Before we discuss hugging I want send out some hugs, good vibes, good thoughts and prayers to Dona's sister-in-law. In a comment on the Update thread Dona wrote "I would like to ask if I may, that you all could send some good vibes, prayers toward my sister in law. She has had a very rough month. I will just say she is having a hard time living life. I told her about you all here and that I was going to ask for some support of some kind, but I just didn't know quite how without going into too much detail. But I believe in the power of prayer and hope I can count on you all. Thanks in advance. :)" So let us prove once again that we have the power to change things! If you pray send prayers Dona's sister-in-law's direction, if praying isn't your style good vibes and thoughts her way would be appreciated.
Now hugging. When it comes to the opposite sex my middle name (some might say my first and last name are the same) is clueless. I never know what their interest in me is. I miss all the signs. Mostly because I don't know what the signs are. I never have considered myself either good looking or huggable. Average looking at best, huggable if a woman needs a hug and there isn't another man within two to three thousand miles. With the fears of the swine flu I've lately been acutely aware of personal contact. I've actually noticed that lately I've been getting hugged by a lot of strange women. Let me rephrase that, I've been getting hugged by women that I don't really know that well but are familiar to me because I/we frequent their places of business.
I kind of understood the hugs at work on my last day on the job. The receptionist and young T. both hugged me. That was understandable because we went through a maze together, tax season, and survived. Sometimes I think the reason people hug me when I am with mom is because when we are out I treat mom with a tremendous amount of consideration and respect. They see that and want their kids to treat them that way. However, twice Thursday when I was out Mom was nowhere in sight. Unless Mom was hiding under the check stand at the grocery store or was in an emotional tangle with the desert display at the restaurant. I started out the day grocery shopping and when I paid for the groceries the checker ignoring that there was a decent line in her aisle came around and gave me a hug. Having not been out to a nice restaurant by myself lately I decided to take my book and head out for a grilled cheese and cup of chicken noodle soup. While sitting there involved in my reading/eating the hostess/assistant manager came by leaned over and gave me a hug.
I have mixed emotions about the hugging. It felt really pleasant at the time but later I was wondering that if they had contact with someone that had the strain of flu going around then I was exposed. Now I would never think of exposing myself to them. Let me rephrase that too. I wouldn't want to risk causing them any grief so I might hesitate to hug anyone right now. Which brings up a lot of questions that this clueless person was wondering the answers to.
How do you choose whom to hug? Is it a spur of the moment thing? Or is it planned? Is more like a handshake between men? Is it a sign? If it is a sign what is it a sign of? Do you think if you hugged someone it would be such a treat for the man that it be worth him picking up a virus? Just so you know I'll take the hugs and any risks that go with it! Tell me your take on hugging.
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19 comments:
First, more good thoughts and vibes going out to Dona's sister in law. I hope they're working.
Second, while I'm not very concerned about all this flu hype, I'll probably refrain from casual hugging for the duration of the scare. More to avoid making the other person nervous than because I'm afraid of catching the flu. If someone hugs me, I won't worry about it, unless they're coughing at the same time.
But after saying that, I'm not much of a hugger. I don't mind hugs, even rather like them, but somehow it doesn't occur to me to initiate hugging. If I ever see any of you in person (again, for those of you I've met), by all means feel free to hug me. I'll hug you back and be happy, but I probably won't think to be the first to reach out.
Bill, it's kind of amazing that you get hugs from grocery checkers and restaurant hostesses. I assume you knew them both already and they aren't just strangers coming on to you, much as you might like that. {g} As to whether such hugs are "signs" of anything, I'm as clueless as you.
Hi Pat
I think it is kind of amazing that people that I barely know hug me too. They aren't strangers because they have seen me before but I've never seen them outside of their work enviornment. I'm just going to take it as a compliment.
I'm going to do what I always do not make the initial contact if they want to hug me fine but I'm not going to make the first move as to not make them nervous.
