Sunday, June 21, 2009

Memories Of Dad



I read the rules of Fathers’ Day and it didn’t say that your dad had to be alive for you to honor him so pull up a chair, have a couple of pieces of his favorite candy (orange slices) and let me tell you about the man that helped to make me who I am today and the lessons that he taught me. Then when I am done I want you to tell me about your dad and the lessons you learned from him.

Be kind. Dad paid it forward long before the movie came out. I remember when I was in the eighth grade and some friends of my sister had just gotten married. Wayne and Sandy stopped by my parents house before going off to college. They were broke. While they were getting in the car dad pulled Wayne off to the side and gave him forty dollars. That would be maybe five hundred dollars easily in today’s world. Money he didn’t really have or could afford but Wayne and Sandy needed the money more than he or we did. I remember him telling Wayne “You will be a success, when that day happens find someone less fortunate than you and give them forty dollars.”

Be fun. It wasn’t unusual for my dad and my Uncle Frank to dress up as the Bobsie Twins and attend a Halloween Party. When dad and friends Ed and Ted dressed up as women and joined the minister’s wife to form the Mongrel Sisters quartet for a church event they were a hit. While they were performing they overheard a six year-old boy tell his mom “Those are three of the ugliest women that I have ever seen” they laughed so hard they couldn’t finish their song.

Be playful. It wasn’t above dad to get down on his hands and knees in a store when Mom was shopping for a dress and crawl over to Mom where he couldn’t be seen and tickle her legs. Mom would wonder what is that feeling on her legs. There was nobody around. What just was happening? After a few tickles he would jump up and say “Hi, Honey!”. Mom would look down and laugh and mumble “Only, John!”

Be affectionate. It is OK for men to hug.

Surprises can be good. We always had big holiday celebrations. My aunt and uncle and their three kids weren’t really cousins and aunts and uncles they were another mom and dad and another set of siblings. So we always had twenty or more at our celebrations. We never spent a lot on gifts but because there was so many of us there were always a lot of gifts under the tree. The Christmas when I was seven after dinner they started handing out gifts, all the gifts disappeared and I didn’t get one gift. I was wondering what horrible thing that I did to not deserve a Christmas gift. Just then the doorbell rang and dad said “Bill, that is for you” I answered the door , looked through the softly falling snow, and tied to a tree in our front yard was a beautiful Shetland Pony. Dolly became my best and most faithful friend for years.

On Mothers’ Day I told you of the tough time when my life was in danger, my sister was having problems, and mom was recovering from cancer that Mom taught me a Mother’s love. Through that same time Dad taught me a Father’s love. While mom stayed by my bedside dad stayed home and ran the family hardware store. Well that is what he did during the day. At 6 PM he closed the store and drove the eighty miles to the hospital to spend an hour with mom and I, then drive the eighty miles back home. The next morning he would open the store at 8 AM, close the store and drive the eighty miles back the hospital. Six days a week he would make that one hundred and sixty mile round trip. Saturday nights he stayed at the hospital and Sundays he would spend the day with us. He never failed to tell mom and I he loved us nor failed to tell me to hang in there because he knew I was the toughest one in the family. I would have never recovered without his support.

There were many other lessons dad taught me. Sometimes doing the right thing means you will stand alone. That it often harder to be kind than be mean but always be kind. Even when he was dying he taught me faithfulness. He told me the last week that he was alive that in over sixty years of being married to mom that not only had he never cheated on her, he never even thought about it. I even learned a lesson from him after he died. Quality is better than quantity. A few years after he died mom and I were cleaning out a trunk and I found a love letter from dad to mom. In it he quoted someone “ a good lover isn’t one that romances several women, a good lover is one that romances one woman for a lifetime.” Dad lived that quote.

Dad wherever you are I need to stay two words to you that I should have said to you every day that you were alive. Thank you.

Now tell me about your dad and the lessons that he taught you.

PS

Dennis Day was yesterday’s answer. The question of the day starts again Monday.

The kindness meter, 35 people, 89 acts of kindness. Only 11 to go by midnight tonight!

10 comments:

Bev Sykes said...

I wish I could write an entry such as you have written about my father. The only thing he taught me was never to relax your guard because you don't know when the person you are with is going to explode. Fathers day was always very difficult for me because it was a day set aside to express feelings I never had and the hardest thing I had to do was to find a father's Day card that didn't say "I love you" -- because I didn't.

William J. said...

Hi Bev

I don't know what to say other than I am sorry. Some men aren't cut out to be fathers, I'm fortunate to have had a dad that was.

Bill

Pat said...

You were very fortunate to have the dad you had. My dad was admirable in many ways, but to me he was sort of unavailable most of the time, so we were never what I would call close. I think he taught me a good work ethic by example. And he and my mom both taught me fiscal responsibility, also by example more than by actual "teaching". I wish he had lived longer, as he would have been interested and helpful when I got into all the electronics aspects of sound and music for film. We would have at last had something in common to bond us. Sadly, he was gone by that time.

