Today is my favorite day of the week, update day. The day when you tell Uncle and Brother Bill about your life. What is going on with you right now. How your elderly parents are. How your children are. Joys you have had in the past week. Sorrows that came into your life. And if you are new to the blog this is a good day to make new friends and introduce yourself. None of the posters here bite (I do sometimes) and they will welcome you with open arms and computers.
For today I am going to combine update day with a question for the day. Have youy ever did something that you were absolute sure was going to make someone angry with you only to have them react in an unexpected positive way and became friends with them?
First my update. Mom has a virus that has been going around the Portland area. A serious virus that takes about three weeks before you completely get well. Last night I took Mom dinner (soup and 1/2 sandwich) and stayed until my nephew got there. Man I was worried about her. She looked on death's door. I am at Mom's today all day. I got here at 8:30. She made a marvelous improvement overnight and is about 50% better. She is improving. I'm being Nurse Rached today, since she is on the rise I want the rise to continue. Mom says I have healing powers. I'm positive she will even better tomorrow. The reason that I am here today is that the job is going better. I'm getting much faster now that I've learned their procedures. I'm becoming very productive. With the economy the tax returns are coming in slower. I ran out of work yesterday. So I took the day off with their approval. I wanted to concentrate on Mom. I can get another job, I can't get another Mom.
It was the 80's. My first week on a new job as an internal auditor for an insurance company. An internal auditing job is the pits. You can't win in the job. The bosses always think you are being to easy on the employees and the employees always think that you are being to hard on them. A classic no win situation. My first assignment was to audit the marketing department. A man several years older than myself, Norm, was the head honcho of the department. I audited his department and turned in my report. The report was very critical of home office. They didn't communicate with branch offices about the polices they wanted enforced and then when the branch offices didn't follow the policies the home office got upset. My conclusion was communication works two ways and home office needed to communicate their wants and needs to the branch office in a more pleasant and effective way.
They day after the report hit the CEO's desk here came Norm walking towards my office. I braced myself for an argument befitting of a fight between cats and dogs. I was in a state of shock when Norm entered my office and said "That was the best report I've read since I've been here and I've been here ten years." Apparantly Norm had been telling his bosses the exact same thing that was in my report. Norm and I became friends. When I quit the insurance company to start my own business, Norm became one of my first clients. I did his tax return for over twenty years.
The last few years we would either go to lunch or breakfast when he brought his tax return information in. I always enjoyed our chats. Norm's son-in-law is a pretty famous mystery writer. Hits the New York Time's best seller list every time when a new book comes out. To protect their privacy I am keeping their last names out of this entry. I guess what happens is before a new book goes out to the general public, the publisher prints 500 marketing copies of the book with a game plan to promote the book. They are pretty valuable if you can get your hands on one. One year when Norm came to get his tax return done he brought me one of those five hundred books. I still have it. What an insight into the publishing industry!
Thursday while at work I got a phone call from Norm's grandson. Norm passed away Wednesday night while in his sleep. Norm you will be missed.
“ Each man's death diminishes me, for I am involved in mankind. Therefore, send not to know for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee. ”
— John Donne.
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16 comments:
No Top Chef recap yet? I'm surprised. I was happy with the outcome, BTW. I was rooting for Carla, but it was clear early on that this was definitely not her day.
My update would be that tonight I'm reviewing "Sound of Music" for the bazillionth time. And on Monday our last two puppies, who had to move on when I had my cataract surgery, are coming back to spend a week with us. I'm very excited! It's been over a month since they moved and I'm sure they have doubled in size by now.
Hi Bev
I usually do my Top Chef recaps on Saturday morning to give people time to see it before I spill the beans. I also like to watch the recorded version a couple of times before giving my opinion. I always see something the 2nd and third time that I didn't see the first time. By this season of Top Chef was the highest rated ever.
No Top Chef recap yet? I'm surprised. I was happy with the outcome, BTW. I was rooting for Carla, but it was clear early on that this was definitely not her day.
I love the "Sound of Music" wish I was going with you!
YEA TO THE PUPPIES COME HOME FOR A VISIT!!
By the way how are your eyes? Completely healed?
Bill
I did once have a situation like you mention that resulted in a strong friendship. Too long and involved to go into here, but it was quite surprising.
I did catch up with Top Chef this week, but I'll save my reaction for when you post about it.
