Lame Jokes & Google This

The answer to yesterday’s question was Loretta Young. Today’s who am I is titled “Google This” and appears at the end of the today’s blog entry.

Since my creative spirit seems to be on vacation I am doing lame jokes today. The following are from today’s Edge Column in The Oregonian. You can always read the Oregonian at Oregonlive.com:

Did you hear that a boat carrying red paint crashed with a boat carrying blue paint? Both crews were marooned.

A policeman stopped a man who was walking along with an alligator and ordered him to take him to the zoo at once. The next day the policeman saw the same man walking along with the same alligator. “I thought I told you to take the alligator to the zoo” “I did and today I am taking him to the movies.”

Then there was the man that named his two dogs Rolex and Timex. They were watchdogs.

Two jokes from http://www.ajokeaday.com/Clasificacion.asp?ID=22:

Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom and stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately orderedher to be discharged from the hospital as he now considered her to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Mary the news he said, "Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."

Next joke:

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, this driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back -- wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem? "Ma'am," the officer replies, you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers. Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-two miles an hour! "The old woman says a bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that 22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time, "the officer asks. Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."

Now today’s question of the day:

I was born in 1916 and am still alive. I was married for over sixty years to my husband. We had three children, two boys and a girl. The eldest, my daughter is in real estate, but early in her career she was an editor of contracts for Hughes Aircraft. She just finished helping her own daughter finish a novel which an agent is currently shopping. My oldest son is an attorney although he us no longer in Oregon, he claimed fame there by being the first attorney to sue a rapist in “civil court” and win a judgment for the victim. My youngest son is also a professional and is probably the most loyal to me. My two eldest children are happily married but my youngest son has yet to meet a woman smart enough to snap him up. I’ve often said he would be the best spouse of my three children. I like to read and read many books a week. I also like to play games because like books they challenge my mind and keep me active. During my life I have been a teacher. Teaching all grades in a one room school house in South Dakota. I also worked with my husband in two of his business, a roofing company, and a hardware store. Not to mention I also helped my youngest son in his office, he often said I was the best help that he ever had. Before it became to painful for me to hold a paint brush I was a budding artist paintubg under the name Camilla, which is my middle name. While some museums wanted to display my work, I was just to embarrassed to display my art work because I just didn’t think it was good enough. I painted the following picture at age eighty and one of my sons proudly displayed it in his office. The picture is now proudly displayed in his home. I am stunned that he has been offered as much a two hundred dollars for it:





Google This! Who Am I?

Got any new jokes today? Do you like any of the above jokes? If so which one do you like best?

Announcing A New Contest!

The answer to yesterday’s question is the amazing, lovable, and beautiful Audrey Hepburn. One of the hints in the blurb about Hepburn was about a movie, WAIT UNTIL DARK. For you younger ones if you haven’t seen that movie, go rent it for a night, put your kids to bed, pop some popcorn, snuggle up to your spouse on the couch, and don’t hold the popcorn on your lap because there is one scene in there that will cause you to jump and the popcorn will go flying. It is a movie without blood or bad language and despite that one of the most frightening movies that you will ever see.

I am announcing a new contest on The Dahn Report. It will start on August 1, 2009 at 7 A.M. Pacific Daylight Time and will end on August 5, 2009 at 7 AM Pacific Daylight Time. Anyone that has ever posted a comment on The Dahn Report since its inception or anyone that posts a comment on The Dahn Report between now and August 1, 2009 at 7 AM Pacific Daylight Time will be an eligible participant. Eligible participants will be allowed one entry and one entry only. Because this time only one entry is allowed the ante is upped. The winning entry will get to choose their $50 gift card from the following gift cards: Starbucks, Baja Fresh, Red Robin, Outback, Macy’s Nordstrom, Old Navy, and Home Depot. Second place will get to choose a $25 gift card from the aforementioned gift cards. The test will consist of thirty question among numerous subjects including BUT NOT LIMITED to trivia, who am I, where am I, what do these three things have in common, about items posted on The Dahn Report maybe even about things about me you have learned about me or other posters on The Dahn Report. Because the prize value has been upped the questions may very well be harder than they were on previous contests.