William J. said...

Hi Pat

I took mom to lunch for my birthday today, I told her it was her birthday too since I wouldn't be here without her. The caregiver went along. We were talking about how mom and dad always included us in their outings. I was just blessed to have the parents that I had.

I wish you dad would have lived longer, that is so sad that he died to young. And I think no doubt he and your mom taught you a wonderful work ethic!

And as much as you do for your mom someone certainly taught you loyalty!

Bill

Lady DR said...

Bill, how blessed you were with your father and your mom.

Like you, my father was a blessing. I learned so much from him, some he taught by "talking" and so much he taught by example. He was the epitome of the Bible verse, "Love is patient, love is kind..."

We lived on the farm and never had much money, of course. Daddy taught himself welding and he was often in his "shop" fixing machinery (large and small) for the neighbors. At no charge.Almost every day was a "kindness krusade" for him. He had no college degree, but educated himself in areas from welding to using a slide rule. He taught me to do calculations in my head, using his system, which continues to astound bankers today (I can calculate a house payment, based on cost of house and current interest rates in my head, before "they" finish pushing their calculator or computer buttons). He was always supportive. He didn't believe in "men's work" and "women's work" and was the first to cook, clean up, chivy us kids into household tasks when Mom had a migraine or, later, when she had a tupperware party to hold. My brother can iron and vacuum with the best of them and I can use an electric drill, hammer, stud finder and do renovations. He taught me nothing was impossible, if (a) you wanted it badly enough, (b) it was a "good thing" and (c) you were willing to do what was necessary to accomplish it. When the farm couldn't support college educations, he applied for the County Appraiser's position and beat out the other two finalists, both of whom had advanced college degrees. When he was 58 years old, he went to AK as a consultant appraiser and ended up as Dep Dir. When I was 19 years old, he told me that he and Mom had raised me the best they could, with values and priorities, and I was on my own, but he'd stand behind any decision I made, so long as it wasn't illegal or immoral. He always did. He tried to teach me patience by example (okay, some things didn't take as well as others). He taught me love and kindness and forgiveness and charity are more important than success and grudges. He taught me that to listen to someone and ask sincere questions, without giving them advice they didn't want, often allowed a person to come to the right conclusions in the end. He taught me time spent with, and sincere interest in, a person was the most important gift you could give, more important than money or material offerings. Although Daddy's been gone thirty years, what he taught me has guided my life and actions and there are still times I feel he's with me.

Daddy, I know you're seeing this and I hope you're smiling at the little and big things I remember (and all the things there's not room to include). Co-signing on the convertible, even though you were very reluctant about a sports car. Accepting Joe, even though you knew it wouldn't work. Helping me pick up the pieces when my world fell apart in Mpls. The long, middle-of-the-night conversations after you were diagnosed with cancer and I moved to AK and you helped me explore priorities and possibilities. Letting me drive the baler, instead of clean house and bake cookies for the men. You made it a bit difficult to find a husband, as my standards were pretty high, but the results were worth the wait.

Bill, thanks for the opportunity to recognize Daddy and all he meant to me and all he did for me. I know I'm way more fortunate than most. I was definitely in the right line, when God passed out parents.

William J. said...

Hi DR

I was truly blessed and it sure sounds you like you were too!

I love that it taught you love is patient and kind!

My dad had a garage full of tools. He could fix anything, it sounds like not only did we have the same mom we had the same dad!

Wow what an amazing skill he taught you! I bet some bankers wanted to hire you on the spot!

My dad also cooked and all of us kids had to cook one dinner a week. Sisters and brothers both!

I have no doubt that your dad read this and is smiling and looking down very proudly on you and how pleased he is that you have lived all the lessons he taught you certainly from the day that I have known you.

Thank you for the very touching post honoring your dad, I am very honored that you chose my blog to write it on! Thanks to you and thanks to your Dad. I hope he will accept a very Happy Fathers' Day wish from me!

Bill

Kim said...

Hi Bill - I wanted to take a minute to wish you a happy birthday. We share the same birthday as you know! Sorry I have been absent but with the end of the school year and other activities we have been busy. In addition, I had to get a new computer so there is always the learning curve. Anyway, I hope you are having a nice birthday!

William J. said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIM!!!!!!!!!!

And you have been missed!

Hope you will enjoy the summer!

Bill

PS

Having a great birthday

Lady DR said...

Kim - Happy Birthday! Didn't know you and Bill shared the day. Hope it was happy and you enjoyed lots of love and hugs and the next year will bring good times.

Bill, thank you again for the opportunity to really think about all Daddy taught me and how important he was in my life.

William J. said...

Really DR

Thank you for the lovely post about your father!!

Bill