Sunday, June 3, 2012

Sunday Update

It was a nice day at Mom's yesterday but at time a little emotional. It seems we are preparing for her death. I know it is inevitable but it just makes me cry. She is going downhill and at a pretty amazing pace. What we did yesterday is going through a lot of years of paperwork, shredding what we didn't need, and putting aside things that might be helpful. On the agenda next week is updating her will and trust.

I am just going to do an update today and not do any articles.

Last week. Monday was a Memorial Day picnic at my sister's. It was fun and the hot dogs were damn good. Tuesday and Wednesday days and night were at Mom's. Thursday through lunch was at Mom's. Thursday afternoon was working on a work assignment. Friday was a boring seminar on the buying and selling of businesses. Today I am at Mom's for lunch and dinner and to spend the night.

On the agenda next week. Tomorrow at Mom's. Fixing lunch and then taking her out for dinner. I am also there overnight. Monday afternoon and Tuesday is cleaning house to prepare for company from Texas that is due to arrive the 8th. Wednesday I have a breakfast meeting with Dave. A man I used to play with when I was the fourth grade. We were on the same little league team that my dad coached. Remember when I went down to meet my friend Ted last Friday? On the way home I stopped at Fred Meyers. I was going into the store and remembered I forgot my wallet. I was on my way back to the car when a car honked at me. It kind of irritated me and just as I was about to give him the number one sign he rolled down the window "Dave T.". I haven't seen him for years. We were really tight as kids. Then went our separate directions. It was interesting because I would have never stopped at that store if I hadn't gone down to see Ted. It is quite a distance from where I lived. Then had I not left my wallet in the car and went back for it I would have missed him. Dave is an interesting character. He majored in sociology. His masters thesis was on Religious Cults. For research he joined several cults. The Moonies and the UFO groups, for example. I used to get calls from him in the middle of the night that said "they are watching me so I can't talk long." He masters thesis was so well done that it was published in Psychology Today. He went on to be a professor at Montana State. It will be Thursday is at Mom's until eight at night when the caregiver returns. Friday is a day of rest. Saturday starts the visit.

That is the look back at my week and what is on the agenda for me next week. Looking forward to you sharing on what is going on in your lives and what you have coming up. I love to know what is happening with all of you! The blog is now yours, post anything you damn well please.

Comment Away.


Pat said...

It seems so sad to be preparing for death, but if you can look at it another way, since death is inevitable at some unknown time, you are among the fortunate if you are able to take time to prepare. I'm sorry to hear that your mom is declining more quickly than you were prepared for. It's never easy, whenever it happens.

It really makes you think when you have a meeting like yours with Dave T., doesn't it? Something that depends on so many plans and glitches in those plans.

You have a very busy time coming up, what with out of town relatives and all your usual busy-ness on top of it. I do hope it's all pleasant for you and for your mom, too.

Lady DR said...

Bill, I'm so sorry to see the comment on your mom, but glad you can prepare for her together. I empathize, having spent the time with Mom, but she won't talk about it or do any preparation. Wouldn't do it here, neither she or Deb will do it now. I think it would make life easier.

I've had a busy week. Hadn't realized how much catching up would be required, after 3-1/2 weeks gone. Was a woman obsessed the first two or three days home, between unpacking, preparing to leave again on a moments notice, cleaning, decluttering. Drove myself into a pity party and nice long cry, which helped, then slowed down a bit.

All exciting stuff. Cleaning, laundry, ironing, decluttering, really going through my office, getting rid of the dog crate. Picking up the mail, going through that, paying bills, data entry. Getting the RV sales issues straightened out, returning license plates on the RV. Taking glasses back and saying they just didn't work (I was just under the 60 day return date) and the tech said I should have never been sold these frames, as they could never be adjusted to fit my face (they're too big) and ordering a new set of glasses, which will hopefully resolve fit and, thereby, being able to see properly. Did get a massage, two stints at the pool and a couple hours of line dance, all for my mental/emotional health. Even went to the knitting group meeting for an hour yesterday. I got the cell phone reset, so it rings and announces a call (not sure how I did it). I managed to get the Kindle Fire set up, more or less, although I still have some questions. The new GPS is next on the list of techie challenges, but I'm a bit more confident than before.