Today’s Who Am I? I was born in 1913 and died in 2000. I was born as Gretchen in Salt Lake City, Utah but at confirmation changed my name to Michaela. I did use the name Gretchen in my first film, but changed my name to an easier name to pronounce after a couple of films. After moving to California both of my sisters worked as child actresses. I won three Emmys, two Golden Globes, and one Oscar. The owner of my The Dahn Report did help prepare my tax return one year when he was working for a CPA firm in the Los Angeles area.

At times in my career I worked hard making sever or eight movies a year. Whitney Houston once starred in a remake of one of my movies. From 1953 to 1961 I starred in a television show that was titled with my name. My sweeping" trademark appearance at the beginning of each show was to appear dramatically in various high fashion evening gowns. She returned at the program's conclusion to restate to the viewer the moral of the story just seen. (My introductions and conclusions to my television shows, which were widely satirized at the time, are not rerun on television because I had it legally stipulated that they not be; because I didn't want to be seen in "outdated" wardrobe and hairstyles.)

I had an affair with the famous Clark during which I became pregnant. I hid the pregnancy at the time and had the baby in Europe. I said the child was adopted and she then took the last name of my second husband, Lewis. I also later had an affair with the actor that the owner of The Dahn Report’s father was often confused with. Spenser was well-known at the time and did several movies with the famous Kathryn.

I am the Godmother of Danny’s daughter, Marlo. After I retired from movies I dedicated my time to charity, often working together with my friend Jane Wyman, My daughter wrote a biography called UNCOMMON KNOWLEDGE, during which she states she didn’t know Clark was her real dad until 1958.

I died of ovarian cancer in Santa Monica, California in 2000. Who Am I?

May this be a winning day for all of you! Are you ready to have a contest that may include questions that you can’t Google?

Dinner Guest List, My Favorite Who Am I?

The answer to yesterday's question was former Supreme Court justice, Byron "Whizzer" White. Today's question is at the end of the blog.

Sometimes I review old blog writings and in doing so I found an entry at the time when there were few readers and fewer posters. Since there are more readers and posters now I am going to use that post again today. It is called "Dinner Guest List". What you do is name five people, famous or not, dead or alive, that you would like to invite to dinner. You do have my permission to break the rules and list more than five since that is what I am going to do:

The famous folks:

Audrey Hepburn - Classy. Beautiful. Interesting.

Thomas Edison - An idol.

Sandra Bullock - I just think it would be fun to spend a couple of hours with her.

George Clooney - He just seems like a nice guy and I'd be happy with his leftovers.

RFK - "Some people see things as they are and ask why, I see things that never were and ask why not." Another idol.

The normal folks:

Phil - My roommate from college. He graduated and went to Vietnam. We exchanged many letters while he was there. Then we just lost touch. I am sure he is alive. Would love to meet up with him again.

Debbie - My cousin that died when she was 14. I tutored her in math the day before she died. I'd just want to tell her that although her life was short she influenced all those around her with her kind spirit.

Dad - Obvious reasons for the regular readers of this blog.

Aunt Ella - Just to say thank you.

Aunt Clara - She helped me choose a career path.

Now on to the question of the day. This is one of my favorites and I hope that you will be surprised at some of her background. I admit it is long but it is in my opinion as amazing as it is suprising:

I was born on May 4, 1929 and died of cancer on January 20, 1993. Although I thought was to tall or to fat to be attractive I was referred to as one of the most beautiful women in the world. A man nameed Cary once said "All I want for Christmas in another picture of you."

I was born in Brussels and spent much of my early childhood in the Netherlands. I spent six years in Nazi occupied Arnhem, Netherlands during World War II. Due to my experiences during World War II, I developed a passion for humanitarian work. During World War II I studied Ballet. I was born to my father and his royal second wife. My father changed our last name to the name his grandmoter's maternal last name. During the Nazi occupation of The Netherlands I temporily changed my name becuase having an English name was dangerous and sometimes deadly. In the most traumatic moments of my life, my father divorced my mom, became, and Nazi sympathizer. I secretly danced for groups of people to collect money for the Dutch resistance. I was once quoted as saying "The best audience I ever had made not a single sound at the end of my performances." During the war my half brother was in a German concentration camp. I became anemic and suffered malnutrition. More than once I was at the station seeing trainloads of Jews being transported, seeing all these faces over the top of the wagon. I remember, very sharply, one little boy standing with his parents on the platform, very pale, very blond, wearing a coat that was much too big for him, and he stepped on to the train. I was a child observing a child. I often passed the time during the war by drawing. My childhood drawings are now on diplsay in many areas.

