I am really tired right now and it looks like I have three more nights at Mom's house. The nasty virus that is going around has nailed both my nephew and the main caregiver. So what has happened a lot since 2001 is that the entire burden of taking care of an elderly parent has once again fallen on me. Which would be fine normally but this isn't the time of year for the extra burden. Without the job it would be easier. But with the regular job, the extra job at the guys that bought my business, and my own stuff having to be away from home on top of it is really difficult. What makes it even harder is I don't think Mom gets how hard it is for me. As we have talked about earlier a lot of elderly become kind of selfish as they get older and pretty much focus on their needs and not the needs of those around them. The conversation this morning was "Susan said she might be here on Thursday night but I'm going to tell her not to come this week." Excuse me! That statement was right after she asked me what she could do to help and I responded with getting someone to stay with her at nights. It is almost like whatever I say goes into this big black hole. Oh, well only three more nights until sister is here and only six more weeks on the job!
Because of the above schedule I haven't really had time to watch the recorded version of The Amazing Race so am not going to do a summary this week. I will say that the siblings got eliminated. So we won't have a sibling team winning to weeks in a row.
A couple of news tidbits. A woman called 911 when McDonalds told her they were out of chicken nuggets and wouldn't give her a refund. I can't believe anyone would be so stupid as to tie up a phone line meant to be reserved for life threatening situations with an argument over chicken nuggets. What do you folks think of this story?
In another story Best Buy was swindled out of thirty-one million dollars by an employee. No wonder they are having financial trouble. Read the full story here:
http://money.aol.com/news/articles/tech-news/_a/bbdp/best-buy-swindled-out-of-31-million/367215?icid=200100125x1219516324x1201313845
In an update on the Howard Avery story, the private basketball trainer that I wrote about a few days ago, it was reported in today's Oregonian that when he was 17 he was convicted of rape. Since he was a juvenile at the time the records were sealed for twenty-five years. Should this history been known? Or is it the rignt thing to do to keep juvenile records sealed? I think each case should be considered by their own merits and some should be sealed and some shouldn't.
Off to work. Hope your day isn't to exhausting!
About Me
- William J.
- First, I think the birth sign is wrong. 6-21, some papers say Gemini, some Cancer. Guess that means I have so many personalities that I can do group therapy alone. For those that don't know how to read Google profiles I have put what I really mean in ( ). Hot (Good looking enough to be in movies(if I buy at ticket). A body like a God (Buddha). Romantic (Thinks begging is foreplay.) Physically fit (Heart trouble. Put 911 on speed dial before we get initmate.) Good Provider (has good life insurance in case you forget to put 911 on speed dial.) Loyal (has reference letters from Mom and parole officer.) Intelligent (scored 1600 on his SATS but you have to total the scores of the four times that I took the test.) Looking for someone compatible (Be between 30 & 99 and not inflatable.)
12 comments:
Oh, Bill, I'm so sorry you're getting hammered from all sides right now. Please try to take care of yourself as much as you can until the pressure eases off. I won't say until the pressure is gone, because somehow it never seems to be gone, does it?
The woman who called 911 over chicken nuggets is JUST PLAIN STUPID. I hope she's prosecuted and that it is reported upon at length so that other STUPID people might be warned. I am feeling unforgiving today.
Best Buy seems to have some STUPID employees if nobody caught an over 1,000% markup on items they were buying.
Do we sense a theme here?
As to juvenile records being sealed or not, I'd have to agree that it should be judged on individual cases. I'd hate to see minor infractions by STUPID teenagers become lifelong problems for them, but OTOH, rape and serious aggression are tendencies that maybe should be noted for future reference.
Oh, Bill, I can "hear the exhaustion and frustration in your message. How I wish you could get at least a temp caregiver in for the nights, if nothing more. Please take care of you until Sis gets there (and thank goodness, she's coming.
The 911 call over the nuggets is incredibly stupid and I hope the woman was fined for doing so. The Best Buy fiasco is no better. Good grief.
As to the update on the Avery story, I agree that juvinile record sealing should be case by case. There's a huge difference between a foolish mistake and rape! That kind of aggressive behavior at that age is hard to rehabilitate, from everything I've read. He should never have been allowed in a position where he was dealing with children, especially not one-on-one.
((Hugs)) and please take care of yourself, as much as possible for the rest of this week, until relief arrives.
Bill - these are hard days for everyone for different reasons. In your heart, you will always know you did everything for your mother you could. Someday, at least, you won't have any guilt about all the care and love you've given your mother when she needed you the most.
There was a time I sat with my mother when she was very ill. I was there from 7 a.m. until midnight every day except for taking a lunch break for months. She told everyone I was never there...when in fact I gave her all my time.
I know it can and must be frustrating, but right now she needs you and I know you're doing everything you can to help her.
When I took care of my mother, I felt it was a privilege and wish I could have done more. It must be hard on you - but sometimes you have to reach out to others and ask for help because you have a life too and need to take care of yourself - because no one else will.
