Tuesday, December 2, 2008

What A Day!

The day started out with making a to do list of things I need to get done before I start the job on January 19th. Fifty-five items on the to do list!

I was in my backyard thinking what an idiot I was when I received the first phone call. More about the call later but the reason that I thought I was an idiot is the timing of letting my landscaper go. If you remember a couple of months back I saw the economy tanking and did some cost cutting measures like letting the housekeeper and landscaper go. I should have waited until after the leafs fell before letting the landscaper go. I have four big trees in my backyard. This morning I took out five big garbage bags of leaves and that hasn't even cut a dent into my leaf removal job. There has to be at least ten to fifteen more bags of leavess before my lawn is leaf free. So a person who usually gets dirty doing household chores because the ink from the yellow pages rubs off is knee deep in yard work. Why didn't I foresee this and wait a couple of months before tubing the landscaper? What an idiot.

The call was from my future employer. They don't want me to start January 19th. They want me to start tomorrow. Of course I said yes but wow does that ever put the pressure on to get things done!

Shortly after that call I got a second call. This one from Mom. Remember we had a caregiver move into Mom's house that we didn't ask to move in? We rolled with the punches and decided to let her stay there. We did make a deal with her at the time that when my sister visited from Utah then she would have to find another place to stay as long as my sister was here. She agreed to that. My sister and her husband are visiting on December 20th and leaving on December 27th. We have told the caregiver this maybe seven times in the last week, that she would have to find a place to stay from the 20th to the 27th. I mean first this lady moves in without asking us. Now she has really taken over the house and taken all the options we have with the house away from us. You would think she would be willing to work with us. Mom asked where she was going the 20th and she responded "I'm not going anywhere, I am staying right here." Which upset Mom, she called me which upset me. I drove into Mom's house and had a heart to heart talk with the caregiver. Mom said I sounded firm but not angry. I learned a long time ago when you are mad if you yell people ignore you but if you firmly and calmly state your position they believe what you are telling them. I basically restated what mom said. The long and short of it is the caregivers' last day working for us is the 20th. She will move out by then. If she moves out by that date we will give her one week's pay and pay for a month storage. She actually reacted to that very well and almost seemed relieved. I know Mom and I are both relieved. It has just been to much stress for both of us having her living there. Mom wanted to wait until April to let her go because she thought that would be easier for me. However, the truth is that having to deal with Mom being upset every day and having to deal with an out of control caregiver that has taken Mom's house away from her is just more stress than having to do a few extra days of care giving myself is!

How was your day?

10 comments:

Pat said...

Well, first, forget the remaining leaves and call that landscaper. With the extra money from starting early, you can afford him. We have some trees on the street that molt at a very odd time, like June. For a couple of weeks, the streets are full of huge piles of leaves that have been raked or blown there. So I can visualize your yard, and I pity you. Make a big pile, jump in it a few times, and then call a gardener.

The caregiver? Good riddance. Amazing how some people just try to take over. Amazing and a little scary. I hope you find somebody good to take her place.

My day? It was okay. I got a fair amount of Christmas shopping done. I have the same 55 item list as you, probably, but that took care of some of it.

William J. said...

Hi Pat

I don't realy want to spend the hundred bucks to get the landscaper out nor do I want to admit that I made a mistake by letting him go! Believe it or not I have two big piles now!

I agree good riddance to the caregiver. It has been stressful since day one having her there.

I did 14 items on the list the last two days!

Bill

dona said...

Bill, I am glad the caregiver is going too. It was strange for me at the first when she just moved in, I worried about it. I also cannot believe how some people are...scary is right.

I agree with Pat, and after you jump in the pile of leaves, make a couple of leaf angels. :)

William J. said...

Hi Dona

I actually told mom the same thing when she moved in that we should get rid of her then but mom wanted to give her a chance.

OK get in my long johns and jump in the leaves, it is a deal!

Bill

Lady DR said...

Leaves -- if you still have a lawn mower, just mow the leaves, even if the grass doesn't need it. Won't hurt the grass and the leaves will serve as wonderful mulch. Probably what your landscaper would do. If you don't have a mower, see if you can find a kid with a mower who wants to earn an easy $25 or $35, "mowing" your leaves.

