Living vs. Dying The Final Entry

This may be long today as I want to wrap this subject up and move on to serial killers. Serial killers will be tomorrow's subject.

Like Janet said this is a real exciting time of my life. I am having a great time learning how to live and learning what I have to do to make life more productive. This is just the start of the examination of things that I need to change and things that I need to do.

First, I need to take more risks. Pretty much a risk for me has been to give a guest the remote control. I'm not going to try bungy jumping or skydiving. Those seem foolish to me. Things like this blog. It has been a real risk but a rewarding one. Mary Z. asked if I had found a date yet and the answer is no. The dating world scares me. I am very shy, unaware of my surroundings and socially behind men my own age. During the time, the ages between eighteen and twenty-six, when everyone else was learning how to date, meeting their first spouse, becoming aware of the opposite sex I was recovering from annual surgeries (at least nine that I remember) and learning how to walk. While they were going to movies I was going to physical therapy. Thank God I succeeded in my recovery but it did create a late start in learning how to be social. As to the unaware part if a woman is interested in me probably a sledgehammer is the best approach. I never think those smiles are directed at me, they are directed at the men I am with, or the guy ahead or behind me in line. In the grocery store the smile is because they are thinking about eating that double chocolate strawberry Tom and Jerry's ice cream that is in their cart not because they are looking at me. The absolute truth is that I've never asked a woman for the first date. All first dates that I've been on the woman has asked me. The second, third, fourth dates I'm good to go. It is the initial one that presents the problem. This is where risk number one starts. I'm coming out of my shell. I'm going to start responding to those smiles, I'm going to ask for that first date, although rejection isn't my favorite thing maybe experiencing it a few times will give me more confidence to keep asking.

Second, I have to really think about what I enjoy and do more of it. I've never really wanted to be an accountant it just came about by accident and I ended up being good at it. The comments made most often by my clients are "you don't act like an accountant you have a sense of humor" or "you don't act like an accountant you actually listen to us." All of those tests that you take to find out what occupation is best for you, accountant has come out on the bottom. Writer, motivational speaker, philanthropist are the top vote getters. However, being an accountant will help me fund a life where I am able to afford to do the things that I enjoy.

Thinking back the things I've enjoyed the most were things I didn't get paid for. Selling hot dogs to raise money to buy socks and shoes for second and third grade kids that couldn't afford to buy their own. It was a hoot. We would sell hot dogs in front of a grocery store, the store donated the hot dogs and hot dog buns and the space. After we raised enough money we then would take the grade schoolers shopping for the socks and shoes. After the shopping we would stop at McDonalds and buy them a meal. There is just something special about receiving a letter from one of those kids that says "That was the best meal. I had never been to a restaurant before." I enjoyed the toy drives for abused women shelters and the toy drives for the childrens' hospital. I enjoyed my time at the cancer research center. From now on my life is going to include some type of charity work.

I've enjoyed writing. I've written two itsy bitsy books about football. I've been a guest on a national tv network to discuss the book, Financial News Network. You won't find FNN on your cable now because it went off the air the day after I was a guest. I was a guest on a local sports show, David Kahn's Sunday Afternoon Sports Show. Can't find that show now on any network now either as the network went broke and off the air the day after I was a guest. Ok so being a guest on radio or tv is probably out all things considered. However, I can still write. I'm going to finish that novel that has been gathering dust the past few years. Not for publication but just to say I did it.

Third, I am going to live up to and try to be the person that that client that sent me the email that started this three day rant thinks that I am. I am going to keep that email and use it as a guide. It is a pedestal that I am sure to fall off of. Fall not just once but over and over again. However, that doesn't mean that I can't get back up each time and try again to live up to her description of me.

I'm going to close by sharing the last part of the email that the client sent me that started this three day journal entry. Trust me I am not near as good as she sees me.

"IN CONCLUSION, A FEW EXPRESSIONS TO YOU OF THANK YOU FOR:

BEING IN OUR WORLD
MAKING A DIFFERENCE
YOUR WISDOM
BEING SO THOUGHTFUL
BEING THERE
SEEING THE SILVER LINING
CARING
SHARING YOUR THOUGHTS
LISTENING
YOUR INSPIRATION
YOUR FAITH
YOUR TALENT
YOUR WONDERFUL WORK
YOUR CHARACTER
YOUR SPIRIT
YOUR PRINCIPLES
SHOWING THE WAY
YOUR WARMTH
YOUR KINDNESS
YOUR ENCOURAGEMENT
YOUR HONESTY
YOUR HELPING HAND
REACHING OUT
YOUR SUPPORT
HANGING IN THERE
STAYING IN TOUCH
YOUR EXPAMPLE
SPREADING JOY
YOUR BIG HEART
ALL YOU’VE DONE
FOR THE MEMORIES
AND MOST OF ALL….
FOR BEING YOU. XXOO CYN AND FAMILY

PS: I WANT TO HEAR A DATE AT LEAST TO HAVE COFFEE. I WILL MEET YOU ANYWHERE. AND JOSEPH AND I WANT TO TAKE YOU AND YOUR MOM TO SHERRIES FOR DINNER…………..SOON. WE NEED A DATE FOR THAT AS WELL; THAT WAY WE HAVE EVENTS TO LOOK FORWARD."