Janet asked how I was doing with my learning how to live. Getting more free time is part of it.
Mom has decided to move into an assisted living center. There are several things that lead to that decision.
1. The accident that I had on Tuesday was sort of the straw that broke the camel's back about being able to stay in her home. After the accident Mom and I had a long talk about what would have happened to her had I been injured or killed. The only effective way she can stay in her home is with my support. If she would have lost me she would have been put in a position where she would have made some really fast decisions about her house and where to go. Fast decisions usually lead to wrong ones. She probably wouldn't have gotten the right price for the house and probably would have ended up in the wrong place.
We decided we should put the house up for sale and start look for a place now while we can take the time to find just the right place for her. Our target date for the move is March 1st.
2. Sis is not going to be able to come up from Utah as much as she has in the past. Her daughter needs her help in the cosmetic company that her daughter is starting. The product is selling well for just getting off of the ground but it means they all have to pitch in and roll up their sleeves. To hire a caregiver to replace sis would end up with an expense greater than an assisted living center would cost. At an assisted living center Mom can get involved in activitie. She can play bridge and scrabble and have someone watching over her twenty-four hours a day.
3. Mom is declining and at some point she is going to need help with transferring in the bathroom. I'm just not emotionally equiped to perform that function. It was hard enough with dad. I'm sure I could do it for a wife if she needed my help because that is the way I was raised but the thought of a son doing if for a mother is just a bit much for me. At an assisted living a center professionals can help her.
4. After seven years of caregiving I am getting really tired. Both Mom and I have decided I need to start learning how to live sooner than later. Her moving to an assisted living center allows me to do that.
I can do things like go to Ashland more often. Ashland is a beautiful little town on the Oregon/California border. NY Times rated the Oregon Cabaret Theater in Ashland as the number one Cabaret Theater in the U.S. The NY Times also rated Ashland's Shakespearen Festival as number one in the U.S. They have over one hundred art galleries. They are close to some amazing scenic sites like Crater Lake. They have some of the best restaurants on the West Coast. Every time I go there I relax and after the visit I'm not tired. The last time I was there I went for a walk at 6 A.M. in the downtown park, Lithia Park. First, I ran into a Mime practicing his wares in the park's amphi-theatre. Then I turned a corner and ran into ten or eleven deer grazing in the park. What a fun walk. It is the perfect setting to write in.
I also can consider different winter living options. I love Portland. Beautiful place. Love Powells's City of Books, Saturday Market, Crown Point in The Columbia River Gorge, The Oregon Coast (no coast like it), The Pearl District, The Sellwood District, Yamhill Wine Country and the wonderful people that live here. However, for the first time the winter weather bothered me. Maybe I can create a perfect living situation. Seven months in the Portland area, five months in a place with better winter weather. In April I am going to start to check out places like the LA Area (used to live there so am familiar with the geography. Know its changed but at least I will know where certain cities are), Las Vegas (brother has a home there) or Palms Springs (friend Ted has a home there). With my CPA skills I can get a job as tax season support anywhere.
There you have it, step one, two, and three in learning how to live.
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8 comments:
As they say, it's an ill wind that doesn't blow somebody some good. It sounds like the accident was a good thing to start you and your mom thinking in more concrete terms about the passage of time and decisions that are easier made now while you both are able to make them together.
Bev - this is starting to frighten me. This is what I just wrote as a comment in WordPad, before I read your comment.
As they say, it's an ill wind, etc., etc. It's great that your mom was able to make that decision for herself. Transitions are always easier if we instigate them, rather than having them foist upon us.
William, it's wonderful, too, that you're also thinking about good ways that your life is going to change.
Hi Bev
I was trying to find the message that I was being sent after the accident and then it became cyrstal clear that it would lead to some really good choices about life decisions for both Mom and I.
Gosh Mary
It is eerie that you thought the same as Bev but of course then two geniuses cant be wrong!
Make that three geniuses, Bill. I heartily agree with Bev and Mary Z that you're making the best decision for your mother and for yourself. Allow some time to get it all accomplished, and I wish you both very well indeed.
I think that's wonderful news for you!! I know a lot about the assisted living scene here in Portland now. I'll be happy to share what I learned. I think the Universe is lining things up for you. Great things. Speaking from experience, once your mom is on board about moving to an assisted living place the worst is over! Her attitude will be the most important factor in all of this. I know what you mean about the winter season here in Portland. The darkness is what gets to me - not so much the rain or grey days but how short the day is! Remember those days back in college when the choices seemed endless - it was such an intoxicating time... so many directions you could take. Makes you hop out of bed in the morning and see all the opportunities out there. Can be scary also - too many choices! But you are in such a great place.
Hi Pat
I know you had to go through the same thing with your Mom and it certainly isn't easy.
Mom admitted Sunday that part of the problem it is hard letting go of me. I really make it fun for her the days I am the caregiver and she enjoys those days. I'm also the most like dad in personality and I'm kind of her final link to him. They got married young and were married for over 60 years and it has been a struggle since he died. In a way I've kind of replaced him in her life and now there, in her mind, is someone else she has to let go of.
What we did do this weekend is start the transition by hiring another caregiver to take the nights I've been doing it. That way it won't be a complete transition all at one time.
Plus I'm never going to desert her. I'll visit every day I can no matter where she is. Plus I'll take her to movies, dinners, shopping, or what ever two or three times a week.
Hi Janet
I would love to hear your take on assisted living centers. We have looked at several already and are looking for just the right fit. One of the problems is mom wants a place that has a bridge clud and there really isn't that many people her age that still has the mind she has. So we are thinking an independent place that allows motorized wheelchairs and has level care so she doesn't have to move again.
I agree with you about the Universe lining things up. See my message to Pat about the transitioning already starting.
Mom has a good attitude she just has to realize two things; one that there is no perfect solution and two that staying in her house won't be an option much longer.
The thing about the winter season it has just never bothered me before. However, this year I just didn't want to deal with icy windshields.
I don't like the short days either but they do result in really long days during the summer. I read the weather page every day and look at the part where they say what time the sun rises and sets. Yesterday was the first day this year that the sun set after five!
Part of the problem with college when I graduated I didn't really have choices. Because of the accident I was so far in debt from hospital bills and college that I had to take the first job offered.
This is really the first time in my life that I've had choices and it is both exciting and frigthening.
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