Sunday night Mom, her caregiver, and myself went to a movie, NEW IN TOWN, a good chick flick that I might review later. The reason for the post is a discussion we had after the movie that I thought was interesting enough to post here and see what you all think about the subject.
We were talking what kind of movies we all liked and of course mom picked romantic movies with happy endings, the caregiver picked romantic movies with realistic endings, and I picked artistic movies with a message. Mom and Susan pretty much called me a movie snob. I went on to explain to them using the movie THE BOY IN THE STRIPED PAJAMAS as an example. In PAJAMAS, set in World War II, a Nazi General and his family move to the county in Germany, where the general is to watch over a concentration camp. The camp is hidden in a forest a small distance from where the German family resides. Their son, maybe third grade age, goes on a walk through the forest and comes upon the concentration camp. He befriends a Jewish boy his same age that resides in the camp. They become friends. The German boy brings the Jewish boy food almost daily. They talk. They play. The German boy doesn't know he his supposed to hate Jews, he hasn't been taught it. I told Mom and Susan the movie was a perfect example how someone is born free of hate but learns it over time. They learn it from parents. From teachers. From Peers. From Lovers. From News Reports. And sometimes from life experiences.
Mom agreed with me that generally people are taught to hate but the caregiver thought there could be instances where someone is born into hate. She used a young black being born into a poor neighborhood ruled by gangs. I disagreed. That too is learned. You aren't born a Blood and taught to hate Crips. You hate Crips to survive the neighborhood. that you live in. Learned hate. Learned by life experiences.
So here are my questions for the day. The fun one first, am I a movie snob? Now the serious ones: Is hate learned? Can someone be born into hate? Were you ever taught by parents, peer, teachers, friends to hate a group of the population? How did you break the cycle? Inquiring minds want to know.
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12 comments:
Interesting stuff, Bill. I haven't seen the movie, but I'm reading the book THE BOY IN THE STRIPED PAJAMAS. The author gets a little cutesy, with the boy hearing "Fuhrer" as "the Fury" and Auschwitz as "Out With", which are strictly English-speaking mistakes and don't work with German (or at least I don't think they do), but oh, well. He calls the book a "fable".
I don't think you're a movie snob, since you've liked all kinds of different movies, as have I. I know the difference between a really serious movie and a frothy one, but can enjoy both. I think that's true of you, too. Right? Or wrong?
I firmly believe that hate has to be learned. Sometimes it's learned from personal bad experience, branding a whole group for the bad behavior of one or a few people, and that's unfortunate. Even more unfortunate is when it's taught from childhood.
My own experience is kind of interesting (I think). I was brought up to believe that color of skin didn't matter, that we were all basically the same. Much later, I learned that my parents actually had some fairly deep prejudices, but they had taught me correctly and well, and I didn't take on any of them. Their prejudice was due to upbringing and maybe where that upbringing took place, and certainly never rose to the level of hatred, but just a kind of "as long as they stay in their place" attitude. I give both of them kudos for not passing on those prejudices to me.
You might be a movie snob, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. 8^)
Remember the song from South Pacific - vintage 1949?...
You've got to be taught
To hate and fear,
You've got to be taught
From year to year,
It's got to be drummed
In your dear little ear
You've got to be carefully taught.
You've got to be taught to be afraid
Of people whose eyes are oddly made,
And people whose skin is a diff'rent shade,
You've got to be carefully taught.
You've got to be taught before it's too late,
Before you are six or seven or eight,
To hate all the people your relatives hate,
You've got to be carefully taught!
Of course you're a movie snob. We're all movie snobs. We have movies that we love, type of movies that we'll try to see, and types of movies we won't cross the street to see. The movies I like, you might not, and vice versa. But as Mary Z says, that's not necessarily a bad thing.
As for prejudice, my parents gave lip service to all of us being equal and it worked fine until my sister decided to go to the movies with a black man. My father showed up at his work to tell him that the races weren't supposed to mix.
Nobody who knows my mother would think she had a prejudiced bone in her body, but she has her ethnic problems too, with this one being too XXX-ish, and complaining that the XXXs are taking over this or that location that she used to enjoy but can't now because there are too many XXXs there. Or how such and show would be a good show if it weren't for that ugly XXX person in the cast. It bothers me a lot. Her second husband was extremely bigoted and he and I often had words about the language he used to refer to groups of "others."
