OK, Good followers of The Dahn Report I need you to help me recover from a dating snafu by taking my mind off of my faux paux by telling me about what is going on in your life! Tell me everything!
I've been caring for Mom for over five years now. A lot of things I do for her have become a habit. Mom has arthritis in both shoulders. She is so much pain that when she gets in the car she can't fasten her seat belt. I cannot tell you the number of times I have taken Mom out in the car during the last five years, to family events, grocery shopping, to doctors' appointments, to lunches and dinners. Each time I open the car door for Mom to let her get in the car, walk around to the driver's seat, get in the car, reach over and pull mom's seat belt up and over her shoulders and fasten it for her. Very routine. OK, so I have a date. I open the car door for the lady, go around get in the driver's seat, reach over and start to pull up the seat belt up over her shoulders and fasten it for her. OOPS. I'm looking forward to my next first date.
My update is one movie, some dinners out, two nights at Mom's, and a tersee conversatuion with the main caregiver. Three out of that last four days that she was supposed to be at Mom's she hasn't kept her committment. Thursday she was three hours late, Saturday she couldn't be there, Sunday she has to leave. When I talked to her on the phone I got "I don't really want the job I am just doing it as favor to you and your mom so your mom can stay in her own home." Yes, and as a favor to use she is cashing the checks we give her. I told very bluntly that if she didn't want the job we would find somebody else because we are paying her to do a job and she seems to have to many other things going on to keep doing us such a big favor. I came to a realization, that the real reason often times I can't plan things isn't Mom, it is the caregiver. So where I am at, is I am starting to look for a new caregiver, the old one will stay until we find someone else. In addition my Mom has said she would like to try staying alone. I've been promoting that idea for five years so I am all for it. It would make mom feel more independent. It would be cheaper. It would be easier on me. And I think my Mom can do it as long as she has the help of MedAlert. I will keep you posted.
Some TV Updates. Who Wants To Be A Millionaire with Regis Philbin returns to ABC tonight at 8 PM, & 7 PM Central Time. Top Chef Masters is down to its final four. Anita Lo, Michael Chiarello, Rick Bayless and Hubert Keller. I am rooting for my man Hubert but think Bayless will come away with the trophy. One of the challenges this week is for the cooks to cook blindfolded! The next season of Top Chef starts August 19. My hopes of a Top Chef Portland were dashed by the advertisement of this season's Top Chef as Top Chef Las Vegas.
I know most of you are married but in your dating days are there any dating snafus that you would like to tell us about? Love to hear of dating snafus from the single women too. Are you watching Millionaire tonight? If you watch Top Chef Masters who do you think will win and does that match with who you think will win? But more important than the answers to any of these questions is what is going on in your life! Update me! Post about anything you damn well please! The blog is now yours!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
12 comments:
Funny story about your automatic "help" for your date. Hardly a deal-breaker, though, assuming you explained why you were so helpful. {g}
Will I watch MILLIONAIRE with Philbin? Absolutely not! I can't stand him and am baffled by his longevity on TV.
I don't have a real favorite on MASTERS, so whoever wins is fine with me. I just love their civility and helpfulness to each other as opposed to the regular TOP CHEF contestants.
Nothing new to report. Same old same old. Well, except for one weirdness. When I arrived for a visit a couple of days ago, somebody told me they'd had a report that "Pat had complained about a smell in her mom's room". They had been over, sniffing away and found nothing, so they asked me. I was totally baffled, because I had never noticed a smell in there and had certainly never reported anything like that. I can only assume it must have been a garbled message regarding some other visitor. We never did figure it out, as nobody else's room smelled, either.
Your caregiver absolutely deserves to be fired. She should have her pay docked for the times she wasn't there for whatever reason. I hope you find someone better right away. And I also hope staying alone sometimes works out for your mom. It would probably be a relief for her, and the MedAlert thing will keep her safe.