Meantime, waiting and constant calls between IL and AZ and here. Aunt D continues to linger and the doctors are baffled. It's been/is a real roller coaster, as everyone has concerns about how Mom might withstand the trip, given how she's been failing the last few months. Finally, Mom decided she was going back, come what may, and she & Deb left today. Selfishly, given what's gone on, I hope Aunt D holds on long enough for Mom to see her and talk to her (she was quite lucid yesterday, but changes daily/hourly). Then again, one wonders if she's holding on, hoping to see Mom? Since Mom is now up there, my cousin says they plan to hold services immediately, when Aunt D passes, which may mean Rho and I won't be able to get immediate flights and be there for Mom or the cousins or the services. I've left it in God's hands. I can be ready to roll in a couple hours, I think, if I can get a flight.

Mom's comment, when she called to tell me they were going, was, "I'm going up. I may not come back, but at least that will save you girls having to ship my body." Thanks, Mom!

Next week is back to what kind of settles for normal around here. Back to the pool, back to work on manuscripts, line dance. Unless, of course, it all goes differently with a trip to IL.

I am so happy to be home, surrounded by my stuff, decluttering (still have all the RV stuff to sort through and decide what to pack away), looking out the windows at green and trees and no confining stucco walls.

Hope all goes well with your staying at Mom's and with the visits from all the relatives. Will some be staying with you?

William J. said...

Hi Pat

I like the way you look at things. Also we are doing this with fairly clear minds. Mom is able to tell me what she wants and I am working with her with my mind pretty much in the right place. Which it might not be if I was doing this after she died.

It does make me think when all the cards fall into place and you run into someone in the past. It happens to me a lot.

I'm looking forward to the visits. I my brother-in-law's son pretty well when he was grown up but haven seen him in years and have never meet his wife. Neither has Mom. We are looking forward to it.


You have a very busy time coming up, what with out of town relatives and all your usual busy-ness on top of it. I do hope it's all pleasant for you and for your mom, too.

William J. said...


As difficult as it is I would rather have a mom that is willing to do things to prepare for the inevitable than one that one even talk about it. Hugs to you.

Three and a half weeks gone it would take me a month just to catch up on my mail and e-mail. And then to come back and face the possiblity of having to leave on moments notice when you aren't caught up. You deserved a pity party. To bad the glasses didn't feet and you have to go through the hassle of getting new glasses. Glad you were able to get a massage, line dancing, and the pool in. YEA! For going to the knitting group!

My heart, thoughts, and prayers just go out to you and your family while you are waiting for news on Aunt D. Sorry to hear your mom is failing too. I am a little disappointed to hear that Deb allowed you mom to travel. The trip could take a ton out of her. I pray they make it before your aunt passes on. They do have special rates for memorial trips on short notice.

God I hate your Mom's comment about not making it back. That is disturbing.

I hope your next week will turn to normal.

As to will any of the relatives are going to stay with me? God, I hope not.


Lady DR said...

Not a case of Deb "allowing" Mom to do anything. Mom can be very stubborn, on the rare occasions she makes a decision. And events of the past 24 hours seem to confirm my theory Aunt D was waiting for Mom, Mom sensed that. Yes, the trip took a lot out of her, but she's been able to spend time with Aunt D and that seems to be important to both of them. We wait.

Yeah, Mom's comment didn't make my day. She said something similar to Rho. And, during our planning the trip to AZ, she told Deb she hoped she lived to see all of us together. Either she knows something none of us or the doctors know or she's just tired.

We wait.

William J. said...


Then maybe despite the impact the trip may have on your Mom she did the right thing for the family as a whole if Aunt D was waiting for her.

My mom has finally quit making those kind of statements. I hope your mom will understand the impact it has when she does say things like that.


dona said...

Bill I too am sorry to hear of your mom's declining never seems to come easy to have to watch/wait does it? I have had to see it more than once with a parent, parent in law, 2 Aunts, brother in law and now I have dad to worry about. I do not like this part of getting older or care giving. Sending you and your mom some hugs.

DR I am sorry to hear your mom has gotten to the point of saying things such as this...I remember my Aunt would say things like that for years. I don't know if its depression or an attention getter or them just getting tired and ready that makes them say these things, but it is very disturbing to hear. Thoughts go out to you.

William J. said...

Hi Dona

So nice to see you here and hope things are going well with you and The Shankster. Think about you guys often.

Watching anyone decline is difficult let alone a relative or parent. Part of the problem is makes me face my own decline.

Thanks for the hugs, they are needed.