Update-wise, nothing new. Mom still has the rash, though it's somewhat better. I'm trying to get info to change her insurance so we can get the doc we want, but so far am running into the usual "can't reach the right person to talk to" snags. I have a month to get it accomplished, and if something crops up that needs immediate attention, we'll just go to the selected doc as a private patient w/Medicare.
I got mom's and my own tax stuff done, finally. The hangup is always to get out and get copies before I entrust originals to the US Mail. Will mail them off this afternoon. That's a small load off.
I agree with Bev on the Top Chef Outcome. (that is all I will say so not to spoil it for the others)
Bill, to answer your question first.
Yes I have.
For the update, this has been a rather stressful/mental wise week for me. Nothing bad health wise. My dad is fine. Just as you all probably noticed on my complaining (since we can't use whine anymore) On the List post, I am just having a bad week with the dad/situation thing.
It really started last Wednesday, but I was just too tired mentally to even write about it last update day. It is just those little things that are making me crazy, and to quote ladydr here I have been ready to run screaming into the woods all week.
And Bill, I am so sorry to hear about Norm. It sounded like you had a very dear friend there. My sympathies.
Hi Pat
Sometimes the best friendships and romances come from surprising event.
I was hoping your mom's rash would get even better, that has to be such a concern. I am glad it was a little better.
Getting set up with new insurance and the right doctor is a pain in the rear.
CONGRATULATIONS on getting yours and your mom's tax stuff out the door!
Bill
Hi Dona
I will try to post my Top Chef report early in the morning.
You, Pat, and I have found a friendship from an unusual source!
I also don't see what you are doing as complaining, I see it as sharing about life. Like DR said to Pat in another thread she was whiny, DR pointed out that all of us were experiencing the same emotion as her. That type of discussion whether is complaining or not is helpful because it helps to know we aren't alone.
It is extremely exhausting to care for a relative and I actually think is harder to care for a relative capable of doing more things for themselves then they are willing to do. That puts an unnecessary burden on what would be a stressful situation even if elderly relative were perfect. That would irritate to me to know end and I certainly wouldn't have the patience that you do, I would have been in a huge fight with your dad by now.
Thanks for the sympathies. Norm was a good and decent man.
Bill
I'm so sorry at your friend's passing.
Glad that your mum is doing well, and hope she recovers fully soon.
My update is that my parents stayed over last weekend. It was a flurry of activity for me -- fussing over my dad and doing all the cooking so mum could at least put her feet up. There was a mild moment of panic when she was grinding up his pills and my younger dog bounced up in excitement and pure greed. Mum thought she dropped a pill, the one that dad takes for his Parkinson's, and it slows down your pulse and brings down your blood pressure. I was in the shower actually, when that happened, but I heard my mum shriek and scold the dog, and my husband asking her what happened, and her explanation that she "thought she dropped a pill" and was afraid that the dog ate it. Oh well, the dog will just have low blood pressure for the day then, my husband joked. That was when I stuck my head out of the shower, soap and all, and screamed for him to call the vet. I wasn't taking any chances, it's like when kids accidentally get into adult medication. It was only then that he realised the seriousness of the situation and he and mum counted all the pills -- twice -- and nothing was missing, so maybe she didn't drop any after all. And the dog is OK, although he was very sleepy the whole afternoon but it's probably from the excitement of having the grandparents over. Well, there you go, another adventure in caregiving.
Hi Snug!
WOW what an amazing and frightening storry. I'd been scared too about the dog, our animals are part of our families. I'm glad the dog didn't suffer anything if he did get the pill.
My heart would have stopped several times. I am glad your parents are getting out to your house but will pray that it will be with less drama the next time!
Mom is getting better but this is a three week viirus.
My friend definitely will be missed.
Bill
I'm so glad to hear Mom is better and know how relieved you must be and glad you were able to spend the day with her.
What an intriguing story about Norm. I'm so sorry to hear you've lost such a good friend and such a good man.
Bev, congrats on having the pups back. Enjoy!
Pat, good luck on insurance (a major pain for everyone) and good job on getting the taxes ready to go. It's on my list... sigh.
Dona, I'm so sorry to hear the stress level has been high. I don't know how you do it. Much as I love my mother, I'm not at all sure I could live with her 24/7 and I know I'd have problems if she left me to do things she's quite capable of. There are times you must have to find the patience of a saint.
Snug, so glad your parents were able to visit for the weekend. Like Bill, I hope their future visits are a bit less dramatic, but glad to hear all is well, the dog is fine and all pills were accounted for.
