It was nice to see my brother yesterday. From now on is the ten referred to as The Group: Mom, Sis, Sis's husband, Grover, Grover's wife, Caregiver Susan, Niece Kristi, Kristi's kids Natalie & Carson. and myself. I enjoyed nine out of ten of the people. We had lunch and dinner together. Lot's of reliving the past and funny stories of the present. Recalling really hard jobs dad got us in high school. All of us kids worked in the family hardware store. When we complained about working in that store dad got us all other jobs. Sis worked cleaning books in a library. Brother worked on "the line" in a lumber mill. I drove twenty-seven miles to work for a dollar an hour in the fields. In the onion fields, weeding onions. Hardest job you can have. You work twelve hour days. You are either bent over at the back or on your knees the entire twelve hours. There was that third degree sun burn that certainly didn't help. When the onions were all weeded I got a job as a box boy (they are called something else now) in a grocery store. Piece of cake. All the other box boys were complaining about how hard the job was (we had to lift some heavy things is all) and I was telling them to quit complaining that the job was easy. All perception, no?
Last week. Going backwards. Saturday was family day. Friday was relaxing day. I seldom get headaches but I had a monster one on Friday. So I caught up on my sleep, returned phone calls, and did a little work on the annual football party. Thursday and Wednesday I was at Mom's. I did take Mom out a couple of times. The only time she gets out is when I am there. One of the guilt feelings I have with mom and the main reason I don't withdraw from the care of her even more is she gets better after I am there. What I have read about the elderly is that they are losing everything. Control of some of their decisions. Less movement in their legs and arms. That you should let them do things and not take away things and do them for them. I get her out and when she is out she interacts with people in the outside world. I make sure she is less dependant on the mobile wheelchair and make her use the walker as much as she can. She uses her mind when we play Scrabble. Basically Mom can do what she wants without the fear of being scolded like a little child when I am there. The caregiver and my sister have a different way of taking care of Mom and they have really good reasons for their methods. They are extremely fearful that Mom will fall. I am afraid mom will fall too but if she does it will be doing something she wanted to and loved doing. So when the others are there, mom has to use the mobile chair or someone will get mad, if she does something she might have to hide the evidence. Not a good way to live in my opinion, falling would be better. When I backed off caring for dad he got worse and died. I've always felt guilty about that. Now I am reliving dad through Mom. I just can't give more of my time to mom than I am now for my own mental health but do I ever feel guilty. If I were there seven days a week mom would improve. Just to be clear it isn't me seeing mom getting better when I am there, it is mom's friend Marion, mom's friend Betty, and even the caregiver making the your mom sure gets better when you are there comments. I should take it as a compliment but it really ends up being an unbearable responsibility.
On the agenda next week. Today is another family day with The Group. Tomorrow is a movie and ordering stuff and food for the football party on 8-30. Tuesday and Wednesday nights and days and Thursday all day is at Mom's. Friday is errand day. Saturday isn't scheduled right now but I am sure something will come up.
Update me your lives now. Besides telling me all about what went on in your life last week and what is on the agenda for you next week I would like to hear about the jobs you had as a teenage. First jobs. Hardest job. Inquiring minds want to now. The blog is now yours, post whatever you damn well please.
About Me
- William J.
- First, I think the birth sign is wrong. 6-21, some papers say Gemini, some Cancer. Guess that means I have so many personalities that I can do group therapy alone. For those that don't know how to read Google profiles I have put what I really mean in ( ). Hot (Good looking enough to be in movies(if I buy at ticket). A body like a God (Buddha). Romantic (Thinks begging is foreplay.) Physically fit (Heart trouble. Put 911 on speed dial before we get initmate.) Good Provider (has good life insurance in case you forget to put 911 on speed dial.) Loyal (has reference letters from Mom and parole officer.) Intelligent (scored 1600 on his SATS but you have to total the scores of the four times that I took the test.) Looking for someone compatible (Be between 30 & 99 and not inflatable.)
2 comments:
Glad the group got together and is having fun and hope you can avoid the exception. Sounds like you had a great time, reliving the past.
I hear you on the different approaches to caring for your mom and just wish Sis and c/g would lighten up a little on their fears. You're absolutely right about not taking away from them things they can do, even things that may challenge them, altho I admit I had to watch myself carefully with Mom, in that respect.
I don't know what to tell you about the guilt. You're spending a lot of quality time with your mom, but the only way you can do that and not grow to really resent it is to take time for Bill and his interests. I learned that with Walt, relearned it with Mom. If you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care of others. And I don't think there's any guarantee that seven days a week would do more good than the four or more you now spend with her. She has something to look forward to, when she knows you're coming.
Busy week and relaxing weekend. Four days at pool, line dance, massage therapy, chiro, groceries, domestics, finally cleared all the paperwork surrounding my desk - yea! Editorial hours and answering inquiries. Looks like I'm scheduled through the end of the year. The hip flared again at LD, so we're going back to once weekly app'ts for a bit.
The pool transition isn't going smoothly. Mel was told Friday he could no longer use the hanging float (which has made such a difference, he no longer needs his cane to get to the pool), because the float belongs to SportsMed/PT and he is a fitness center member. Now, why the temporary guys are issuing edicts, I'm not sure. The gal who started a couple months ago was told she can no longer park in back and enter through PT, because she's a fitness member, so she can't come, as there's no way she can get from the front parking lot and do the (literally) one block walk through the fitness center to the pool in back. There's something wrong with this picture, particularly since she was a PT patient there for a couple months. The temp guys muttered about "liability."
Time with Scamp and training. She's does so well in so many areas, was doing well with house training, a sudden regression and she knows she's done wrong and is very "sad," but that doesn't necessarily cut it. One week she gets it, the next week it's like she has no clue. Very frustrating. Good thing she's so good in all other aspects and so cute and loving. Did some research and shudder at some of the stories of how difficult certain breeds are to house train. And whimper at those show talk about totally house trained dogs at four months. If, however, this is the biggest challenge/ problem I have this year, I shall count myself fortunate.
Prayers, please, for my neighbor's son. His mom is in one nursing facility, in the Alzheimer's wing, has been since she fell nine months ago. His father is another facility since his fall of five or six weeks ago and has finally admitted he can't come home and wants Craig to get him into the assisted living wing of Clairissa's facility. Craig is strung tight as a wire, running in a gizzillion directions with two nursing homes (about fifty miles apart) and his parents house kind of in the middle and facing the fact neither of them will come back home to live (and all that may entail), plus working full time and extra hours.
Hi DR
I made my mind up after Saturday that when a certain person's lips move my legs will move to another room.
Thank you for saying that I am doing as much as I can witbout losing who I am. I have to keep remembering that.
Your weeks are always so busy but there is also a very nice mix of things that you do. Great job on clearing your desk! Great news the your year is filled and you don't have to worry. Bad news about the hip and I hope that gets better.
Sorry about the pool transistion, I don't get why they can't use the hanging float. Why can't SportsMed get some good PR going and let Mel use it. Certainly people would respect them more. Sounds like a childish fight between fitness members and some idiots.
What a transition for Scamp. He has improved so much in your care. I will send some prayers that she totally gets the house training soon.
Prayers also for the neighbor's son. What a nightmare
Bill
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