The latest news on sis is that they will be here next week. They will be here Tuesday or Wednesday. The appraisal on the house they bought came back at fifteen grand more than they paid for it. Next Monday, except as a fill-in, will be the last time that I will be spending nights at Mom's. While I am overall positive about sis being here I am having confusing emotions about giving up control and separating from Mom. I know from watching DR's experience at distance I am in for an adjustment period. I do know I am really happy that I am going to have a support system in place. Before if I got ill I still had to go to Mom's and in some ways maybe that risked her getting something but there was no choice. Plus if I have medical procedure, like a colonscopy, I have someone to take me to and from the doctor. I haven't had some tests that are probably a good idea to have because there wasn't really anybody here to help. I am treasuring that kind of support. Now if I can just get my head into giving up control. Because I went through the experience of giving up control just a year or two ago when I sold my practice and then went to work for the buyers I am optimistic that I can handle it. Then maybe not, since clients still call me instead of them. Yo-Yo time.
Dona is partial to dog stories so today's charming story is for her:
http://www.usatoday.com/life/lifestyle/pets/2009-11-10-prison-puppies_N.htm
For today I am seeking your advise. Have you ever been in a situation be it a work matter or a family matter where you had been the big cheese for several years and then had to give up control? Any advise for me on how I can best let go of taking care of Mom? Even if you haven't been in those situations just because you haven't played the game doesn't mean you can't coach the game, so share with my any advise that you think I would find helpful.
TODAY'S WHO AM I?
Yesterday's answer: Besides being the most decorated vet of World War II he was also in forty-four movies, the late great Audie Murphy.
TODAY'S WHO AM 1?
I was born in 1927 and died in 2002. My parents were second generation Japanese Americans or Nisei. Father was a civil engineer snf mother was a homemaker. My junior year in high school I won my first election to become student body president. My election to the position came with great challenges. I developed approaches to confront these challenges and drew on these experiences when later serving in Congress. The month before the high school election, Honolulu was attacked by Japan. As a consequence, most of the student body was uncomfortable with anything that was Japanese-oriented. I also had to cope with being the only female who had ever showed ambition for student office in the school's history. I went to college at the University of Nebraska. The university had a long-standing racial segregation policy whereby students of color were forced to live in different dormitories than the white students. This annoyed me and I organized a coalition of students, parents, administrators, employees, alumni, sponsoring businesses and corporations. The coalition successfully lobbied to end the university's segregation policies. After my successful war against segregation at the University of Nebraska, I moved home to prepare for medical school. I received bachelor's degrees in zoology and chemistry. However in 1948, none of the twenty medical schools to which I applied would accept women. I decided the best way to force medical schools to accept women would be through the judicial process and decided to go to law school. I obtained my juris doctor degree in 1951. While at law school I met my husband and lifelong partner. We had a daughter who later became a prominent author and educator on labor and women's issues. 1965 I was the first female minority to join the ranks of Congress. I served six consecutive terms. During the 1972 Presidential race, I ran for president in the Oregon primary as an anti-Vietnam War candidate. I took what I learned in high school and built some of the most influential coalitions in Congress. My most important coalition was one to support the Title IX Amendment of the Higher Education Act. Among other bills I authored the Women's Educational Equity Act. When I lost an election to become a senator the peanut man from Georgia appointed me to his cabinet. I died in of viral pneumonia, at age 74. On November 5, 2002, I was posthumously re-elected to Congress. Who Am I?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
What a great story about the "prison pups"! Good for all concerned.
I'm afraid I have no advice for you. I'd absolutely love it if somebody else took over control of my mom's situation. I could let go in an eyeblink if I had the chance. I know I'd keep an eye on everything that was going on for a while, until I was confident that nothing was being neglected. I'm sure you'll be the same. Since you're right there, that shouldn't be a problem. Don't worry over an adjustment that may go quite naturally. Just be glad it's not going to be on only your shoulders any more.
Bill, what a wonderful story about the Prison Pups.
As to control issues... I hope the transition goes smoothly and that shared control develops. You do have the advantage of being right there, being able to see Mom and to share responsibility. I doubt you'll be giving up total control, as I did. Rather, I hope you'll be sharing responsibilities and decisions. I know there were times I'd have given anything for a guilt free weekend off or a couple days mid-week and times when I'd have liked someone else to provide some input, but they couldn't, becaue they'd not physically seen Mom, nor had they been in on all the doctor visits.
There are so many things you've wanted to do and not been able to do. Now's the time to be thinking about those, prioritizing them. Trust me, you're not going to have as much "time to fill" as you may think. (wry s) Even with Mom across the country, I find there are still phone calls and emails about issues and research or information they feel I can resolve.
Please make time to take care of Bill. I haven't been as good about that as I could have been, instead trying to catch up on years of not doing various "should" things in a period of months. I'm now learning to slow down and take care of me and pick away at the other stuff.
Yes, it's an adjustment. I suspect one of the best things you can do for all of you is to sit down by yourself and take an objective look at where it's in Mom's best interest for you retain some semblance of control and where you are best suited and informed to make suggestions, recommendations, maybe even some decisions. (The tough part is being objective!) If you can do that, you can relax and enjoy your free time and share responsibility. You and Sis and Mom aren't always going to agree. Pick your battles, decide which hill(s) you're willing to die for and, as much as possible, let Mom have the final word, even if it means having to get around Sis.
It's all about change and change is traumatic for all of us, some more than others. Expect the best and if, occasionally, that doesn't happen, make the best of it. And know I'm open to hearing vents, rants and rages. HUGS!
Hi Pat
The prison pups are good for everyone, prisoners, animals, and vets.
I am going to keep an eye on things. At least for a while. I am elated that it isn't going to be on my shoulders anymore. Maybe now I will find time to write.
Bill
Hi DR
Everything seems to be falling into place. Mom told sis's new neighbors who their new neighbors were and L and G were elated! The house has been vacant for a couple of years. They know each other form sis's visits here. Add that to them making a few grand just by buying the house and it seems like the karma is right for them to be here.
I am thinking about all the things I want to do and prioritizing them.
Well darn it DR, start taking care of yourself better and I will do the same! Do we have a pact?
THANKS FOR THE GREAT MESSAGE AND WONDER ADVISE!1
Bill
Thanks for the Nice Story on Prison Pups! Sounds like a good thing all the way around.
As for advice on giving up control? I am afraid I don't really have much either. I am feeling the effects of having to give up control over much of my life and having some anxiety over it. I honestly didn't think it would bother me but it seems of late I am having issues knowing I don't have control over some things.
As to someone coming in and taking over watching over dad. I agree with Pat & want to say I would love it.
I think we all have our own way of doing these things and it is hard to watch someone else come in and take over. But I also think that if the one taking over is someone that we are sure will only do the best, & once we get a taste of the freedom, things just have a way of working out just fine.
I think you will do just fine with the transition. Just take the time to do the things you talk of doing so often. Take advantage of it, when you can.
Hi Dona
I think it is normal to have trouble giving up control.
I also think all of us while we are involved in caring for someone really want someone to come in a relieve us. But when it happens it surprises us that we having cofusing emotions. It happened to me with my dad and DR with her Mom. It is an adjustment period. I am already planning things that will fill up that time.
Bill
Post a Comment