The contest deadlines are as follows, August 5, 2009:
Pacific Daylight Savings Time 7 AM
Mountain Daylight Savings Time 8 AM
Central Daylight Savings Time 9 AM
Eastern Daylight Svings Time 10 AM
If you remember a while back I had my six month blood test and there were two thyroid tests, one showed as normal and one showed as a little elevated. The game plan was to be tested again in three months and reevaluate as to what to do. Well, today I get the results of the second test. Wish me luck for a normal test!!
Remember the faith healing trial that I wrote about on the blog a while back? Due to religious beliefs that only believes in faith healing parents of a five year-old girl failed to get her medical attention when she was ill and the girl died. The parents went on trial for child endangerment. The wife was acquitted, the husband was convicted of a lesser crime. They sentenced the father this week to two months in jail and five years probation. During the probation they have to seek medical attention for their remaining child and for the child to be born in a couple of months during that five years. Failure to seek medical attention of either child will void the probation and the father will serve the five years in prison. To light of sentence in my book.
Last night was my first night at Mom’s in almost a month. What the time away did was several things. Helped me to become of aware of things regarding both my mental and physical health that I need to watch out for. Then last night when I was there it made me acutely aware of some personality changes that occurred in me while being there. I didn’t really think I resented having to go over their last night, in fact I was kind of looking forward to it. But when I got there my personality changed almost immediately. I became irritated a little quicker than normal, a little quicker to respond negatively to things, and so on. Now that I am aware of those changes I can temper them. I mean it isn’t Mom’s fault that she needs help. I need to really just go with the flow a little more when I am at her house.
Speaking of being irritated and responding negatively to things I am becoming more and more annoyed by grocery store clerks, bank tellers, retail clerks that don’t know me calling me sweetheart, honey, dear, and a myriad of close up and personal terms. I mean if I called a strange woman one of those endearing terms in the presence of my sister or my mom my voice would be permanently raised several octaves. And it just isn’t the older clerks, it is both clerks older and younger than I am and sometimes the same age. Once in a great while I think it is a compliment, especially when they don’t call the dude before me or after me in line by the same term. But most often it annoys me. I suppose maybe I resent just a little not be able to do something to women that they can get away doing to me. My guess it is no doubt a case of “he doth protest to much,” What is the woman’s viewpoint? Here is a marvelous chance to put me in my place!
Looking forward to more contest entries. Do you think the sentence in the faith healing trial was to lenient, to severe, or just right? Have any exercises for me to do temper my reactions at my mom and be the same happy go lucky guy that I am every place but there? Do you call strange men honey, dear, sweetheart. Am I way off base here? Should I just shut my mouth and enjoy it?
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16 comments:
The sweetie/honey thing bothers me, too - but we live in the South, so it's pervasive, of long-standing, and permanent. Where we go for lunch on Thursdays (with a regular group), the waitress who usually gets our table calls everybody - male/female/regardless of age - "darling".
It's just the same thing as "you", less formal than "ma'am" or "sir", and infinitely better than some of the conservative Christian terms used around here.
First, faith healing. My gut reaction is that both parents should be horsewhipped, but that's clearly impractical. A short prison sentence is okay with me, but I'd make the probation and the requirement to get medical care for the children last until the children attained majority.
Don't know what to advise about reaction to your mom. In my case, all annoyance is gone (well, almost all) because it's clear she has no control over anything. I guess a modified version of that might help you. Your mom is who she is, and is too old to change, plus you can't be sure which annoying traits are because of mental/physical decline. I know you try to give her the benefit of a doubt, and that's about all you can do.
I never call anybody not related to me "honey, sweetheart, dear", or any version of the above. It may be a regional thing, and I do remember the old Hollywood "darling" being tossed about many years ago (not by me). You're right that women can do it but men must proceed with extreme caution, and I don't blame you for being annoyed at that.
Hi Mary Z
Good insight on the regional thing. I really haven't noticed it before the last few months. Now it seems to be and epidemic.