I'm frustrated by the news story about the boy that was hit by a car while attending a Blazer game who has Downs Syndrome. The news reports say the family has no health insurance because COBRA benefits ran out when the husband lost his job.I don't know their whole story but there is the Oregon Health Plan and the Oregon Medical Insurance Pool for families like that. Now, the taxpayers will be left with the cost. I know other families who have children, upper to middle class, drive fancy cars in fancy houses, have children but no health insurance. Where's their responsibility to their kids? There was a time I too didn't have health insurance, but became aware of the two plans mentioned above. How can parents not put the health and well-fare of their children as a priority? The mother of the Downs Syndrome child appeared on TV - had her hair colored with a weave which costs $$, but no health insurance? As I said, I don't know the whole story, but it thoroughly upsets me when I see people without health insurance when Oregon has two good plans to help people. Enough of my rant!
All the best.
Hi Pat
I am trying real hard to take care of myself and this is the first time this tax season that I can hardly wait for Friday!
No Pat, when we care for an elderly the pressure changes but it never goes a way. We are in this together!
The chicken nugget lady was given a citation for misusing 911. I actually hope she goes to jail for one night. Or maybe be sentenced to community service to be served at the local 911 center.
The 1000% would be a red flag to most people with a brain.
I said case by case for the same reasons you gave!
Bill
Hi Dr
Mom is talking about going back to Utah with my sister after they are here for a week. It would be heaven for me for a couple of weeks, hell for mom! I don't think it will happenn.
I think the women will go to court for the charges and I hope they nail her butt to the wall.
Rape, manslaughter, etc. the records shouldn't be sealed some of the other stuff we all do when we are young, just don't get caught. That shouldn't stay on the record.
It now is only 68 hours until sister gets here!
Bill
Hi Red
It is messages like this one that I am glad you found the blog and became part of the blog family.
If something happens to Mom my guess is I will feel guilty no matter what. It is in my genes.
What a wonderful daughter you were to be beside your mom and it is just a shame that she didn't recognize you were there. It is a privilege to take care of elderly relatives.
The story about the boy bothered me too. From the news reports about the boy, I think I may know him from one of the restaurants I go too he helps out. The Blazers are taking donations at tonight's game to help out with the medical bills.
However, I agree with your about parents priorities. The woman with the colored hair did misdirect funds that really should have been used the for the son's care.
I liked your rant!
Bill
Oh, yeah, Mom going back to Utah with Sis -- like you, I don't see it happening. Sis doesn't know what all is invovled, Mom's doctors are all in Portland, she and Sis are at sixes and sevens as often as not... sorry, hon, I don't see any respite there, quite frankly, although I'd love to see you ahve some time "off."
In total agreement with your comment on the 911 call and the junvie records. Hang in there, Bill. AT least you'll get a week's respite, hopefully, and sometimes that means the world, I've discovered!
Redwhistle - I agree with your outrage. While I realize it takes a village and there are many who need help with health care costs and insurance, there are too many who have their priorities skewed. It has been thus for some time... back in the sixties I worked in a dental office, making enough money I could take the bus to work and pay rent, if I ate a lot of peanut butter and did my laundry in the bathtub most of the time. The law required we server "x" number of welfare cases at no charge or minimal charge to the county. THese people came in fresh from manicures and app'ts with hairdressers, dressed better than I could afford. Priorities... where did they go?
I think there are times -- such as those in which we find ourselves now -- when we each need to reach out and do what we can, share what we have, support missions and foodbanks and so forth. I also think there are issues of responsibility and priorities and using common sense.
I have just deleted a long rant about parents getting older and so focused on their own needs that they can't see how we're just about at the end of our ropes. Mine isn't as bad as yours, but believe me, I feel your pain. Hang in there. Six more weeks. We can do this.
Hi DR
Sis did live with mom for a while so she does have an inklinng for what it takes but mom has gotten worse since then and requires a little more so it would be a tad of an eye opener.
I am just going to repeat your following statement because I like it so much:
"I think there are times -- such as those in which we find ourselves now -- when we each need to reach out and do what we can, share what we have, support missions and foodbanks and so forth. I also think there are issues of responsibility and priorities and using common sense."
Bill
Hi Mary
Darn I wanted to hear the rant!
You parents aren't as old as mind but they will get there! Fair warnng,
I will be glad when the 15th is here!
Bill
Let's try this one more time, since I couldn't get in earlier... I'm sure some pearls of wisdom have been forgotten in the interim.
Pat, I meant to comment that I agree with you. The pressure may ease, it may change, but it never goes away. I suspect that if the long-term resolution is that Mom goes to AZ, the pressure will still be there, just change to biting my tongue a lot and letting Deb be in charge.
Bill, glad you liked my armchair philosophy. It was a combination response to my concerns about the current situation and Red whistles's story about the car incident.
Also sounds like Sis is kinda in the same postion as Deba and sibs. They see her once a year. They have no idea. I think Bro got a glimmer when he was here for three days in September. I don't thing Rho "gets it" because Mom forced her self to "go and do" and then I spent a month trying to get her back on her feet with twice daily visits. Deb, I'm afraid, is getting a real education. Not sure where it's going.
Sis was there for Christmas, right? A lot has happened in the last couple monhts. I'm sending lots of hugs and positive thoughts and prayers your diredtion right now.
Hi Dr
Only 36 more hours until Sis arrives!
Sad news about the story that Red told. The boy that was hit died.
If your mom decided to come back to the East Coast for good I am betting that Deb will be a lot easier to communicate with!
Sis was her for the hilidays. Thanks for the hugs and positive thoughts they are needed!
Bill
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