I wanted to be a famous ballet dancer but when I asked my ballet teacher what my future hold I was told that although I would have a nice career that due my height and war time malnutrition I would never be a prima ballerina. I then changed to the career where I gained most of my fame. My first big job in my second career was with a dude that has the same last name as frequent poster on The Dahn Report. Greg was such a good dude that he called the producers and had my name listed first despite his fame. He wanted my name first because he correctly predicted I would win an academy award. During one movie I became Holden to William but dumped him when I found out he had had a a vasectomy. Kay Kendell's husband called me his favorite leading lady. Don't worry Rex and I didn't have an affair, I couldn't do that to my friend Kate. When I died the aforementiond Greg went on television and recited my favorite poem, "Undending Love".

The filming of the movie that the owner of The Dahn Report says has the most frigtening scene in it of any movie was very stressful for me to film not only being kept in the Dark but because the producer of the movie and I were going through a divorce at the time.

Other notes about me. I had two miscarriages before having my first child. While filming one firm I broke my back. I once sang happy birthday to JFK who said I was his favorite actress.

I nwas appointed a goodwill ambassador to the United Nations Children's Fund (UNICEF). Grateful for my own good fortune after enduring the German occupation as a child, I dedicated the remainder of her life to helping impoverished children in the poorest nations. Who Am I?

Hope today brings you happiness and that you enjoy an nice dinner alone or with friends. And if you could who would invite to dinner tonight?

Embarrassing Moments

The answer to yesterday's question was William Howard Taft. Since two of you commented on how easy that question was, we are going to try a little more difficult one today:

I was Born in Fort Collins, Colorado on June 8, 1917 and died in Denver, Colorado on April 15, 2002. Married to Marion in 1946 and we had two children, one girl and one boy. I went to the University of Colorado on a sports scholarship. I was an All American Halfback in football and served as senior class president. I also played basketball and baseball in college. I deferred my Rhodes Scholarship to Oxford University one year to play professional football for the NFL's Pittsburgh Steelers, leading the league in rushing and at the time becoming the highest paid player in football. I hate the nickname given to my by a columnist due to my amazing speed. Despite my hate of that nickname it would follow me through both my sports and legal career. In 1940 I returned form Oxford to once again play professional football, this time with the Detroit Lions. I retired from football after thirty-three games. I hold an embarrassing NFL record: While against the Los Angeles Rams in November of 1952, during a game I took a snap and ran backwards 51 yards towards my own goal fumbling at the 1-yard line, at which point the Rams recovered the ball in the end zone for a touchdown. To this day, it is still the biggest loss of yardage on a single play in NFL history. During WWII I was refused entry into the US Marines because of colorblindness. I still was able to serve my country as an intelligence officer in the US Navy. I graduated magna cum laude from Yale Law School in 1946. In the 1960's my first political appointment was as RFK''s second in command. On January 20, 1993 I administered the oath of office to the second banana of the United States. I believed strongly in affirmative action. When retiring I was touched by what one of my co-workers said about me, "He saw life steadily and he saw it whole. All of us who served with him will miss him." While Pat might think that the owner of The Dahn Report violated his promise not to use sports stars in his daily quiz, she would be judging him incorrectly as I served the fourth longest term of anyone in history in a job where I gained my most fame. Who Am I?

When researching this famous dude I was struck by how someone of his obvious intelligence could do something so dumb as to run the wrong way on a football field. That moment must have been on the news for a week after he did it. He must have felt awful about it. Yet he recovered from it and when on to make an impact on history in other arenas the rest of his life. This begs a question. Do you have an embarrassing moment that you have recovered from?

In sports I once scored two points for the opposing team in a basketball game. And it was the winning basket for the other team too. I was in junior high at the time and boy did I take a terrible amount of ribbing. However, by high school it was all forgotten when I set the record for points in a summer league basketball game. Other than my one and only attempt at roller skating reported on here http://thedahnreport.blogspot.com/2008/06/visit.html the winning basket for the wrong time ranks as my most embarrassing moment.

