your blog! LOL!
Hi Lisa
Wish I would have known about your inspiriation from men in oh, say January.
Bill
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