OK, when I finally get a chance to come to Los Angeles I will give in and give the first hug!
Bill
First, Thanks Bill, for the post, it was much appreciated. I will keep you posted as I can.
Second I have to ask for some more prayers and good vibes. Gee I feel funny on this as I joked on the last post about my dad. But I joke a lot. Its what gets me through each day and I think/hope you all here know I was joking.
Anyhow, earlier this evening my dad fainted. I had asked him to dinner and Shankster and I both thought it was odd he was taking so long. Turns out he had went to wash his hands and noticed upon standing he got a bit nauseous, as he walked to the table he said he was planning to say he was just going to lay down as he was feeling tired. Next thing we both heard was a thump. He was pale white. He said he slipped. I knew better. His BP cuff was right there and we had him lay there and took it, it was 78/48. The Shankster immediately gave him a dash of salt. He was talking fine. And within a few minutes his color came back we let him lay there for about 10-15 minutes. So we are sure it was the drop in pressure, plus he has not been eating lunch. We had this problem last summer as well..Golfing season, he golfs from sunup to sundown. Lots and lots of exercise + BP medication can equal lower BP. He took it upon himself last year to drop one of his pills and then the stroke happened. So he is not as fast to do that again. (not that that was the cause) We have watched his BP the last several weeks, & I knew it was getting lower because of the exercise but he wanted to wait for the doc appt. Which is not til the 29th. But I do think I will be calling first thing on Monday with this. This scared the crap outta me. Geez guys I am not cut out for this anymore. :)
Anyhow he is better now he ate beef stew, 3 bowls, and then laid down until he smelled the chocolate chip cookies we made. He had that with ice cream and his BP is fine now.
But I still worry and you guys are my special support group. I had to tell someone.
Now to the hugging. I am a hugger. Don't kiss the cheek so much anymore, but still a hugger. I don't find much wrong with hugging, and don't plan it, it just comes natural to me. Don't necessarily think it is a sign for anything either.
I can however understand that with the current flu scare that some might be offended by a hug or even a handshake.? No one has ever let me know not to hug them until I met my new daughter-in-law. I found out after that she didn't want to be hugged, said it was a germ thing. But I let her know I was a hugger after I realized it wasn't a germ thing, just a no bond thing with her parents. They were apparently none huggers. She and her son were apprehensive at first but I can say now they are new born huggers.
So I think hugging is a good thing.
:)
Gee Bill, not sure what advice to give, I think to each his own. But sounds to me like there is a whole lot of huggin going on in your neck o' the woods with you being the recipient. Sounds like a good thing.
Hi Dona
WOW. How freaking frightening having your dad pass out. It would have scared the beejees out of me. I'm glad you handled in such a professional manner.
Now you have to keep us posted on both your sister-in-law and dad.
Don't feel bad about joking about your dad, that is how we stay sane humor and joking about our loved ones.
And I think it is wise to move up the doctor appointment!
And you know I am really touched and honored and I betting others here are too that you look to us as your support group. That really means a lot to me.
As to hugging I wonder if different areas have different hugging rules. Oregon must be a hugging state.
Bill
I never considered myself a hugger until we spent 10 years hosting students from South American Countries (mostly Brasil and Chile), cultures which are very big on hugging. It made huggers out of our entire family and it spread out to our kids' friends. I am a pretty spontaneous hugger, though if I sense that someone is protective of his/her space, I don't hug.
Hi Bev
Our family always hugged so It was learned from the time we were children. I don't ever remember anyone telling us not to hug them.
Bill
Well, Singaporeans generally don't hug a lot. But I'd hug you in a flash. Especially Dona. Good thoughts winging your way.
Hi Snug
What a nice thing to say!
I'd hug you in a flash too.
Bill
Okay, Bill, you're on for a hug when you finally get down here to L.A. [g]
I think you're right to take it as a compliment that so many acquaintances seem to want to hug you. And I also think you're probably right to wait for the first move from someone you don't know too well. It's possible that some women might take it as meaning something you don't mean at all. But most probably wouldn't.
