Tomorrow on the blog will be a special day because Dona sent me pictures of her remodeling project and gave me permission to post them on the blog. Tomorrow will be Dona Day. It is really amazing the amount of talent that people reading the blog have. You all will be amazed.
Today, however, is a couple of issues concernng men. The first up is advise to married women about their husbands. Don't let your husband retire if you want the marriage to last.
http://www.walletpop.com/blog/2010/03/08/staying-on-the-job-is-marital-therapy-for-boomers/?icid=main|htmlws-sb-n|dl5|link3|http%3A%2F%2Fwww.walletpop.com%2Fblog%2F2010%2F03%2F08%2Fstaying-on-the-job-is-marital-therapy-for-boomers%2F
Next up is a really troubling article about how divorced men:
http://www.aolnews.com/nation/article/suicide-rate-greater-among-divorced-men-research-finds/19388300
I am really not surprised about the first article. My Mom and Dad, however, seemed to do just fine after dad retired. They did get out of the house a lot and do a lot of things together so maybe that is the secret instead of not retiring, get out of the house.
The second article does surprise me. I thought men were emotionally more together than that.
Comments?
About Me
- William J.
- First, I think the birth sign is wrong. 6-21, some papers say Gemini, some Cancer. Guess that means I have so many personalities that I can do group therapy alone. For those that don't know how to read Google profiles I have put what I really mean in ( ). Hot (Good looking enough to be in movies(if I buy at ticket). A body like a God (Buddha). Romantic (Thinks begging is foreplay.) Physically fit (Heart trouble. Put 911 on speed dial before we get initmate.) Good Provider (has good life insurance in case you forget to put 911 on speed dial.) Loyal (has reference letters from Mom and parole officer.) Intelligent (scored 1600 on his SATS but you have to total the scores of the four times that I took the test.) Looking for someone compatible (Be between 30 & 99 and not inflatable.)
9 comments:
I've seen what the article talks about with retirement, but this definitely has not been true with us. John's now in his 20th year of retirement. We've always enjoyed doing our separate things as well as our together things. We know the value of "creative apartness". His father retired early, too, and his mother was one of those who said, "I married him for better or for worse...but NOT for lunch". She didn't alter any of her activities just because he was no longer at work all day.
One of the keys, of course, is for the spouse who retires (man or woman) to have some idea of who he/she is going to fill up the days before retiring, i.e., to retire TO something rather than retire FROM something.
And I hate to shop almost as much as he does.
The article does ring true to most couples I know. My mother and dad being one as when my dad retired I thought my mother would go mad. But it wasn't that he stayed home and followed her, but went on to do what he wanted...mainly golf all day. She loved to shop or just go and he didn't.
Its not this way with us either. I think you need your own space every now and then, as well as you need to be friends with your significant other. With us, we worked together for years and had no problem whatsoever with each other. I've seen other couples work together only to fight and dread going into work and then back home with each other.
Its also nice when you have hobbies/activities that you both enjoy.
Now the second article doesn't surprise me so much.
ohh and you don't have to make it "Dona Day"......too much pressure! :)
Oh, goodie, I'm so looking forward to seeing Dona's project.
Retirement - I've seen it go both ways. I think the key issue is for each to have interests of their own as well as shared interests. Like Dona, I worked with my husband for years, first in a corporate setting, then in a shared business. Now, although we're not really retired, we each have our own business, but both work out of the house. Sometimes, I wish we had more shared interests, but he isn't into dancing or exercise or festivals and I'm not into guns and ham radio, while we share the interest in the house, yard and RV. I don't see either one of us ever really retiring, at this point.
As to the second article... I want to see more research. I have ready many studies that contend married people -- male or female -- generally are happier and healthier than singles. I was happy both ways (shrug). Another stat is that divorced/widowed men often remarry within a year, while women often remain single and do well. I wasn't at all aware of a relationship between divorce and suicide for men.
I wonder if it's because women are nurterers, by nature, and often find something else to nurture, be it a job, their kids, volunteer work, whatever. Men are accustomed to working and being nurtured outside work? It's often been said women are the stabelizing (sp?)force in a relationship, although I think that's a generalization. I suspect much of it may have to do with an individual's ability to cope, to accept, to be someone outside their work identity? I'm not yet willing to buy off on what the article contends, perhaps because I know too many divorced and widowed men who've managed quite well to rebuild their lives.
Hi Mary Z
I love the way you and John enjoy retirement.
You hit two keys that I think are just great advise creative separate and retire to something instead of from something. What great advise.
Bill
Hi Dona
No pressure. Just sit back and enjoy the limelight. You worked hard and the end result is worth being appreciated!!
I completely agree that you need to be friends and that you need your own space.
My Mom and Dad also worked together most of their marriage and never have any problems. They enjoyed it. When they owned a roofing company dad did the jobs and mom did the office. When they owned a hardware store together they both worked inside the store.
Bill
I know women who have dreaded their husbands' retirement. But in general, it seems to have worked out okay. Obviously to have a clingy husband who wants to be your shadow and be fed 3 X a day would be a Major Drag. {g}
As to the other article, it doesn't surprise me, tho' I didn't know any of the suicide stats. Men who are widowed or divorced seem to want to marry again asap. Women, not so much. I suspect it's because women are used to caring for their home and their meals and men really want somebody else to wash their socks for them. Sometimes it works out well, but I know one guy who was very, very happy in his marriage. His wife died and he married again too soon and had a terrible time of it. I lost touch so don't know how it turned out, but it couldn't have turned out well.
Hi DR
Own interests and alone time is important. Along with shared interests. Himself and yoruself are a perfect example how to enjoy each other and your own things.
I've also read the articles that said married people are happier.
But I think those articles should say married people in a happy marriage or happier than singles but if they are in a bad marriage my guess as they aren't as happy as singles.
I actually think you are right that women are the stabelizing force in a marriage because I think overall they do relationships better than men.
What surprised me about the suicide rate is almost always a man gets his identity from his job not his relationship and if his relationship ends he still has the job. I wonder how many men in the study that committed suicide also had lost their job.
Bill
Hi Pat
I wouldn't want a clingy woman either, that is really hard work. I have seen men that had to be around their wives 24 hours a day and I just shake my head.
Of course men that or divorced or widowed want to marry again. Most of probably don't know how to cook or make a bed.
I also think remarrying to soon is an awful way to go.
Bill
Excellent point on happy marriages versus unhappy marriages, Bill. Which then leads to the question, what caused the unhappiness in the marriage and does that carry forward to influence the suicide rate?
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