Caregiver -- this is the one who expected your mom to take care of her while she was sick, right? She knew her days were numbered right? This person hasn't a clue. I know it's a royal pain to find another caregiver, but doesn't sound like this one was doing either of you any good.

Good job on getting so many items crossed off your list. I know the early start at work may cause some hassles, but will also bring in some income to offset the losses we're all seeing, right?

My day? Started out great -- Some putzing around the house, a couple things off the list, then off to line dance. Good fun, with rehearsal and all for next week's show in Columbia. Picked up Mom at 3:30 to go grocery shopping. Downhill from there. She's moving very slow. I finished my shopping in half an hour. She finished in two hours. I COULD have done the library and my other shopping at Bi-lo, but (a) didn't realize how long she'd take (she couldn't read labels and such, she said) and (b) she refuses to carry and use the cell phone we got her on our account, so no way could I take off and have her call me when she was close to heading for checkout (she needs help unloading the scooter cart). The checker was more interested in finding someone to give her a break than in putting Mom's stuff in the red canvas bags, so they were half full and we had all this plastic. Al expected me home at 5:00, I got here at 6:30 and, quite frankly, grumpy. Took a 2-2-2 for my back (I do fine with movement, not so well with standing, particularly in a cold draft, for long periods), had a glass of wine and Himself, bless him, did his famous chicken and gravy (best in the world). It's the only fried food we eat, so we save it as a major treat.

Having enjoyed dinner and spent a bit of time "looming" on a creative idea which may or maynot work, I'm feeling better, particularly since I have three new Mary Jane Clark books from the library.

Gee, Bill, do you think our stars are crossed or the planets out of alignment (g)?

William J. said...

Hi Dr

Buying a lawn mower was on one of the items on my to do list and I am going to do that Saturday.

I think I have way to many leaves to mow. I mean the back lawn is covered with them.

Yup this is the caregiver that wanted mom to take care of her when she was sick. I don't think she thought her days were numbered considering the call I got yesterday from her. I told again her liviing there was to stressful for mom and me. She said "Why, I said I would stay with my mom while you sister was here." Me "But not until I had to interfere. What do you think it is like when you tell a 90 year old woman that you aren't going to move out, so that she won't have any place for her daughter to stay at Christmas?". She really is clueless. We are changing the locks on the 20th whether she is out or not.

Line dance always seems to help keep you sane. I'm sorry your mom is moving so slow. Wish the doctor could help in some way. It would have almost been easier to do her shopping yourself but it is so hard to find that balance between doing things for them and letting them do things themselves. What a selfish checker. I just couldn't understand why you were grumpy.

Are stars are crossed!

Bill

Lady DR said...

Last night's post wsa about attitude - mine - and I apologize for the lengthy grump. I realized this AM the real issue was that I was both sad and angry that so many things are a struggle for Mom, things she used to do eaily, from washing dishes to shopping to her Christmas decorating, which seems to be more of a chore than a joy this year, the way she's feeling.

Kaye R said...

First, congrats on the early job!
Second, congrats on the list wittling!
Third, caretaker? I think a better work would be leach.
Fourth, DR.... remember, Bill let's us vent. If you do that here, you feel better.
Etc... I understand finding the balance of letting them do things even tho it takes 3 to 4 times as long. I use to take Mom grocery shopping (I'm the designated shopping daughter). A typical visit to the grocery store was 3 hours. Reading labels was an art. At some point, I just started picking up some items here an there and kinda weened her off of going to the grocery store. It was a self survival tatic.

More hugs to all!

William J. said...

Hi Dr

Don't your dare even thing of apolozizing for a discussion her - not a grump. That is what this place is for - venting and discussing and if you are in a bad mood let it out here! We all love you!

Watching a parent going down hill is awful. It is just not something you think of ever having to do.

Bil

William J. said...

Hi Kaye

I'm not sure I am or was ready to start that job! Leach or clueless, I think she is more clueless than a leach.

I think weening them is a good idea!

Bill