Dona, you sure have my sympathy, and your dad does, too. That must have been a very frightening episode, and I'm glad to hear his BP is up and running again. Telling the doc about it as soon as you can is a very good idea.
Thanks to all again for all the wishes...I sure appreciate it.
Dad is still doing good today. I keep buggin him. :)
But hey thats what I am here for!
Bill, you already know I'm a hugger. Always have been. Means "I'm glad to see you, I missed you, I wish you well, I hope things are/get better" whatever, depending on situation. I do try to determine if it will make someone uncomfortable, before I hug, but it's just a natural part of me and I rarely find anyone who's offended.
Dona, what a scary situation with your dad. Glad you watch his b/p closely and are aware of things that can bring it down but, like you, I think I'd get him to the doc earlier than the scheduled app't, if possible. Gosh, you've got a plate full! I remember how concerned I was when I took Mom in about the sinus infection and her bp was something like 85/60! Special hugs to you and do keep us posted, please.
Hi Pat
Good another incentive to go to LA!
Bill
Hi Dona
Glad you dad is still doing well but I do hope they change his medication so he doesn't pass out again.
Bill
Hi DR
I know you are a warm person that everyone likes and that usually transfers into being a hugger.
Bill
Okay, troops, here's a little report on my meeting with the Social Security woman.
I'm sure she was legit. Her ID was impressive enough, and she was happy to have me visit her office if I wished. She didn't ask me anything I wouldn't have told anybody.
She's enjoying doing this. They call it their "Centenarian Project". She was quite struck by Las Casitas, as is everyone who visits. She said, "You wouldn't believe some of these places, so dark and dingy". She said Hazel was the "best" centenarian she'd seen, but she may say that to all the girls. :-)
I told her I'd had some reservations, and she wasn't surprised. She said that some people try to tell her their SS number and she stops them and reminds them she has that already. She said they are not allowed to leave their office with anybody's SS number in their possession, which makes sense. What if she dropped a paper or one blew away and somebody got their identity stolen. Not good. She said they haven't uncovered any fraud in the local office here in Burbank, but overall, they've found quite a few. So as your parents approach 100, look for a visit.
Hi Pat
I'm so glad it turned out to be legit. And a government employee's reaction to La Casitas just makes me even more impressed with the place.
I'm curious, do they have a web page?
Bill
Yes, Bill, everybody goes gaga about Las Casitas. And they do have a web page. It's
http://www.lascasitasassistedliving.net
I just looked over the site, found a few little typos and maybe mild exaggeration on some unimportant counts, like the "coffee bar" is a couple of coffeepots in a corner of the kitchen. {g} All the people pictured are no longer there, except for Sheila, the owner, who has mostly turned administrative duties over to her daughter. Sheila was more hands-on with the residents and I miss her not being there very often these days. But it's still a great place, if not *quite* as good as the website might lead you to believe.
The photos are quite accurate, except that the palm trees are bigger now. The "activity room" is almost never used and everything goes on in the kitchen/dining room area or on the patio. The big TV is in one corner of the dining room.
The newspaper article they reprint says a manager lives on site, which is not true now if it ever was. Also the ratio of staff to residents is nowhere near 1:1 as the article says. They have two plus the chef, who pitches in days & evenings, and only one at night, which is why I have a private caregiver at night. And of course the price has gone up from what the article says. I guess the article is about 5 years old.
So glad the SS visit went well and was legit. Also glad to hear the positive comments on Las Casitos, although I know you've been very impressed with both the facility and staff. Sounds like they may need a website update (wry s). Still, it's been a great place for your mom and that's what counts.
Hi Pat
First, I am not surprised that your mom is one of the best 100 year olds!
And wow what a great place she is in. I didn't know it was only 17 beds which is small enough for a lot better care than the bigger assisted living centers are.
Bill
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