It's been a strange week for me. I had a great last weekend, doing lots of clearing out and decluttering, then a "blah" week with a "blah" ms and lots of time-consuming piddly stuff concerning Mom, even though she's in AZ. Phone calls, doctor changes, doctor bills kind of stuff. Had a short jam session (guitar) when we had Shelly and Terry up for dinner, to raise her spirits before retina surgery (which went fine-yea!) Today I began attacking papers and file cabinets, clearing out literally 25 to 30 pounds of research material from a client who passed away and whose family has no interest in his project, clearing out old client files ... call me strange, but this sort of thing sometimes helps me clear my brain and emotions as well. Sent a new option off to Deb & Mom, maybe a bit off the wall, but we'll see what reaction I get. It was the result of sitting down with my Morning Pages (journal, sort of) and trying to put myself in Mom's place and think about how I'd feel if I were in her situation and circumstances, from health to moving to surgery to whatever. An enlightening exercise, in some ways. I, of course, think it's a brilliant option, but we'll see if anyone else takes to it at all.
Hi DR
So what is the new option, you have my curiousity?
I'm at mom's last night, tonight, and tomorrow night because the caregiver needed some time off. After that sis will be here and it is my life taking priority for a a while. Mom is doing better but this is a mean virus. They see three weeks too 100 per cent.
Norm will definitely be missed!
back. Enjoy!
I'm gad you had a great weekend last weekend, you deserve more of those!Sorry you have a blah week but am glad it came with some enlightenment. And cleaning does help me sort out my mind too! Sometimes we should all take time to wonder what it would be like to be someone else, it makes for some unique understanding. Let us know how deb reacts to the new option.
Bill
The reaction to my option was wildly unenthusiastic and negative. After trying to put me in Mom's place, I suggested we were expecting her to deal with way too much -- surgery, packing, sorting, moving, adjustments -- and maybe it would be better to let her stay in AZ until they got the sinus/allergy issue resolved, come home, pack up for the move and if, which seems most financially practical for Deb, she moved to AZ, the surgery be done there, where she'd be "on location" for any follow-up or complications. It went over the bar like a pregnant pole-vaulter. Deb still doesn't know where they're going to settle, says she doesn't know anything about cardios or orthos in the Phoenix area and my suggestion only raised her stress level. Color me a bit discouraged at the moment.
Hi Dr
I thought your suggestion was reasonable and caring and best for your Mom. However, that being said I can't help but wonder if Deb isn't overwhelmed by caring for you Mom and didn't realize the time committment involved until she was actually involved with your Mom. If she had that mind set the idea of being the main caregiver after knee replacement migght have frightened her to no end.
Bill
Wow, Ladydr, I agree with Bill on both accounts. I think the idea you had would have been perfect for your mother, and agree with you on it all. And I am sure as I have lived it and am living it, that Deb is no where near giving the care-giving her all. Or at least it sounds like it. Its seems they (sibs) can give you all kinds of excuses/reasons for why it cannot be done when you do it/or have done it for yourself each day.
Ladydr, hope your color will change soon. :)
Hi Dona
I hope DR's color changes in her life too!
Bill
Well, see, we all kind of "get it" becuase we've been doing it. Mom's time with Deb and the other sibs has all been kinda vacation and short term and when she was feeling better and/or could fake it for a week or so.
Given Deb's choices, I wouldn't be in her shoes for anything, trying to make a decision on where to live or what to do. Her house analysis shows the place is worth less than 65% of what they bought it for five years ago, which doesn't leave her with many positive choices. And add to that stress the discovery of Mom's real-life health considerations and ... nope, she's got to be going through tough times. And, after talking very briefly with Mom last night, who could barely talk for coughing, she's in no condition to make decisions about anything, other than whether she wants to livve or die (no, I'm not being overly dramatic here).
I really appreciate the encouragemnet here and will just coast along, accepting we're back to dominos, based primarily on the relocation decision, and plan life around the original surgery schedule. Color me putting life on hold and taking care of Mom from the end of March until the end of June or July and not knowing what the future holds, which has kind of been the story of the last four or five years and one with which you're all familiar.
Hi DR
It is rough on Deb and I'm betting something else that may make it even harder for Deb, your Mom is missing you and her place and is being vocal about it.
When we care for the elderly as long as we have the elderly gets used to us and we get used to them. It is an adjutment for both of them.
I'm hoping all works out for everyone. My guess is you may find Deb moving East instead of Mom moving west.
Hugs.
Bill
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