Really not an update just more of the same. There have been a few changes but they are small. My sister was here last week to relieve me for a few days. Of course when sis is here we are pretty close so it doesn't really end up as a lot of alone time for me because we end up doing something almost every day. She does shelter me from Mom's emotions which seem to be getting more prevalent. One of the changes with Mom this time is that her and my sister got along better than they ever have. Usually the two of them battle a bit when sister is here and my duties change from caregiver to referee. If anyone thinks being a referee at a sports event is difficult I would be more than happy to change places with them. However, this time they did amazingly well. Sis left Saturday and when I visited Mom on Sunday Mom told me that for the first time she really missed my sister. I had Mom call sis and tell her that. Good for her for doing so. The good thing about Mom missing my sister is that Mom is starting the process of emotionally distancing herself from me and that is a really good thing. That will make it easier for Mom when she does finally make the move to a retirement home.
One small change that is progressively moving into a larger change is that Mom is sick more often and her memory is getting a little worse. Usually the spells would come once a week and last a short period, now the spells are coming every day and lasting sometimes two days at a time. When I combine that with some dreams I've been having about Mom it scares me that maybe the end is near. I was having the same type of dreams about my dad the month before he died. I do have to be ready to emotionally face the possibility and I am getting there but it is taking more time than I thought it would. I'm just to emotional sometimes.
The good news is mom is still reading one book a week, playing bridge once a week, and doing all the puzzles in the daily paper. As long is she keeps doing all three she may be all right.
Hope those of you that are dealing with elderly parent issues are taking care of yourself. May this be a special day for all of you.
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4 comments:
Thanks for the wish in your last paragraph, Bill. I'd say if your mom is still enjoying reading and doing puzzles that she's far from the bottom of the hill. Of course I don't know about her physical condition, but they'll surprise you. It was almost a year ago that my mother was put into hospice, and she's still with us and doing a lot better than she was then, even though every day is a whole new world to her.
You are welcome for the wishes, Pat. Seems like a lot of us are dealing with the elderly parent issue.
It sure doesn't seem like a year since they put your Mom in hospice. It probably seems like more than a year for you. Dad had a whole new world every day. Which truly made life harder on those around that loved him than it was for them. I really have a lot of empathy for you. Wish there was something I could do to help you.
With Mom her mind is top notch but she is having chest pains more frequently. Also she is spacing out more frequently. She won't call 911 or go to the doctor because he her words "she rather die than spend another night in the emergency room or hospital." I want call but she just won't let me.
Bill
What a dilemma if your mom has chest pains and won't let you call for help! I'd hate to be in that position, even though I firmly believe everyone should be in charge of his/her own fate.
It doesn't seem like a year to me, actually. Time goes so fast. Unfortunately my mom being in an unfamilar place every day is harder on her than anyone. In her typical fashion, she wants to figure everything out and it just defeats her, so she gets frustrated and won't stop asking questions. I'm sure they get really tired of her wanting to pay for her meals and wondering where her money is. I keep telling her all her money is in the bank, but gave her some cash just to keep her happy. One time a staff member took a few dollars as payment for dinner for the same reason, but gave it to me when I came to visit, and I put it back in her purse.
it is a dilemma when your parent doesn't want you to do what you know is best for them. Sometimes though, like last night, I call for help whether or not she wants me too.
Times does go fast and seems to go faster as I get older. My heart just feels for you and your Mom.
That has to be so hard for both of you when she wants to figure out everything and won't quit asking questions. I like to think I wouldn't lose my patience but most likely I would. The professionals at the facility where she is at should be trained never to get tired of her wanting to pay for her meals, they should make that a part of staff training as I am betting there are others there that do similiar things. I love the staff member that took the money for the meals and then gave it back to you. A very inventive way to handle it.
Bill
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