Bill
Hi Pat
When you put in the factor that something like 18 kids have died in that faith over the last fifteen to twenty years because of not getting medical care my gut reaction is the same as yours. That and take all IRS benefits away from the church that nonprofits get.
I'm glad you annoyances with your mom are gone and mine will be soon. I'm just slower than you.
I never call anyone honey either. Interesting about the Hollywood scene, I never thought of that either.
Bill
Sending positive thoughts for a normal thyroid test. I've been taking meds for mine since 1989 and Skeeter's been on thyroid meds for three or four years (like mother, like daughter?)
As to the faith healing trial and sentence... first I think the sentence is too light, in terms of time, but the flip side is it may be necessity for hubby to work to support the family was taken into consideration. I agree with Pat on horsewhipping. I think BOTH parents should have been put on probation and that the dictum on medical care should have been extended until *any* children of the marriage each reach eighteen and can make their own choices.
I hear you on the personality change. At least you're now aware of it, although altering it may be a slow process. I think resentment and frustration come with the territory, some days more than others. I know I used to change and I thought for a variety of reasons -- one, sometimes it was the time involved, often it was that Mom was so negative and much conversation was aches and pains and what was wrong, some of which could have been alleviated by following doctor's suggestions. We didn't often hold conversations about what I was doing, although the Cubs figured greatly in talking. And, I think it's also hard to see our parents failing in various areas of health. While it's good to be needed, it's also exhausting emotionally and sometimes physically to handle what needs doing. The last many months, remember my mantra (what is, is; observe, accept, don't judge) proved to be somewhat helpful.
Honey (g), I've lived in the south over twenty years and "honey" seems to be a standard term applied to anyone, male or female here, although not the others you mention. As Mary Z said, down here it's a regional thing. Haven't picked up the habit myself, but it's a fact of life. Interesting thing is, the women call me honey, the men -- regardless of age -- generally call me ma'am, even when they know my name sometimes. That took a little getting used to, as I didn't think I was old enough to be a ma'am (wry s).
Hi DR
You thoughts worked my thyroid came back normal! I have to have it checked again in six weeks. But three out of the last four tests have been normal so I am pretty sure no medication will be required!
I think the church supports the couple, it is a commune type of thing. According to the jury foreman the recent they didn't convict the wife was twofold, she is pregnant and they didn't want her serving time in jail in that condition and that in this religion the man's word is final. Wife's cannot dispute their masters.
Resentment a lot of times with me because rather then tell me the truth she will lie about something rather than admitting that she fell (I just slipped, it doesn't happen that often) , forgot her medication(you told me not to take it, I did to take the medication, the doctor told me to stop taking it). Nothing angers me more than dishonesty and especially when I need the truth to properly care for someone. And mom is negative which brings me down so we have that in common.
You are definitely to young to be calle maam! Men don't really call me anything her, maybe sir once in a while but almost always by the fairer sex I get called these endearing names.
Bill
Ok now for my 2 cents.
First of all LUCK is being sent your way for your results. I'll pray for you too!
I think I agree with all here on the sentence being too light. And I think all too often when both parents are involved I think the women get off too easy. Horsewhipped sounds pretty good to me for both.
As for the irritating feelings you seem to be having since having some ME time for a few weeks...I think it must be normal. The Shankster has been going through it since a few months after mom passed. I don't know what the answer is exactly. He knows as you do, the things have to be done and he has to be here, but some of the smallest things will irritate him to no end. What works sometimes for him is to just get away for a bit by himself. I also have a trick up my sleeve for my dizziness, and that is to start counting or doing math in my head. I told him to do it once and he said sometimes it gets his mind off whatever it was that made him so irritated. SO you are ok...just like the rest of us.
Bill, taking IRS benefits away is a great thought! I'd take tax exemptions away from all churches if I could. On everything except maybe pastor salary, sanctuary, and charitable deeds. But especially I'd take them away from any church that even mentioned politics to congregants.