OK, confession is good for the soul. I told you an embarrassing moment in my life, tell me one in yours!

A New Contest & A Nice Fourth.

The answers to yesterday's questions:

Who proposed the resolution of independence on July 2, 1776? Richard Henry Lee of Virginia.

What date did most of the patriots sign the Declaration of Independence? Hint, it wasn't July 4, 1776? Most signed the Declaration of Independdence on August 2, 1776. There was so much confusion about the signing date and so much misreporting about the signing date that John Adams went to his grave sure it was signed on July 4, 1776

Name the three former presidents that died on July 4? John Adams and Thomas Jefferson both died on 7/4/1826; James Monroe died on 7/4/1831 and thanks to Pat's outstanding research Calvin Coolidge was born on 7/4/1872.

What state become the first state to celebrate July 4 as a state celebration? Massachusetts.

Where is the Declaration Of Independence stored, how many people visit it every day (within a 1000) and what happens to it at night? It is visited by 6,000 people per day at the National Archives in Washington, D.C. and at the end of each day it is lowered 22 feet into a vault.

Today a little more presidential trivia:

I was born September 15, 1857 and died March 8, 1930. I graduated from Yale and Cincinnati School of Law. I only served one term as head honcho of The United States. I founded The League to Enforce Peace. I met my future wife when I was 18. The Yale Debate Society, Skull and Bones, was co-founded by my father. In 1900, President William McKinley appointed me as the chairman of a commission to organize a civilian government in the Philippines. From 1901 to 1903, I served as the first civilian Governor-General of the Philippines. When President I appointed six judges to the US Supreme Court ranking third behind George Washinton (who appointed the entire court) and FDR. I am the first president to be buried in a place where a cousin of the owner of The Dahn Report is buried. Triple the weight of the smallest president and you would will come up with a number that wouldn't reach what I weighed as president but would exceed what I weighed after I left office. After my stint as president some people might have said I did a lot of judging. Who Am I?

OK, everyone be watching for an annoucnement of another contest here on The Dahn Report. It will be twenty-five to thirty questions from three things in common, trivia, Who am I?, Where Am I, and a myriad of other subjects. Anyone that has posted on The Dahn Report since inception will be able to participate. Also anyone that posts on The Dahn report from the time the contest is annoucned to the time the contest starts can play. Unlike the last contests, on this one you will only be allowed one entry.

How was everyone's Fourth of July? Everything was great here, everyone I snow still has all their fingers and hands afte the holiday. I didn't hear any reports of anyone's house buring down. We had a really had a nice time. I fixed a dynamite low-fat bbq lunch. We played some Scrabble and watched a tiny parade. I always enjoy being a host. It kind of goes against my shyness but when I am on my home court I can fake it!

Hope you are enjoying today!

Freedom Weekend Update

Happy 4th of July weekend. If the truth be known this is my least favorite holiday of the year. It isn’t that I don’t treasure our independence, the men that fought for it, and our right to be free. I do. It is that I don’t treasure a holiday that turns adults into idiots and children into managers of explosives. The emergency rooms will be filled with adults and children that held on to explosives to long or set off illegal ones that injured themselves or their son, daughters, or neighbors. The fire departments will be busy putting out fires started by the careless handling of fireworks. The roads will be filled with drunk drivers causing accidents. Loved family pets will get scared and run away never to be found again. Enough venting, let’s move on to Update Day. But first let’s welcome back the questions of the day with a special Fourth of July Edition:

Who proposed the resolution of independence on July 2, 1776?

What date did most of the patriots sign the Declaration of Independence? Hint, it wasn't July 4, 1776

Name the three former presidents that died on July 4?

What state become the first state to celebrate July 4 as a state celebration?

Where is the Declaration Of Independence stored, how many people visit it every day (within a 1000) and what happens to it at night?

As part of this week’s update tell me how you are going to celebrate the nation’s holiday. And if you would like to share an act of kindness please do so. That is in addition to the normal updates about your life, your elderly, your children, events attended or going to attend, books read or movies attended, concerns, joys, vent if you need to, and just post anything on your mind. No rules today.

I am going to celebrate the 4th with a small party at my home. Hot dogs, fruit salads, and chips. Mom and a couple of friends are coming over for lunch, a few games of Scrabble, some conversation, and then we will watch the little neighborhood parade that they have here.