But they must have done something good in training my sister and myself because I don't THINK that we picked up on any of those prejudices.
I'm going to be the pessimist about human nature here. I don't believe that hate itself is learned. I think it's innate. What seems to be learned is the culturally appropriate target of the hatred.
Hatred seems to be deeply connected to a strong preference for "us" over "them," whoever they are. If you really watch many young children, anger and hatred don't really seem foreign to them. I believe that, unfortunately, we are tribal by nature, just as dogs like packs.
Ummm. I think you can have a "pack" or "clan" mentality without "hating"....Packs and Clans are formed as a matter of survival...Gathering food, splitting chores and sharing sentry duties to guard against predators...I think you can dislike or have an aversion to some things or some people, but I believe that is probably for self preservation.....(Yes, be afraid of *but not necessarily hate* the Big Bad Wolf)
Hi Pat
I think BOY IN THE STRIPED PAJAMAS may be one of those rare instances that the movie works better than the book.
You are right on about me and movies. I can love WILD HOGS and then go to an artsy movie the next night and enjoy it.
My experience mirrors you. My family also taught us to be accepting of everyone but we also discovered later that Dad and Mom had some latent prejudices. Dad was an interesting character becuase he would help anyone anytime regardless of color but then her would turn around and us the n word.
Bill
Hello Mary Z
Thank you for saying that being a snob may not be a bad thing!
I loved the movie SOUTH PACIFIC but I forgot that very approriate song. Thank you for that.
Bill
Hello Bev fellow movie snob!
My experience also mirrored yours. My parents talked a good game until sis married a man from Spain.
Of course over the thirteen years of their marriage mom and dad learned to love him. He treated them with a tremendous amount of respect and that overcame any prejudices they might have had against him.
My brother has some prejudices and so does his son but sis and me ended up with no serious ones. So Mom and dad did train us all well, some of us just learned better than others.
Bill
Hi Ellen
I always like to hear your point of view and your advise because both are almost right on. However, this is that 1% of the time when I'm not sure I agree with you.
I think wanting to survive is innate and that might lead for anger at a group threatening your survivial. But I'm not so sure hate is innate.
Interesting argument!
Bill
Hi Lisa
I kind of agree that there are reasons for packs to form beside hate but then I wonder if to survive the pack doesn't learn how to hate those with a different opinion, from a different social class, or from a different culture or religion.
Bill
My parents carefully raised us not to be prejudiced, which was a real accomplishment as my grandparents were terribly prejudiced. I still remember when my Dad quit the Elks when I was eight or nine, because they wouldn't let black people in. I still think that was such a brave and principled thing to do (the Elks were a big part of their social life).
The funny thing is that these people who were so careful to teach their kids to respect all races were very prejudiced against gays. I still remember the day my dad found out that one of his Boy Scouts, one of my brother's closest friends, was gay, and in a relationship with a man we also liked very much. I don't think my parents had ever realized they knew an actual gay person before. They still struggle with the religious aspect of it, but they have accepted the couple as friends and treat them like anybody else. That wasn't easy for them at all, and I really admire them for it.
I know that I am not completely without prejudice, but I hope my kids never notice. I work really hard on that.
Hi Mary
I'm glad your parents broke the cycle of discrimination. I think that also happened in my family.
Your dad should be commended for quitting the Elks. That was taking a stand long before it was fashionable. Extremely brave.
My dad was pretty accepting of gays but like your folks my sister is accepting of everyone but every prejudiced against gays. It boggles the mind.
My nephew who is also kind of anti gay has also accepted my cousin's daughter and her girl friend. He even went to their wedding. I thinking knowing them has softened him.
Mom, bless her heart, could give a rip about someone's sexual orientation. She cares more about what kind of person they are. She supports their right to get married. Not many 93 year-olds like her.
None of us are completely without prejudce, I don't have any of the biggies but when I was in business all those years it always seemed like someone from a particular religion was always a difficult client. I began to hope not getting any more of that church's members as a client.
Bill
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