One interesting thing about elders' negativity... that used to bug me about my mom, but since she's gone away mentally, she's not negative any more, or rarely. Once in a while, she'll say "I'm discouraged today", but mostly if you ask how she is or how the day has gone, she'll say "fine".
I actually only knew one person who called others "darling", and it amused me because it was such a Hollywood cliche.
Hi Dona
I always love your 2 cents!
The luck worked my thhroid came back normal!
Well if I am like you and the Shankster then I am in good company!
Thanks for the supportive message, it is appreciated. I am thinking of math problems as I am writing this.
Bill
Hi Pat
Do I ever agree with you about taking IRS exemptions from churches that preach politics from the pulpit. It isn't that I am agaisnt relgion, it is that I am for separation of church and state. Let's start with James Dobson.
Now that you mention it, my dad was never negative. Like your mom he was always great.
Bill
Oh and I forgot about the annoying things people call you....Actually, I don't find it all that bad. And if you had asked the Shankster, well, I think he loves it. Makes him feel a little special. But now this is a man without any parents for quite some time now and one that was raised in a children's home...so any sweetness out of anybody that is expressed towards him is well received.
I think some can be annoying without a doubt, especially if you have never been around this person.
So I wonder, if maybe you should just take them all as compliments?
Smile back and say Thank you. Just maybe you will make someone's day.
Hi Dona
Sometimes I do like it, especially when she doesn't refer to others in the line the same way.
Even when I don't like it I either just smile or extend my hand out and say "I'm Bill, nice to meet you." Then hopefully in the future they call me by my name.
Bill
Yes, I understand the resentment about not being totally truthful. I'm sure Mom wouldn't have told me about falls (and probably didn't always), if I hadn't caught her in the act a couple times or seen the results once or twice. Which is why we got the MedAlert system. And the medication thing drove me nuts -- not only her taking/not taking stuff, because she (a) didn't pay attention to instructions, (b) didn't think she needed it, (c) was tired of taking so many pills. She'd complain about pain, then admit she'd not taken any pain medication, for example. Or she only took the daily antihistimine (which was to prevent sinus problems) when she felt really "stuffy." That and the calls at night saying I needed to pick up prescriptions the next day, because she was filling her cases and was out of (whatever). Like she didn't notice there was only one pill left when she filled them last week? It's the little stuff that becomes time consuming and screws up any schedule you may have, no?
The ma'am no longer bothers me. Southern boys are taught to call anyone who Might Be Older than them Ma'am, anyone for whom they provide a service is Ma'am and I think it just translates to any female, including aunts and mothers. To be honest, it's nice to see manners!
Hi DR
I am glad the ma'am no longer bothers you. Like you I like good manners whenever I see them!
We have the same mom. All for the reasons that you said in your post and you can add one more for my mom. She will at times refuse to take pain medication because she doesn't to get addicted to them.
Bill
Bill, we've always suspected we had the same mom or at least exact clones. One day Mom doesn't want to get addicted (like this is an issue at over ninety?) and the next day she doesn't want to rely on pain relievers to get through the day (so it's better to be miserable?)
What's interesting is the research I did writing the cancer book, where the majority opinion held that addiction to pain killers taken for "real" pain was a myth. Addiction occurs when the patient begins to rely on the artificial personality/emotional "highs" the drugs can create. Research has proven that "addictive" medications taken for true pain relief lose necessity for a patient when the pain is no longer a factor. I'm anecdotal prove of that, since they had me on fiornal -- a highly addictive drug -- for migraines, and darvocet and other stuff that's considered addictive, but I didn't need it except when the migraines struck and haven't used it in years, since the migraines backed off. Now, on the rare occasion of a migraine, a bit of codiene, combined with a muscle relaxer, puts me right in 12 hours, with no "drug hangover." A chiropractic adjustment resolves any lingering problems. Now, try to tell that to our moms!
Hi DR
Can you believe it? Two ninety year-old women worried about being addicted to drugs? Mom's doctor kind of laughed at that, she didn't it gently but she laughed.
Interesting stuff about addiction to pain medication. I think I will print it out and give it to mom.
Bill
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