As to last week? Read THE APPEAL by John Grisham. Not bad but not great. Went to the movie PUBLIC ENEMIES. Review on yesterday’s blog. Three days, two nights as a caregiver. Preparing two houses for a coming heat wave (mow lawns, water lawns, etc.). Shopping for two households. One dinner out, one lunch out. The lunch out was at new restaurant in King City called Biscuits. It was great. I Cooked a couple of meals, had one cooked for me. Rode with mom when she tried to drive. She did great. Walked with Mom when she tried the mobile wheelchair. She was a little nervous about the mobile wheelchair because of an incline to get out of the garage. Of course she did great but she did say the wheelchair scared her more than driving. Upcoming this week is a visit from my sister and THEN if everything goes to plan two weeks on my own because Mom is going back to Utah!

OK, enough about me. Your turn. Tell me about your life. Tell me all your secrets. If you are new or have been reading the blog for a while come on now introduce yourself. I mean if I can ride with a 93 year-old driver and survive you can post an introduction here and survive!

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY EVERYONE!!!

Public Enemies

Expectations were my downfall. Like an Internet date where she sends you her picture, you go to the date expecting to spend time with Ashley Judd and end up spending time with The Bearded Lady from the circus. That is they way it was for me with PUBLIC ENEMIES. I went expecting to spend my time with greatness and ended up spending my time with average.

In this movie goers opinion one of the best acted scene in any movie was the scene in THE DARK KNIGHT in the jail between Christian Bale’s Batman and Heath Ledger’s The Joker. It was tense, had tremendous chemistry between the actors, chilling, and exciting. There was no such scene in PUBLIC ENEMIES.

Directed by Michael Mann of THE AVIATOR fame and Staring Johnny Depp as John Dillinger, Christian Bale as FBI Agent Melvin Purvis, and the stunning Marion Cotillard as Dillinger’s girl friend, Billie Frechette. With numerous supporting performances including Billy Crudup as J. Edgar Hoover, Bill Camp as Frank Nitti, Stephen Graham as Baby Face Nelson, Channing Tatum as Pretty Boy Floyd, Giovanni Ribisi as Alvin Karpis, and my favorite supporting performance in the movie, Stephan Lang as the FBI agent that shot John Dillinger.

Here is part of the synopsis from Moviepone.com

“No one could stop Dillinger and his gang. No jail could hold him. His charm and audacious jailbreaks endeared him to almost everyone--from his girlfriend Billie Frechette to an American public who had no sympathy for the banks that had plunged the country into the Depression.”

“Hoover hit on the idea of exploiting the outlaw's capture as a way to elevate his Bureau of Investigation into the national police force that became the FBI. He made Dillinger America's first Public Enemy Number One and sent in Purvis, the dashing "Clark Gable of the FBI."

“However, Dillinger and his gang outwitted and outgunned Purvis' men in wild chases and shootouts. Only after importing a crew of Western ex-lawmen (newly baptized as agents) and orchestrating epic betrayals--from the infamous "Lady in Red" to the Chicago crime boss Frank Nitti--were Purvis, the FBI and their new crew of gunfighters able to close in on Dillinger.”

Back to me. Cotillard out acted the men in this movie, her performance was more than Oscar worthy, Bale’s performance was extremely close to Cotillard ‘s but in this person’s opinion Depp’s performance was average at best.

The movie is entertaining enough to justify its two hour and twenty-three minute length. It is a little violent, it is a gangster movie after all, it does lack drama, and at times is a little repetitive. I do love the era that the movie took place in and the movie captures that era in spades. The performance of Stephen Lang alone is worth the price of the ticket. Lange gives the best quote in the movie “Dillinger isn’t going to a Shirley Temple movie.” And together with Cotillard at the end of the movie gives the best acted scene in the movie, like the scene in THE DARK KNIGHT, taking place in a jail.

Two Footballs for Cotillard, one Football for Bale, one football for Lang, one football for the cinematography, and a minus two footballs for Depp who in my opinion didn’t live up to his absolutely amazing talent. A total of three footballs.

Go to PUBLIC ENEMIES expecting entertainment you will love the movie, go to PUBLIC ENEMES expecting greatness you will be disappointed.