Things I Learned From My Dad.

My dad and my brother, Grover, not long before dad died. I took the picture:



Mom and dad's wedding picture, I didn't take the picture: (People say I look like him, I'm flattered.)



I wanted to honor dads today and wish them a very Happy Fathers' Day. The best way for me to honor dads is to honor my own dad. Things I learned from my dad:

NOBODY IS PERFECT BUT STICK UP FOR YOURSELF:

One summer vacation between my sophomore and junior year in high school we visited the Los Angeles area. Dad made a wrong turn and accidentally ended up on the Golden State Freeway going the wrong way. He immediately pulled off to the side of the freeway out of traffic. A man driving by yelled out to dad "Go back to Oregon, where you belong." Dad responded. "Where in the hell do you think I am trying to go."

SING A LITTLE:

You Are My Sunshine. She Will Be Coming Around The Mountain When She Comes. Songs my dad always sang to us when we were little. Either riding in the car or sitting on his lap.

PAY IT FORWARD:

W and S were high school friends of my sister. They married right after high school graduation. They came to say good bye to my parents. They were broke. When they were done visiting dad followed them out to their car. I was outside playing catch with a friend. I saw dad give them twenty bucks (a lot of money then) and I heard dad tell them, "This isn't a loan. You will be successful and when that happens give twenty dollars to someone who needs it."

BE CHARITABLE WITH YOUR TIME BUT WATCH OUT FOR THE DEVIL:

We were members of a very small Methodist Church. They really couldn't afford to hire chores around the church to be done so the parishioners pitched in. One day dad was helping to paint the church when he reached a little to far and the ladder went out from under him, he broke some ribs. When they took him to the emergency room the doctor on duty happened to be a friend of the family. "John, what happened?" The doctor asked. Dad responded, "I was up on the ladder making peace with the lord and the damn devil pulled the ladder out from under me."

YOU DON'T ALWAYS HAVE TO FOLLOW OTHERS' RULES:

Mom, dad, and I decided to go for a ride. Dad just took his checkbook and driver's license, left all his other identification at home. On the way home we stopped at the grocery store to pick up a few things and for dad to cash a check. When we got up to the checkout stand the clerk said "I need two pieces of I.D.". Without missing a beat dad said "they are right here, my wife and my son." The clerk not only laughed, she said, "that's good enough for me."

DON'T BARK UP THE WRONG TREE:

I was maybe six. We lived in Pocatello, Idaho. We had a kid from hell living next door to us. He was seven and made you dream of retroactive birth control. He would come over almost every day and lean on our doorbell. It drove dad nuts. Dad finally had it and came up with a plan to scare the heck out Freddie. Dad enlisted me in his plan. One day we were sitting home when someone was leaning on the doorbell. We put dad's plan into action. Dad got down on his hands and knees and started doing an amazing imitation of a Pit Bull. BARK, RUFF, BARK, RUFF! Barking all the way to the door and when he got there I opened the door. BARK, RUFF, BARK, RUFF! It wasn't Freddie standing there, it was two people handing out religious material.

REAL MEN DON'T RUN FROM CRISIS:

I shared this with the readers of the blog before but the most traumatic time in our family is when I was eighteen. I was in car accident and not expected to live. The same day of the accident my sister had a baby that lived for a few minutes and then died. My Mom was recovering from a surgery she had three weeks earlier for uterine cancer. It is the oldest that I ever remember my dad looking. He could have split. He didn't. He drove the one hundred and eighty mile trip to see me daily, called and checked on my sister daily, went with Mom to all her doctor appointments, all while running the family business. I lived, my sister later had a beautiful daughter, and Mom beat the odds and recovered from cancer. That wouldn't have happened without dad's support.

CHOOSE A WIFE THAT ENDORSES YOUR QUIRKS:

It was an unscheduled party. Can't have a party without ice cream. Mom sent dad to the store to get chocolate ice cream. Dad came back with some weird flavor that wasn't chocolate. Dad assumed the brand name "Browns" meant it was chocolate. Instead of being mad, Mom said, "well, it wasn't what I asked for but it was still damn good ice cream."

LOVE YOUR WIFE:

His favorite saying was, "You can have anything I own but you can't have my woman."

MAKE HOLIDAYS MEMORABLE:

Another story I've told before on the blog. We always had big Christmas celebrations. My aunt and uncle and their children always joined us as did some friends. We usually had twenty or more people for Christmas Eve dinner. That was the night when Santa Claus came. With so many people there it made for a ton of gifts under the tree. I was seven. The gifts always appeared after we were asked to leave for a while. Then the youngest kids would hand out the gifts. After all the gifts were handed out I didn't get one. Just as I was trying to remember what horrible thing I had done to be ignored by Santa the doorbell rang. Dad, said "Bill, that is for you." I opened the door and looked out through the softly falling snow, tied to the tree in our front yard was a beautiful Shetland pony.

IF YOU ARE A GOOD MAN, PEOPLE WILL STILL LOVE YOU WHEN YOU AREN'T WHOLE:

Two months before dad died we just couldn't take care of him anymore. It was just to emotionally exhausting to care for someone with dementia. We found a really good facility with really good care. The people there loved dad. When dad died and the managers of the facility originally said the caregivers couldn't have the time off to go to dad's memorial there was a mini revolt. Several said they would quit if the didn't get the time off. Special arrangements were made and nine of the caregivers went to dad's memorial.

MAKE YOUR LAST WORDS A LEGACY:

When dad was getting ready to leave this world I was holding his hand thanking him for being a great dad and telling him that in heaven there was an endless supply orange slices waiting for him, he said to me. "You have been a great son." The last words he spoke to me. Every day I try to be as good of son to Mom as dad thought I was to him. When I leave this world, I hope they say I was successful.

What did you learn from your dad?

PS

Yesterday's Who Am I was Mary Todd Lincoln.