I recently changed one of my night caregivers. The woman from the agency was causing too much drama, between arguing with night staff and phone calls to me by both of them. The new one is pretty young, but I think she'll do a good job. Fingers crossed there. My regular 5 night a week caregiver is still perfect as far as I know.
Hi Pat
It was kind of a deal breaker because even though I was extremely embarassed by it, I could see the humor in it but instead of a chance to explain I got "I fasten my own damn seat belt." Kind of set the tone for the rest of the evening. Humor is so important to me. If I had gotten a chance to explain and a laugh it might have worked out!
If I was a contestant would you watch Millionaire then? You would be my opera lifeline.
Like you I love the respect the chefs on Top Chef Masters have for each other and I was applauding when Michael told a judge "Yes, I was cooking more for Rick then you."
Wow that was weird. Maybe they assumed it was you because you are the most dedicated relative of the residents thay have. I hope the smell or the mystery will solve itself!
Mom wouldn't have to stay alone every night, I'd stay there sometimes, my nephew is there four nights one week, three nights another. The current caregive is actually causing higher blood pressure in mom then staying alone would, imho.
Crossing fingers that your new young caregiver works out!
Bill
Oh, Bill, I had to smile at your bit about the car seat, although I frowned at the response from your date. Actually, in a lot of Women's fiction (not romance), you read of they guy doing that and the woman thinking it's a caring gesture. I'd say this woman is one I'd consider striking from my list, unless she has a lot of redeeming qualities. A simple "Thank you" would have been a good response on her part.
It's been so long since I dated, I'm not sure I can remember any snafus, although there must have been a lot of them. I do remember one guy who was Really Tall (almost 7') and when he tried to kiss me goodnight, he ended up picking me up and putting me on the top porch step to accomplish it (g). Once I mixed up times and greeted my date in my housecoat, fresh from the shower, and he had to wait until I got myself together. Mostly, though, stuff that happened ended up being funny.
I sure hope you can find a new caretaker soon and that while you're looking you and Mom figure out just what you need. With your nephew there as often as you say, she's not alone many nights. If she wants to be independent, I'm glad you're encouraging her. Maybe if you could get a caretaker who took care of things like the cleaning, being sure she has a mid-day meal and takes her on some of errands would free up more of your time, give your Mom a sense of independence, yet she knows you're there for doctors and such. Have you and she made a list of what she needs a caregiver for and when? In retrospect, with MedAlert and all, if we could have found someone to clean weekly, take Mom grocery shopping and do other errands and be sure she had one good meal most days, leaving me with doctor app'ts and laundry and social visits and periodic lunches/dinners out, the last few years would have been a lot easier.
My week's been one of adjustments and kinda scattered. Lengthy lists of things I want to do. Accomplishing stuff that's been neglected. Realizing I have to set aside editorial time, despite wanting to do a hundred other things. Did get set up with Social Security, although I have to dig through some old records, to see if there's an error in their accounting, but I can do that when I have time and it'll be retroactive. Cleared some of the clutter that I brought up from Mom's, still running errands for her and gathering information for her, but I think that's mostly done. Went to the guitar jam for the first time in a year and will continue to go until my teaching interferes in September. Interesting to find I've time now to do so many things I've not done for a while, from organizing to baking. Made two kinds of cookies and brownies and took a plate to Joe as a housewarming (he moved into Mom's apt), but didn't get to see any of the others. Al will probably faint when he comes home and finds cookies and brownies (g). I'm actually still pretty scattered, but that's okay. Just taking time to see where I'm going and when and why.
Hi DR
In today's world fastening the seat belt of a woman is often considered demeanng to that woman. The offending party, me, is often considered a sexist pig, I am not that, just a programmed idiot.
I love your dating stories! Especially the bathrobe one and the tall guy one!
The thing about the caretaker if we don't have that expense of her we can afford a housekeeper once or twice a month and someone to do errands for mom. And still come out financially ahead.
I imagine you will be going through and adjust period for a long time. Also healing takes time. Getting reacquinted with yourself takes time.
