One of the hot topics lately is bullying. When you combine the loss of civility with teen pranks awful cases of bullying surface. When parents treat others rudely without any care in the world the children pickup on that and the transition to them embarrassing their peers is an easy one.
Looking back on my teen years I might of been bullied. In high school we had two walkways up to the doors of the school. The walkway on the left was the Junior and Senior walkway. The walkway on the right was the Freshman and Sophomores. Separating the two walkways right before the stairs to the school was a bell. The bell hang down from a really high cement cover. If a freshman or sophomore walked on the junior or senior walkway before their time their were severe consequences. Their pants were removed from them and they were lifted on top of the bell and left their until the janitor had to come get them down. While I will admit to walking on the junior and senior walkway before my time, I refuse to admit of ever being on the top of the bell without my pants.
There is a lot of advise out there about what to do if one of your kids is bullied. The following writer thinks a lot of that advise is wrong:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/csm/20101012/cm_csm/331177
I agree completely with the writer that you are not to ignore it. It only makes matters worse.
Her is another view:
http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/18/opinion-sometimes-its-ok-to-let-your-kid-be-bullied/?icid=main%7Chtmlws-main-n%7Cdl9%7Csec1_lnk3%7C179584
I'm not sure I can agree with this one. I don't think it is every a good idea to let anyone be bullied. That just encourages the bully to not only continue his bullying but to expand it.
What is your take on bullying? Your comments are appreciated and will be read before I go to bed tonight at Mom's.
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10 comments:
My friend's grandson (Chris) is a HS senior. He came across some kids bullying a freshman, and told them to quit. The freshman said "It's okay, I'm used to it." That really tore Chris up, and he told the bullies again. As he walked away, they started up again. Chris knew if he hit one of them, he (Chris) would be sent to alternative school, so he crashed his fist into a locker. He not only broke the locker, he broke a bone in his hand.
But his "hotty" factor increased 100% in school, and you can bet those kids won't be bothering that freshman again.
We're SO proud of him!
Hi Mary
I am sorry Chris broke his hand but I am damn proud of him too.
Bill
I agree with the first writer on bullying, too. In the comments, I was surprised at the advice to beat the crap out of the bully or hit him/her on the head with a board. While those solutions might work, they're not practical for many. I hope the increased awareness of bullying encourages the good kids to speak up when they see it. That seems the best solution, with parental and school authority intervention close behind.
I'm with you, not sure I agree with the second one, either. In fact, I don't agree. It seems she waited too long, and I didn't see anything about her trying to give her daughter any coping skills.
Hi Pat
Beating up a bully seldom or never work. First, the bully seldom picks on someone his own size that can beat him up. Second, it turns the bullied into the bully. Awareness and teaching acceptance and tollerence is the best solution in my mind.
I thought in the second article she hung her daughter out to dry and didn't give her the coping skills needed.
Bill
I agree bullying can't be ignored, as it tends to escalate, when it goes unpunished in any way. Like others, I think the mother in the second article let it go too far. I also tend to believe bullying often comes from a home environment, where one parent is "bullied" by the other or where the child is "bullied" by one or more parent or sibling, either of which leads the child to look for some way to be powerful, be in control, not be taken advantage of him/herself.
I think learning coping skills at an early age is critical, simply because the odds are good we're going to deal with bullies right on through into adult life, be it bosses, co-workers, family, whatever. I also think there needs to be some solid research on WHAT those coping skills should be, to be most effective.
Mary, I"m proud of Chris. He spoke up, then took his anger out on a locker. Hopefully, his actions also drew the school's attention to what was going on.
Pat, I agree, beating up the bully isn't going to solve anything, other than maybe make the bully feel more powerful because he got the attention he wanted (which is often an issue behind the bullying.)
I don't have any answers. This seems to go back to issue of civility and its lack in our culture, all the way down to young children.
Ideally, the victim can simply walk away from the situation, which reduces/removes the effectiveness of the bullying. Ideally, other children will step up to the plate and back up the victim. Ideally, the children will learn the difference between tattling and reporting behavior that's harmful to a school mate. Ideally, a parent will recognize when standard coping methods aren't working and will recognize that a child may actually be in danger and intervention is needed. I think this is particularly true when dealing with upper middle and high school issues, where bullying can lead to an almost "gang" atmosphere and physical danger. I remember my youngest sister recounting an instance, after they'd moved to Joliet and she was attending a large HS, where she walked into the restroom and several girls were threatening another girl with a knife. She left immediately and reported it to TPTB. Had those same girls been dealt with at a younger age, they may have learned not to bully.
I also believe that bullies who are not "retrained" at an early age, grow up to be adult bullies in many case.
Hi DR
I completely agree with your about where bullying comes from.
I think the more awareness about bullying the better. The more awareness the more teaching of coping skills will take place.
I also think teaching tolerence and differences are critical to do away with bullying.
The instance you talked about with your sister also lends itself to schools be taught about gangs and the dangers of joining them.
Bill
Until we can teach parents about tolerance and differences, I'm not sure how successful we'll be with the kids, quite frankly.
As to the gangs... schools really try to ignore those and almost all discipline problems, which makes a certain amount of sense, since their mission is to teach, but you can't teach without discipline. This is the entire underlying thread of a manuscript I did and analysis and line edit on - one which is excellent, btw - but the guy is getting the typical, "no market for this" response, regardless of the fact he has a huge network and platform, as an ex-principal and administrator in a large state, with contacts throughout the country via the various associations. Schools don't want to know. School districts don't want to know. Then, they might have to do something.
Hi DR
The publishers will find a market for drivel from the famous but they won't publish well written or informative books that will help people assuming there is no market for it. When the opposite is true.
People are thristing for information and well written books.
Bill
>> People are thirsting for information and well written books.<<
Which is exactly why one of us needs to win the lottery, so we can open a publishing house, among other ventures and charities. I'm sure Pat and Mary would be willing to work with us, maybe even others here.
Hi DR
Well that would be a group that would guarantee success for our lottery funded publishing house!
Bill
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