How thoughtful of you to take Joe a housewarming gift! I bet he was happy to see you, and I can taste the brownies all they way here in Oregon.
Bill
I actually think it was a sweet thing to do and I can understand you doing it. As for the remark from the date, I think it was a bit rude as well. I say she just wasn't the one for you in the first place. Guess you have to keep looking.
I think it would have been a funny first date story to tell in later years...oh well, she is the one missing out.
Well, call me old-fashioned, but I wouldn't have considered someone fastening my seatbelt as sexist.
I'll bet you and your mom would both feel more independent if you could go with a housekeeper and someone to run errands with her, so your time together was quality and fun (except for necessary doc app'ts). Hope you can work something positive out for both of you.
Yes, there will be ongoing adjustments. Talked to Mom tonight, but it was largely a non-conversation. Did learn Deb's still not sharing emails -- since she can send them, I have to assume she can receive them -- as Mom didn't know I straightned out the charter billing or returned the box or that she'd be getting a refund check. IT will all settle in time.
As to taking Joe cookies -- I promised I wouldn't abandon them. I'll likely stop by once a week or so, on the way home from the pool, just to say "hi." Mom said Noreen has already called with the HR gossip and saying how she misses Mom.
Tip on brownies -- I forgot to mix in the pecans, which I always add to box brownies, so I sprinkled them all over the top, just before baking. Worked like a charm. May always do it that way in future.
Hi Dona
You always make me feel good about myself and I treasure your for it!
Bill
Hi DR
Just opening the door for her is a task you wonder about in today's world. I open the car door not because it is for a woman but because I do it for everyone.
Mom is really leaning that direction now and sister is supporting it too!
I think it is kind of controlling for Deb not to share your emails with her. You know we have been talking about your adjustments but I bet your mom is having one heck of a time adjusting to you not being her rock.
I need to go back to recording kindness because you stopping by Joe's once a week would certainly qualify.
Interesting tip on the pecans.
Bill
Oooo, your date was, er, feisty! In thinking about it further, if on a first date the guy got in the car and then reached over for my seatbelt, I'd probably think he was going for a premature kiss. Once I knew it was the seatbelt, I might well say something like, er, I'm familiar with seatbelts. That would be your cue to laugh and explain and we'd both have a good laugh over it. It might even become a running joke. So I'd say this date was not the woman for you.
If you were a contestant, I would even watch Regis Philbin for you. {g}
Yes, the smell thing was weird, especially in light of the fact that none of the rooms were smelly. Maybe someone had just been to the bathroom or something, I don't have a clue.
A new caregiver with a little independence thrown in sounds like a good solution. At least for now. My new caregiver reported today that mom has slept like a log for two nights now. Hope she doesn't get overconfident. {g}
Hi Pat
I wouldn't even think of going for the premature kiss, I have a hard enough time thinking about the good night kiss!
Wheww, I was a little worried about millionaire, so now I can keep trying to get on.
That seems to be the thing with caregivers they get to confident.
Bill
I'm sure Mom is making adjustments, too. Catching up on rest and sleep, but still dealing with the emotions of living with Deb, since she vowed she'd never expect any of her children to "house her" in her old age. I was just sort of ... disappointed, I guess, when I told her I missed her a lot and got no response. OTOH, she has someone listening to her conversations and I don't and she'd never do anything to hurt Deb's feelings. And she's had her own place, lived on her own, since Daddy died in '78, so I can't imagine what it must be like to move into someone else's house and try to make room for yourself and your belongings, while trying not to be intrusive or unsettling or whatever. Back to the myriad reasons I'd hoped Deb would move here and they could find a "new" place to share together. What is, is. Please keep both of them in your prayers. The movers deliver tomorrow and then the fun will really begin (wry s).
Hi DR
We not only have the same mother we may have the same sister!
If when my mom was in Utah she had said in front of my sister that she missed it would have been pout city for a day or two.
Bill
Post a Comment